Take Another Little Piece of My Heart - Lisa, Duncan's Twin
Monday
"And you can help me control them?"
"Yeah, if you want me to," Blair answered, smiling at Jim.
"Well," Jim shrugged, "you said they won't go away, so controlling them is the only other option."
Blair's smile widened.
"What?" Jim asked, hands on his hips.
"This isn't a bad thing, Jim."
"So you say," Jim said, turning away.
"You can't look at it like that." Blair continued softly. "This is a gift you've been given, it makes you special-"
"I don't want to be 'special,' I just want to be who I am!"
"And now you are," Blair emphasized. "You are a Sentinel."
***
They walked in a random path beside the pond, Blair testing Jim's abilities, until one test went awry.
"What do you smell, Jim?" Blair's eyes were wide in fascination as he stared up into Jim's face.
"The duck pond." Jim grimaced. "The Mr. Tube Steak... flowers, no... roses." Jim inhaled deeply and then continued. "I smell coffee and..."
Then, like someone had frozen time, Jim stopped, stuck in the moment. Blair realized immediately something was wrong. Jim's eyes were cold and distant, lost in a literal blink of an eye.
Blair whispered, "What's wrong, Jim?" There was no response.
Thinking quickly, Blair mentally ran through the basics of Sentinels. Oh jeez! he berated himself. How could I have forgotten to mention the zone-outs?!
Knowing it was scent Jim was lost in, Blair considered his options. The way Jim's eyes were so unfocused and gray, Blair was sure somehow they were involved also, so that left touch, hearing and taste. He immediately ruled out using touch or hearing; Blair was not risking hurting Jim. If Jim's hearing was somehow jacked up, it could hurt him if Blair yelled out. Likewise, if Jim's sense of touch was too high, Blair might hurt Jim if he even squeezed lightly. Blair was left with taste.
Fumbling in his pockets, Blair came up with an open roll of mints. Tearing into the roll, Blair pulled a mint out and tried to push it into Jim's mouth, but Jim's lips were pressed together. Blair shoved the half-empty roll back into his pocket and thrust his index finger into his mouth, wetting it liberally.
Leaning in close to Jim, Blair used his wet finger to moisten Jim's lips before easing his way inside as the lips became nearly slack. When he thought there was enough room, Blair eased the mint in and waited. The result was nearly instantaneous.
Coughing, Jim stumbled back, but Blair caught his arm and held tight.
"Are you okay?"
Shaking his head, Jim continued coughing, spitting out the mint.
"Oh man, I should have told you about the zone-out factor."
"Zone-out?" Jim asked, clearing his throat. "What the hell are you talking about?"
Glancing around, Blair spotted a bench and half dragged Jim to it.
Sitting, Blair ran a careless hand through his hair.
"Do you remember me asking you to tell me what you could smell?"
"Yeah."
"And then what?"
"Then... then I was choking. What the hell happened?" Jim growled in Blair's face.
"I don't know exactly; it was something you were smelling. One minute you were telling me... the ducks, the hot dogs, the coffee... what else is out there?" Blair asked, looking around.
"The donuts," Jim said grimly.
"What?" Blair's head whipped around.
"The donuts," Jim said, pointing across the pond to a small donut shop.
Blair could just barely make out the sign. Hot, fluffy and fresh. Buttermilk Donuts.
"I'm not gonna make a joke about cops and donuts," Blair laughed.
"Good," Jim smiled back.
"Are you sure you're okay?"
Jim nodded, "Yeah. I could use a bottle of water though."
"I'll get it."
Blair left Jim sitting on the bench, needing a few minutes to absorb what had just happened.
***
"Here ya go," Blair said, handing Jim the cold bottle of water.
"Thanks." Jim took the bottle, twisted the cap off and upended it, draining nearly half in a few swallows. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Jim eyed Blair speculatively.
"What do you have?" Jim asked, motioning to Blair's hidden hand.
"You tell me," Blair teased.
Stepping closer, Blair rested his free hand on Jim's shoulder.
"Use your senses and tell me; I won't let anything happen to you."
Seeing the conviction in Blair's eyes, Jim let his sense of smell amplify by gradual increments, feeling a small measure of control he had lacked before.
"You didn't?" Jim smiled.
"I did."
Handing Jim the bag with two hot, fluffy, fresh buttermilk donuts, Blair sat down beside his new friend.
