The Introduction - Landis McQuade

This story is a prequel to Ke Kali Nei Au (The Wedding Song) and its sequel, First Day of Forever.

Jim, Brackett, Simon, and H. are standing around Jim's stone patio in the middle of a thickly forested jungle unloading their tools and checking their weapons.

Jim: Sshh. I hear something.

Henchmen: Ah, come on. Not again.

H: All your imagination, mon....

Jim grabs a machete from the growing pile of weapons.

H: ...ah, hell, Jim, I be only teasin', put that knife away. You know we be believin' in your...(looks to Henchmen for help)

Simon...gifts.

Brackett: Congenital differences.

This is not what H. was looking for in way of explanations.

H: Supernatural powers.

Brackett: Don't start up that voodoo shit.

H. gets in Brackett's face.

H: You be insultin' my religion?

Jim steps between them, holding out his palms to their chests.

Jim: Shut up.

Jim is hearing a male voice speaking rapidly in hushed tones. He looks at H.

Jim: You're not even from the Islands. (to Brackett) You keep these goombas in line. I'm going to investigate.

Brackett: Investigate what?

Jim: Don't know, but it doesn't belong here.

Brackett: What? Come on, man, it's not like you don't have this place wired. If something happens, if someone is dumb enough to cross you it's not like they won't get caught. Besides, we're hungry.

Brackett gestures to the dead boar laying on the patio near the grill.

Simon and H: Yeah. Very.

H: Growin' G be my specialty. Not this home improvement detail you be havin' us do. Man need to be compensated when he not be doin' his expert job.

Simon: We worked hard today. Sawing. Hammering. Sanding. Gluing. Sheesh, I got glue in cracks I didn't even know I had.

Brackett: Really, Jim, it's not this big thing you make it out to be. It's not like you couldn't afford to bribe some handymen, you know. Or hire them for that matter.

Jim: Last time I checked you were all still men. And you're handy. And you're already on the payroll. It does happen to be a big thing called being economical.

Jim turns his back on the Henchmen to enter the jungle. He takes a few steps towards the thick vegetation.

Simon: I call it workin' for El Cheapo.

Jim spins around to face the Henchmen.

Jim: I heard that.

H: You be standin' two feet away, mon, I sure hope you heard it or you're gonna need to be seein' a hearin' specialist about diggin' out and fixin' up that waxy ear problem.

Brackett: Wait up. I'll tag along.

Jim: What? You think my skills aren't sharp enough to handle this task? I was in the Rangers, if you remember.

Brackett: Yeah, I, Mr. CIA Man, got you that gig. Don't be such a sourpuss, Ellison. Even you need backup.

Jim: Not this time. Start roasting that pig, H. While you sissies stood around gossiping like old men all day I was the one who did most of the home improving. I'm hungry too.

Simon: Hey. He's the gardener. I'm the cook.

Jim: No offense, Simon, but H. knows his barbecue.

Brackett: Economy my ass. Why don't you just hire a cook, cheapskate?

Simon: El Cheapo.

Brackett: Yeah, yeah. El Cheapo, Mr. Mega Frugal, Thriftyman, however you phrase it he's still a tightwad. In more ways than one.

Jim disappears into the jungle. H. and Simon crouch near the pig while Brackett grabs some weapons and follows Jim into the jungle. Simon's cell phone rings

Simon: Yeah? No he's not. Now? We're busy now. I do not need to be knowing about that.

Simon is grumbling as he hangs up the phone. He looks over to H. who has started skinning the boar. He sighs.

Simon: H., we got work.

H: (disbelief) What you talkin' bout? This our downtime. We not workin' on anything but eatin' and relaxin'.

Simon: We need to think about changing professions. Let's go.

Simon and H. grab some weapons and head off into the jungle. Jim is plowing through the jungle thicket and the voice he's hearing becomes clearer. Camera fast pans through the jungle to stop at the location of the voice. Blair is leaning against a large tree holding an old wrinkled map, trying to make sense of it and talking to himself.