***
Dropping the empty bag and water bottle into the trash, Jim stepped in beside Blair as they started walking again.
"If you like their donuts so much, why don't you eat them more often?" Blair asked.
Patting his flat stomach, Jim smiled and said, "Gotta keep in shape, and if I ate those every day... well, let's just say it wouldn't be a pretty picture."
"Gotcha," Blair laughed.
They walked a little further heading back towards the pond.
"Did you want a Mr. Tube Steak?" Jim asked, looking intently at Blair.
"No, why?"
"Your stomach growled, I thought you might be hungry." Jim shrugged. "I would have shared my donuts."
Blair laughed. "Hey, I could have gotten my own. But no, actually, I wasn't hungry until I saw you eat them."
"We can go back," Jim offered.
Shaking his head, Blair said, "I have a better idea."
***
Two blocks up the street from the donut shop, Blair slid his key into the lock and opened the apartment door, letting Jim precede him in. It was warm but comfortable in the brightly lit apartment. The mini-blinds were open and the curtains pulled back, letting the heat of the sun warm the apartment naturally.
"Nice place," Jim said, looking at the large screen television, cushy looking couch and leather recliner.
"Thanks," Blair said, slipping off his jacket. He hung it on an antique hall tree before turning to Jim and taking his jacket. "Look around."
Jim shot Blair a questioning look, but Blair just smiled amicably and slipped into what Jim could tell was the kitchen, a really nice kitchen for an apartment.
Walking around the apartment slowly, Jim started to get a sense of who Blair was. The painting easel standing in the dining room in place of a table. A whole bedroom devoted to bookshelves and an overstuffed chair and ottoman. Another bedroom contained two overflowing desks, a computer on one and text books on the other, artifacts sitting on shelves, masks and other tribal souvenirs decorating the walls. The last bedroom, the master bedroom, heavy shades drawn, the temperature decidedly cooler, with a large bed taking up most of the space, a navy comforter tossed haphazardly in place. Jim felt a deep sadness wash over him.
He felt Blair step beside him, and took the bottle of water Blair offered.
"How long did you have to wait for a heart?" Jim asked softly, his eyes fixed on Blair.
"Only about four months."
"Only..."
"I'm lucky, Jim. Some people wait years and still never get their second chance."
Jim nodded.
Realizing there was something more in Jim's posture, Blair continued, "Yeah, I had to give up a lot of things, change the way I deal with the world, other people, but life is about change. I have a second chance at life, at living, and even with the restrictions, I'm gonna try and make the most out of it."
"By living like a hermit?" Jim asked softly, looking around the quiet apartment.
"I don't live like a hermit," Blair said indignantly. "I go out, I date, I can do anything I want."
"Then why do you stay in this little world you created?" Jim accused. "You said you used to teach at Rainier, why aren't you now if you enjoyed it?"
"I did enjoy it, I would love to teach again, but I can't, it's one of the things I had to give up."
"Why?"
"Because I have to or I'll die."
Blair left Jim standing in the bedroom as he went back into the living room and plopped down on the couch. A few seconds later, Jim followed, sitting near Blair.
"It's just one of the things I can't do anymore," Blair said softly. "I can't be around large groups of people, too much of a risk of getting a cold or infection. An infection could kill me, Jim." Blair reached out, touching Jim's knee, making his point.
"I go out, I just go out at off-peak times." Blair shrugged. "Do you know how many places are open 24/7?"
"But what about places that aren't?" Jim asked, dropping his hand to rest on Blair's.
"Then I don't go there."
"Concerts? The theater?" Blair shook his head. "Museums?"
"Oh yeah, yeah, absolutely. Hardly anybody goes early in the day when it first opens."
"Don't you hate living like this?"
"What choice do I have?" Blair said, smiling weakly at Jim.
***
Eating lunch at a table on the balcony, Blair asked, "Tell me about Andy."
Jim sat back from his salad and wiped his mouth, looking off into the distance.
"Andy was a great guy. He was funny and kind; he liked helping other people." Jim smiled. "He was always lending a hand to different kinds of charities, giving back to his community and all."
"What kind of charities?" Blair asked around a bite of salad.
"All kinds, but especially ones for kids. He was even a Big Brother." Jim took a sip of water. "After he... he died, I kinda took over with Mike."
"That's nice," Blair said, smiling.