Blair: You suck, you know that? Capital S, suck. This is so not the road to the spice pyramid. Well, wild animal path or whatever. (hears noise) What was that? Oh, no, Blair, don't go there. You do not want to know. I mean, I'm in the jungle, as in large snakes that squeeze you to death and then eat you, bugs with stingers a foot long, not to mention killer cats and it being the natural habitat of hundreds if not thousands of poisonous plants, right? Jungle. Me. Me in the jungle. What was I thinking? There was that obsessive phase when I was 17. Blair Sandburg, adventurer/explorer. Had a nice ring to it. (an insect lands on him) Ooh, ooh, off, get off me. (insect leaves but others continue to take its place. Blair is flailing about trying to rid his person of the unwanted guests) This is my territory. Okay, not really, it's yours, monster bug things. I respect that, I do. I'm gonna die. Naomi'll never know. No one will ever find my body out here. Oh god, oh god, I've got to get out of here.

Blair is wiggling and bouncing around, ready to make his escape when Jim comes crashing out of the jungle and slams Blair against the trunk of the tree. The map disappears into the darkness of the jungle.

Blair: Oof. Aaah, aaah, aaah.

Jim: I'm not deaf. Stop screaming.

Blair: Deep breath.

Blair inhales sharply as Jim readjusts his hold, making it impossible for him to get the calming breath he needs.

Blair: Sorry, you startled me. Is that a...

Blair is staring at the gun Jim has shoved in his waistband and is now pushing against Blair's stomach. In the scuffle Blair's backpack has come loose and is dangling from his forearm. Jim slides it off with no resistance from Blair.

Blair: It's yours. Not that there's anything of value in it, but help yourself. I can't believe I'm being robbed. Out in the middle of the freakin' rainforest. I mean, you hear the stories- guerillas, Americans being kidnapped for ransom, but really you just don't believe them. At least I don't. Didn't. The State Department's webpage clearly stated this was a completely safe area. There was no travel advisory. (Blair is confused. He assesses Jim) Wait a minute here. You're American? Americans do not kidnap other Americans in the jungle. It's...

Jim: It's South America, Chief, so hate to burst your bubble, but technically it's exactly what happens. I'm not kidnapping you and I don't want your pack. The canvass was scratching the hell out of my arm. (Jim looks down at his gun) This is definitely a gun- only a fool would be out here without some sort of weapon. Those stories you heard? Well, you should have believed them. Where's yours?

Blair: (still confused) My what?

Jim: (annoyed) Your gun. Surely you have some kind of weapon.

Blair: I'm more of a Martin Luther King, Jr. and Ghandi kind of man myself.

Jim: Civil disobedience. Nice. Out here that kind of attitude's gonna get you killed. You want to explain what you're doing traipsing around my property?

Blair is coming out of his confused state and takes a good long look at Jim. He likes what he sees. He starts to relax.

Blair: Your property? You nutso? This is like the rainforest. No one owns the rainforest.

Jim: If I say it's my property I guess that means I own it, right?

Blair: Oh, well, yeah, sure, if you put it like that it makes sense. In fact, it's logical. Like if you...

Jim: Just stop. Stop right there.

Blair: I tend to talk a lot when I'm nervous.

Jim: Am I making you nervous?

Blair squirms and Jim tightens his hold.

Blair: Your gun is making me nervous.

Jim: So answer my question.

Blair stares at Jim with puppy dog lust.

Blair: Um, what was it? I, uh, got kind of distracted there for a minute.

Jim: You're trespassing. I want to know why.

Blair: Trespassing? Lighten up. I'm on vacation and I...uh, well, you see, it's like this...

Jim switches positions so that he's still got a hold of Blair with one hand and is dumping out the contents of the bag with the other.

Blair: What are you looking for?

Jim: Drugs.

Blair: Man, I so do not do that shit. Well, there was that one time. But that doesn't count because I didn't know the mushrooms were hallucinogenic or that...

Jim grabs Blair's collar and hauls him in close. He starts sniffing Blair.

Blair:...what are you doing?

Jim releases Blair.

Jim: Okay, I believe you, kid. So? It's like what?