"I think it's been good for Mike. Poor kid lost his own dad in a car accident, this really hit him hard."
"Is that," Blair swallowed around the lump in his throat, then continued, "is that how it happened?"
"Yeah," Jim sighed. "He was driving home one night and this eighteen-wheeler plowed right into him. Driver fell asleep."
"I'm sorry," Blair whispered, reaching out to grasp Jim's hand.
Jim squeezed Blair's hand reassuringly. "Thanks. It's hard to lose a friend like that, so senselessly."
"And a lover."
"Lover?" Jim shook his head. "Andy and I weren't lovers."
"I thought..."
"No," Jim laughed, "he was just my partner at work."
"Oh, I guess I just assumed."
"Ah, you know what they say when you 'assume.'"
"Yeah."
Jim looked thoughtful again, and said, "Nope, we weren't lovers. I never thought about it, cause we just fell into being friends, and we worked together really well. I guess I just didn't want to think about it, didn't want to screw up our partnership for a... well, a different kind of partnership."
Blair's eyes were fastened on Jim, surprised by the admission. "So you're gay?"
Eyes flashing back to Blair, Jim nodded. "Yeah, well, mostly. I was married once, but it was a mistake."
"Oh."
"Yeah, it was kind of a rebound thing, and well... she was a friend, but when it was over, she accused me of using her and I couldn't deny it."
"But you didn't do it on purpose."
"No, but she couldn't see it as anything other than a betrayal."
"That's too bad."
"Yeah," Jim said softly. "She moved to California not long after that. I guess she couldn't deal with working with me anymore."
"She was a cop?"
"Yeah, working in forensics."
They sat in silence for a few minutes, finishing up their lunch and enjoying the warmth of the sun on their faces.
"If you're done, let me clean up since you made lunch," Jim offered.
"You don't have to do that, Jim."
"I want to."
Blair helped Jim carry the plates and glasses to the kitchen, and then disappeared down the hallway to his office.
***
A little while later, Jim found Blair sitting in his office, feet propped up on an opened drawer, book open across his lap. Leaning against the doorjamb, Jim took a moment to study his new friend.
Blair was the total opposite of Andy in appearance, but from the little he'd learned about Blair, he knew they shared some very fundamental similarities. They were both caring, compassionate, fun and thoughtful. The interest Blair had taken in Mike had impressed Jim; very few people would have cared enough to ask after the welfare and happiness of some kid they barely knew. Jim was sure Andy would have liked Blair. They might even have argued over who was going to ask Blair out.
Not really a problem now...
Jim shook off the chill that snaked up his spine and closed his eyes.
Hearing a soft sigh, Blair looked up from his book to find Jim standing in the doorway. He wasn't sure how long Jim had been there, but it looked like he was suffering some heavy thoughts.
"Jimmy?" Blair asked softly.
Jim's head snapped up.
"What'd you call me?" Jim's face was ashen.
"I... I just said your name." Blair dropped his feet to the floor and let the book fall from his lap. "You look like you've seen a ghost."
Running his hands over his face, Jim groaned.
"What?!"
Meeting Blair's concerned eyes, Jim asked, "Why'd you call me 'Jimmy'?"
"Why?" Blair shrugged. "I don't know... I just saw you standing there looking... I don't know... I didn't think about it when I said it. Why? If you don't like it, I won't call you that again."
"It's just that... I always hated that nickname, you know, but Andy always... he called me that anyway."
"Oh, shit! Jim, I'm sorry."
"No, it's okay," Jim said with a half smile. "It's just been a long time since anybody called me that."
Blair nodded. "I understand."
Their eyes met and the same unexplainable spark that had appeared at their first meeting sizzled between them. It was part attraction, part curiosity, and definite interest.
Watching Blair study him, Jim tried to pin down what it was about Blair that made him feel so safe. He wasn't the type to trust easily or without some basis, but on some instinctive level, Jim knew Blair was someone he could trust. Knowing that lack of trust was one of the downfalls in many of his prior relationships, Jim wondered what would happen between them.
Blair took a deep breath, watching Jim the whole time. He felt like Jim was somehow necessary in his life, that Jim would be important to him in the future. Never had Blair ever felt that with anyone else. He knew this was the start of something special; he just hoped it was for what his heart had been searching.
Jim noticed the book that had slipped from Blair's lap and spoke, breaking the spell around them.