Blair: Did you just smell me? Not that there's anything wrong with that, but, okay, okay. I'm on vacation and I got a little lost. Okay, a lot lost. There. Happy?

Jim: Vacation? This isn't a vacation spot. It's the ass-end of equatorial nowhere. Which is why I prefer to headquarter here. Wanna tell me what you're really doing here?

Blair: I just did.

Jim: Not all of it. I may look stupid, but I assure you I'm not.

Blair: You don't look stupid, man. It's just that you wouldn't believe me if I told you.

Jim: Well, you're trespassing, I think it's in your best interests to come clean. Do you know what I do to trespassers?

Blair: (gulps) I have a very active imagination.

Jim: Carolyn sent you, didn't she? Well, you go home and tell that bitch if she wants more money she's going to have to start her own business or get a job.

Blair: I don't know any Carolyn. Hey, could you loosen the grip a bit, this bark is shredding my shirt. It's my only shirt. (Jim loosens his hold) Thanks, that's better.

Jim: I'm not known for my patience, kid. You don't know Carolyn?

Blair: Nope, no Carolyns. I've known some Carols and a Carolina, named after the Puerto Rican city, not the state, North or South, and then there was a...(Jim gives Blair a shake) ...sorry. I, uh, I came for the spices.

Jim: Spices? What spices?

Jim tightens his grip on Blair.

Blair: I thought we'd established I need this shirt. And breathing. Breathing is something I enjoy too.

Jim: How much did she pay you?

Blair: Are you listening deficient? I told you I came here for the spices. And then there's this tribe I read a little bit about way back when and I thought I'd...

Jim: Can you focus?

Blair: Tarzan's cousin.

Jim: What?

Blair: Just speculating the odds that you two are related. You're pretty buff. You swing around on those vines?

Jim: Tarzan's not real.

Blair: Says you.

Blair starts wiggling and brushes his cheek against Jim, causing his hair to fall in Jim's face. He's looking at the jungle where Brackett, H. and Simon all have guns aimed at them.

Jim: What are you doing? That tickles.

Blair: There are three guys behind you wielding large guns.

Jim: I know.

Blair: How? How could you know that? I was thinking about Tarzan, imagining you swinging from that vine over there and poof, there they were.

Jim: Poof? I heard them. Just ignore them.

Blair: But...

Jim: Ignore them. They won't shoot you.

The Henchmen form a half-circle around the tree.

Blair: But you will?

Jim: No, of course not. Strange as all of this is, I kind of believe you. But, it's late, we're hungry, and this situation is not going to be resolved here, so I'm afraid you're going to have to come with us.

Blair: You're going to eat me? Cause I'm a runt, really. Not much meat on these bones.

Brackett checks Blair out and likes what he sees. Blair moves closer to Jim, but Jim relaxes his hold and pulls Blair away from the tree.

Jim: Brackett, I thought I told you I could handle this.

Brackett: (sneering at Blair lewdly) Oh, I bet you probably could. If you'd ever let yourself...well.

Simon: Sandals called. Said he'd meet you at the Bean Stop Cafe.

Blair: There's a coffee shop amongst all this flora? I could seriously use a 12 oz. Cascade Volcano right about now.

Jim: You know Cascade?

Blair: Yeah.

Jim: Hmm. Were those Tevas in your pack? Size 8?

Jim rummages around the contents of Blair's pack that he spilled on the ground and takes the pair of Tevas.

Jim: Take him back to camp. And be careful.

Brackett: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Blair: You can't leave me here. With them. Where are you going? Come back, man.

Jim disappears into the wilds. Brackett gestures with his gun for Blair to follow behind Simon and H.

Blair: So, who's this Carolyn?

Brackett checks out the clearing and takes up the rear position behind Blair. They walk in the jungle a bit before Simon and H. seem to disappear right in front of them. Blair is confused, but then he steps out of the jungle onto the stone patio and is shocked. Brackett runs into him and almost knocks him down.

Blair: Whoa. When he said camp I was envisioning something more...well, you know, camp like, lean-to-ish, scrapped together. A hut. Palm fronds.

H: The boss man like comfort.

Once again, the Henchmen take off their gear and take turns watching Blair and the boar. Blair watches them with interest and amusement. He walks over to the grill that seems glaringly out of place in the jungle. H. has finished skinning the boar and Simon starts butchering it.

Blair: Is that a pig?

Simon: Grade A, first class Peruvian classic wild boar. Finest boar barbecue in these parts.

Blair sees some knives on the grill stand and takes one. The men are on instant alert.

Blair: Relax. I intend to use this the way it's supposed to be used. Your technique sucks. Where were you trained? The Hack It Up Any Old Way University?

Simon: And just where did you train, mophead?

Blair: Oh, this little cooking school in France. It's called Le Cordon Bleu. Ever heard of it?

Simon whistles appreciatively. He allows Blair to take over the butchering. H. is making the barbecue sauce and Brackett is keeping an eye on things.

Blair: Got any fresh herbs around here?

Brackett: (gesturing around the elaborate patio) Things aren't always as they seem. We eat simple.

H: What we need herbs for? My barbecue sauce the bomb.

Blair: These would be better marinated. Where's the tenderizer?

H: Bring those cuts over here.

Blair: But...

Simon: Kid, hand over the meat.

Blair: What about wood? I mean that grill's nice and all, but wouldn't this taste better if it were slow roasted over a hickory fire?

Brackett: You see any hickory trees around here? We've had a hard day. We don't want to wait another eight hours to eat. Hand over the meat and come here.

Blair, disappointed, hands over the meat. Brackett cuffs one of his wrists to the door of the storage shed. There is a stack of wood within reaching distance. Brackett enters the small one-story house adjacent to the patio and comes out with some beer. Blair is studying some of the potted plants while H. barbecues the boar and Simon and Brackett relax with their beers.

Blair: Can I have one?

Simon and Brackett: No.

Brackett: So, kid, got a name?

Blair: Blair Sandburg. You?

Brackett: Lee Brackett. That's Simon, and H. is workin' the grill. What brings you to our pocket of the world, Sandburg?

Blair: Traveling. Thought I'd celebrate the official credentials with a last hoo-ha to free livin', you know? Before I had to go back to working lousy hours for lousy pay for some lousy arrogant asshole. Good grub though. One perk of being a chef.

Blair sniffs some of the leaves he's confiscated from the plants.

Blair: What exactly is it that you guys are doing out here?

Simon: Collecting capital. You know, start-up for our investments.

Brackett: We're also vehemently opposed to bad hours and bad pay.

Blair throws a handful of the leaves he's gathered at Brackett's feet.

Blair: You know what this shit does to people?

Brackett: My conscience is clear.

H: Supply and demand, my man. We not forcin' no one to buy.

Blair: That's not the point.

Jim walks out of the jungle. Brackett hands him a beer. He takes a long swallow before walking over to Blair.

Jim: So, Carolyn didn't send you?

Blair: Back to that again?

Jim: Spices, huh?

Blair: Yeah. Spices.

Jim: H., we got any spices down here?

H: Down south heres, we gots coffee and we gots rubber. We gots petroleum, bananas and sugarcane. We gots lotsa drugs. Spices, my mon, are found in Asia.

Jim: So, which of our exports were you metaphorically speaking about, Chief?

Blair: No metaphor. There's this spice that's reputed to have this aphrodisiac like effect if you mix it with...

Jim smirks at him and drinks some more beer. He goes to check on the progress of the boar.

Blair: Hey, could I have something to drink too? I've been lost for...awhile. Kind of thirsty, you know?

Jim goes inside and brings back a bottle of water for Blair. Blair eyes it disappointedly but accepts it anyway. He holds out his free hand for Jim to shake.

Blair: We didn't really have a chance to introduce ourselves. I'm...

Jim stretches out his hand but pulls back before he and Blair can connect.

Jim: Blair Sandburg. I heard.

Blair looks at the Henchmen for explanation. Brackett shrugs his shoulders and H. is taking care of the barbecue.

Simon: Got ears like a bat, our boss. Jim Ellison's his name, by the way. Not much on manners either.

Jim: So, tell me more about this spice.

Blair dumps his water on the ground and holds out the empty bottle for Jim. Jim takes it and replaces it with a beer. Blair takes a long swallow.

Blair: Thanks. Spices.

Jim: Okay.

Blair: So, there's this Spice Pyramid. Or there's supposed to be. I came across this obscure reference in a monograph by Sir Richard Burton.

H: The guy that married Liz Taylor?

Blair: No, the explorer.

Jim: And you came all the way here to find this aphrodisiacal spice? You expect me to believe that?

Blair: Is aphrodisiasical a word? (Jim stalks closer) Geez, alright already. Why else would I come here? I mean, there's plenty of vacation spots a hell of a lot more friendly.

Jim: Exactly.

Blair: I didn't help my cause with that one, did I?

Brackett: That's a big no.

Jim: This spice worth a lot?

Blair: I guess so. I don't know. I mean, that's not why I want to find it.

Brackett: Can't get a date? I find that a little hard to believe, Sandburg.

Blair: I can find dates just fine. That's not the problem. It's more of a...a...

Brackett: Physical problem?

Blair: ...search for the Holy Grail kind of thing. You know? It's not about the spice. It's about finding it.

Henchmen start laughing. Jim watches Blair thoughtfully when he notices H. fidgeting with the dials of the grill.

Jim: What's the problem?

H.: Be stone cold, that's the problem. Brackett musta been hittin' up that hottie teacher livin' over with the tribe. No gas.

Brackett shrugs off the accusation. Henchmen start fighting. Blair is delighted at the turn of events. Jim's not too pleased.

Jim: Shut up. Inside. All of you.

Henchman go inside. Jim walks over to Blair and raises his machete. Blair screams and tries to get away. Jim uses his super vision to hone in and bring down the machete at the right angle to cut off the cuffs.

Jim: Start a fire and finish up that boar, will you? I gotta go handle those clucks.

Blair is relieved he still has his hand. He goes over to the wood he was considering earlier. He grabs some and dumps it on the patio. He then goes in search of some stones. He makes a fire ring, throws some twigs inside and gets the lighter from the grill. He starts a fire with the kindling and as it builds he tosses a piece of wood on it. When the wood starts burning he adds two more pieces. There is a big explosion that throws Blair five feet. He lands at the edge of the patio. The Henchman and Jim come running out of the house. Jim runs over to Blair and heaves him over his shoulder.

Blair: I'm fine. Put me down. I can walk.

Jim: (to Henchman) Grab everything you can and make like hell for the clearing.

Henchman scramble to grab what's most important and they all take off running into the jungle as explosions continue within the fire and the fire spreads rapidly, pursuing them through the jungle. They barely make it in time to the clearing where Jim is revving up a helicopter, signaling a frantic Blair to make room for the others. Henchman get in the helicopter and Jim gets it off the ground just as the flames engulf the ground below.

One Day Later

Jim, Blair, and the Henchmen are in a posh hotel suite. Jim and the Henchman are reorganizing the business and making plans. Blair is sitting in a chair, cuffed one-handed to a table leg. He maneuvers the chair closer to the table so that he can use his free hand to reach for the laptop that's resting there.

Jim: I wouldn't do that if I were you.

Blair, still unused to Jim's uncanny ability to know what's going on for no apparent reason, is startled and topples over his chair.

Jim: Brackett, pick the kid up and move him to the middle of the room where he can't get into any more trouble.

Brackett goes over, rights Blair's chair, uncuffs him from the table, recuffs him to the chair and drags the chair over by the bed.

Brackett: What were you gonna do? Send an email?

Blair: No, no. I swear. I wanted to do a little research.

H: Mon, you be givin' too much thought to that spice thing still. You need a new passion.

Simon: Kid, your jungle days are over. Give it up already.

Blair: For your information, I was gonna do a little research about Jim's special skills.

Jim tenses. Henchman become eerily quiet. Jim rises from his chair slowly and deliberately. He stalks towards Blair. Aware that he's being treated like prey, Blair wants to retreat but holds his ground and puts on a brave face. Jim lightly cuffs Blair on the head causing Blair to jump which causes the chair to tilt. Jim grabs it and steadies it before Blair can fall over again.

Jim: Sandburg, you burned down my favorite house, not to mention thousands of acres of my best crops, and you've virtually destroyed my entire operation. Now in light of all that I think I've been a pretty patient man. (he picks up Blair's hand) I've let you keep all of your fingers. (he picks up a piece of Blair's hair) I've let you keep this mop you call hair. (he slides his hand down Blair's chest until it reaches his nipple ring. Jim gives it a slight tug. Blair, despite trying to stay in control is becoming aroused and breathing shallowly) I haven't maimed you in any way. (Jim traces his way slowly back up Blair's chest, his throat, and his chin until his finger rests on Blair's lips. He parts the lips. Blair can't help himself and he touches his tongue to Jim's fingers. Jim draws back quickly as if he's been burned) I- I- hav-haven't cut your tongue out. (Jim goes back to the conference table and sits down to make some calculations on his calculator) Yet.

Brackett: You're lucky you're still alive.

H: Boss man have a soft spot for you.

Simon: Yeah, he...

Jim: Get back to work. All of you.

Blair: Why you dog these abilities of yours, man?

Jim: Brackett, gag him.

Brackett gags Blair. Henchman finish their work.

Two Hours Later

Jim and Henchman conclude their business. Jim rises from the table and stretches. Blair watches his every move.

Jim: I'm gonna head to the gym. Sandburg, you think you can cook dinner without blowing up the hotel?

Simon: You're kidding, right? Why can't we order room service?

Jim shakes his head in annoyance and disbelief.

Jim: You saw the reports. We took a big hit. We're gonna have to live on a budget for awhile. (looks at Simon harshly) That means no eating out. (looks at Brackett) No expensive hookers. (looks at H.) No CDs.

Henchmen: What!?

Brackett: (thumbing through the hotel stationary) Not a problem. These girls know more positions than the CIA. And if they're not available (leers at Blair) he'll do.

Simon: (clapping Blair on the back) Can I take him shopping?

H: (eyeing the laptop on the table, the only computer in the room connected to a modem) Hey, mophead, you know how to download?

Blair is frantically mumbling beneath his gag. Jim comes to remove the gag.

Blair: Help. Help me. Somebody help.

Jim places his hand over Blair's mouth. Blair stops struggling.

Jim: You can go with Simon to the grocery store, but don't try anything. You know I'll hunt you down. And keep him on a budget. (to everyone) I'll be back in an hour and a half.

Blair: You can't leave me alone with them. Come back here. Jim!! Don't leave me here.

Four Hours Later

Jim is rolling around the floor of the hotel while Blair watches with concern and curiosity. Simon stumbles out of the bathroom and H. and Brackett fight to see who gets the next turn. Brackett wins. Simon lays down on the bed. Retching sounds are heard coming from the bathroom.

Blair: We really should take him to the hospital.

Jim stops rolling around and sits straight up. He scrubs at his face.

Jim: No. (stares at Blair and starts smiling) You're very pretty.

Simon: How come the rest of us are sick as dogs...(glares at Blair)...except for you? And him? He's...

Jim: Feeling fine. Just fine.

Camera pans to the kitchen of the hotel suite where the remains of an abandoned dinner are found. Angle in to show a variety of plants and what look like herbs on the countertop.

Blair: The only explanation I can come up with is that whatever's in the plant is only toxic when ingested. Jim touched it and sniffed it but he didn't eat it.

Brackett comes back out and H. runs into the bathroom. Brackett drinks some water and comes over to lay on the bed beside Simon.

Brackett: Sandburg, you know we're gonna torture you when we feel better, don't you? I spent a semester at Maclean teaching the art of torture. Trust me when I say I know my way around...devices.

Jim: Torture? Brackett? (starts laughing)

Simon: Ellison, snap out of it. You're embarrassing yourself. And Sandburg, you, you touched it too, why aren't you high?

Jim: I'm not high. I'm just feeling really good right now.

H. has returned and joins Blair and Jim on the floor.

Blair and Henchman: Yes you are.

Brackett: So?

Blair: I don't have these...(gesturing wildly and pointing to Jim's ears, eyes, nose, and skin) ... hyperactive senses. Besides, I was wearing gloves.

Brackett: You were supposed to be watching him, Simon.

Simon: Hey! This isn't my fault.

Brackett: He confiscated those plants while in your care.

H: They did be festive, you know? Kinda pretty I thought.

Jim: (staring at Blair) Very pretty.

Blair is pleased by that remark but quickly composes himself.

Blair: How many times do I have to apologize? I said I'm sorry. It looked like mint, okay? I didn't do it on purpose. I was simply trying to expand your culinary palate.

H: You sure about that, kid?

Blair: I'm still here, aren't I? If it was my intention to poison you don't you think I'd be long gone by now? On my way home? Not hanging out with a bunch of hoodlums.

Simon: That does make sense.

Brackett: Question is, what are we going to do with you, Mr. Sandburg?

Jim: (pats Blair's arm) We're gonna keep him.

Blair: What?

Jim smiles and ruffles Blair's hair before standing up. He goes to look outside the hotel window for a few moments. Blair scoots along the floor until his back hits the bed. He and the Henchman look at Jim for an explanation. Jim turns around and comes back over to where they are.

Jim: We're keeping you, Sandburg.

Brackett struggles off the bed and goes over and shakes Jim.

Brackett: You have got to start thinking clearly.

Jim removes Brackett's hands and pushes him away.

Brackett: He's cute, I'll grant you that, but he's something of a liability, don't you think? There are other ways to make sure he won't talk.

Jim: I'm not...high.

H: Right.

Jim: No, really. I'm back to normal. It's all good.

Blair: You were high as a kite two minutes ago.

Jim: I know, but it's like... (Jim blushes)...I don't know, but I'm not now. When I touched...anyway, he's useful.

Simon: He's useful all right. Useful for getting us in trouble. We should just let him go. You won't talk, will you, kid?

Blair: Talk? Who would believe me?

Jim: (gestures to the table where all the business files are resting) I've been planning to semi-retire. Open up a little café on the islands. Seems you've got some expertise I could use. I know business hands down and I can cook a little, but...

Blair: You're offering me a job?

H: Offer? (to Simon) You hear an offer?

Simon: No.

Brackett: That wasn't an offer, Sandburg; it was an option.

Blair: I won't work for a criminal.

Jim: Well, that'll just be a part-time venture, I'm hoping to sink most of my time into the café and catching some waves.

Blair: No. No way.

Brackett: Ah, come on. What could be better than livin' it up in the sun and sand? Think of all those tight bods in those skimpy clothes that'll be comin' in to eat your surf-n-turf. Neverending paradise. How can you possibly say no to that?

Blair: No. I'm not working for dirty money.

H: Dirty? Nah. Ellison's got a good cleaner.

Blair: It's not just about where the money would be coming from or how you get it.

Jim moves closer to Blair and notices Blair's heart rate increase. He moves away and Blair's heart rate goes back to normal.

Jim: Then what? I'll give you a decent salary, I'll give you benefits, and I'll even throw in some profit sharing.

Blair: Pay attention. No. N-O. I am not taking a job in some shanty shack putting out shrimp platters with fries.

Jim bends down with his weight resting on his heels. He studies Blair. Blair's heart rate is going crazy again. Jim smiles and notices sweat forming on Blair's skin.

Jim: What's wrong with shrimp and fries?

Blair: What's wrong? If you have to ask...

Jim: You have other offers?

Tired of resting on his heels, Jim maneuvers himself so that he is sitting right up against Blair.

Blair: As a matter of fact I do. Europe wants me.

Simon: All of Europe?

Blair: Anywhere I want, but I'm not really in the mood for Italy and I've had it with the French, so I'm thinking more like The French Laundry. Or Charlie Trotter's. But Chicago in winter? Not that brave. Cascade's manageable. So it's either the Blue Water Café or CinCin."

Jim laughs, slaps Blair on the shoulder. When his laughter abates, he starts gently massaging Blair's shoulder.

Jim: I'll tell you what; I'll let you help with the menu.

Blair knows he should protest but is so mesmerized by Jim's hand he finds it difficult to speak.

Blair: I, uh, but, menu? Is, um, where? I have, I really, legit?

Jim removes his hand and stands up.

Jim: Good, it's settled then.

Jim walks into the kitchen.

Jim: I'm gonna clean up this mess.

Brackett: Wear gloves.

H., Simon, and Brackett fight for the use of the bathroom again. A dazed Blair watches as his life spins out of his control. Jim puts on some gloves, finishes with the clean-up and starts to organize his business papers into an attaché case. Blair, out of his daze, jumps up and launches himself at Jim causing Jim to fall into the table.

Blair: No, it is not settled.

Brackett and Simon, who are waiting their turn for the toilet, come to Jim's assistance and tackle Blair to the floor. Blair puts up a fight but they manage to subdue him, tie him up and gag him. Jim straightens himself up and shrugs.

Jim: I guess we move on to option two.

H. comes out of the bathroom and Simon and Brackett fight for it. Simon wins. Jim hefts Blair over his shoulder in a fireman's hold and motions Brackett to come with him. Brackett is not pleased but obeys the command. They exit the hotel.

Two Hours Later

Brackett, Jim, and Blair are in the helicopter flying in the darkness. Brackett is piloting the helicopter while Jim readies a parachute. When it's ready he approaches Blair who is no longer tied up and gagged. He grabs Blair by the shirt and hoists him up.

Jim: Put your arms around me.

Blair doesn't comply. Jim walks forward causing Blair to move back until he is near the opening of the chopper.

Jim: Put your arms around me.

Blair noticing how close his feet are to not actually being in the chopper complies. Jim attaches them together with a rope. He wraps his arms around Blair and pushes forward until they are out of the helicopter and falling to the ground. Blair starts screaming. Jim removes one of his arms to release the rip cord.

Blair: Oh my god, oh my god.

The parachute opens and Jim replaces his arm around Blair. Blair relaxes and stops screaming. They float towards the jungle and land in a small clearing where a group of Chopec are waiting for them. Blair doesn't want to let go. Jim quickly unbinds them and pushes Blair away. Incacha makes his way through the group to greet Jim.

Incacha: Enqueri. We did not expect you.

Jim: Incacha. Sorry for the intrusion. I need a favor.

Jim and Incacha start speaking in Quechua. Incacha is surprised by what Jim is asking for but gets a gleam in his eye when he fully studies Blair. Incacha agrees to the favor and he and Jim move off into the jungle chatting amicably. Two Chopec warriors escort Blair into the jungle. They walk for a while until they come to a very deep hole in the ground. Everyone becomes silent and only the sounds of writhing and hissing can be heard. Blair is getting very freaked out. Jim speaks in Quechua and the two warriors holding Blair bring him to the edge of the hole. Torches are lit and placed around the hole so that Blair can see inside of it. It is a writhing mass of snakes. Blair tries to back away but the warriors' grips are firm.

Blair: What is that?

Incacha answers in Quechua but Blair can't understand.

Blair: What did he say?

Jim: Option number two.

Jim signals the warriors and they each take one of Blair's legs, turn him upside down and hold him over the hole.

Blair: Jim, Jim, you can't do this. It's not you.

Incacha walks over to Jim and places a hand on Jim's arm and nods. Jim nods in return.

Jim: And how do you know what is me, Sandburg?

Blair: (whispers) I don't know, but I do. Jim, please.

Incacha is watching Jim and smiles deeply. Incacha signals the warriors to pull Blair up and bring him over. Incacha places a hand over Blair's heart and murmurs something. He then turns to say something to Jim. Blair is really confused. Incacha signals his men and they all vanish into the jungle leaving Jim and Blair alone. Blair wants to ask what was said but can tell Jim won't answer him truthfully.

Blair: Option one it is.

Jim smiles in happiness and relief. He takes Blair's hand and guides him back through the jungle and back to the chopper where Brackett is waiting. They get in and the chopper takes off into the lightening sky.

The end.

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Acknowledgments: Thank you to Mary for the beta. Thank you Patt for the art.