"The Sentinels of Paraguay?" Jim dropped to his knees beside Blair and picked up the heavy book.
"Yeah," Blair said breathily. "I thought you might like to look at it."
Jim felt the words caress his face, his eyes studying Blair's with such a look of intensity, Blair felt the impulse to touch. Slowly, he reached out and his fingertips ghosted over Jim's cheek and down his jaw. Blair's thumb rested on Jim's bottom lip which quivered under the tender caress.
"Do you feel it?" Blair whispered, as if to speak too loudly would break the charm.
Jim swallowed nervously and took Blair's hand from his face, holding it tightly.
"I've never had much luck..." Jim softly started but a terse shake of Blair's head stopped him.
"That was the past," Blair continued to whisper. "It doesn't matter. Right now, I feel something extraordinary." Blair smiled widely, his eyes sparkling with happiness. "Do you? Do you feel it too?"
It was undeniable, and even though the rational man inside Jim wanted to disagree, he found himself unable to do so.
"Yes, Blair, I feel it."
***
They parted an hour later, the Sentinel book under Jim's arm as he stood in the apartment doorway, Blair leaning against him, their fingers twined together.
"Dinner tomorrow?" Blair asked, looking hopeful.
Jim smiled and nodded. "Seven?"
Blair returned the smile and nodded back. "I'll make reservations."
Lifting their clasped hands to his mouth, Jim pressed delicate kisses on each of Blair's fingertips before slowly releasing his hand and leaving an open mouthed kiss on Blair's palm.
Jim made sure Blair was steady on his feet before moving away.
"Goodnight, Chief."
Blair's breathy response followed Jim down the sidewalk, and kept him warm on the walk back to the park where he had left his truck.
***
Blair's hand clenched into a fist, holding Jim's parting kiss tightly in his grasp.
Omigod! Blair's mind reeled as he leaned back against the closed apartment door. He wasn't even sure he could move, that's how weak in the knees he was. No one had ever gotten him so hot with just six simple kisses, but then, there was nothing simple about those kisses.
In the time between Jim's admission that he felt the same connection and his departure, Blair had felt a subtle change in Jim, like he had pulled back some, had been less sure as the time passed that something had been happening between them, but the kisses at the door hadn't been hesitant or unsure. He was pretty sure Jim wasn't used to feeling something... unexpected. Hell, he wasn't exactly an expert when it came to... to whatever it was between them.
Grabbing a blanket, Blair lay down on the couch and relaxed, letting the day's excitement course through him again. He dropped into a light nap with a smile on his face, his hand still in a fist, taking Jim's kiss with him.
***
Tuesday
Trina answered the door the next night when Jim showed up for his date with Blair.
"You must be Jim."
Looking a bit unsettled, Jim nodded, looking around for Blair.
"He'll be out in a minute," Trina said with a smile. "I'm Trina Edwards."
Jim smiled in response, holding out his hand. "Blair's told me a lot about you. Nice to meet you."
"He's something else," she said shaking Jim's hand.
"He's-"
"He's right here," Blair butted in. "And he's hungry."
As they all headed out the door, Trina commented, "Watch out for him, Jim."
Concerned eyes met hers, but Jim was almost immediately reassured seeing the twinkle in her eyes.
"He eats like a pig. No manners. Will probably try and steal food off your plate."
Jim laughed as he heard Blair snort in response.
"Hey, don't go scaring him off first thing."
"I think he's braver than that, Blair," Trina said with a knowing smile. "Y'all have fun, I gotta get home to Earl."
"That man just doesn't appreciate you," Blair said as they walked Trina to her car.
"Yes, he does!" she chuckled. "Why do you think he let's me spend so much time with another man?"
***
"She's nice," Jim said as he drove to the restaurant Blair picked.
"Trina's the best. She's been with me from the start, and we just clicked, you know."
"Yeah, I know, Chief."
Blair smiled, warmed by the tone of Jim's voice.
Turning to glance at Blair's profile, Jim was momentarily struck by the masculine beauty of his new friend. Jim could appreciate beauty, male and female, but this was something different; Blair was radiant in the twilit truck cab. An unfamiliar feeling washed over Jim, something he couldn't describe, it was so intangible, but the tendrils of whatever it was, made his heart pound in his chest.
Taking a deep breath, Jim tried to calm down. He knew he'd figure it out sooner or later.
***
"So," Jim said, looking over the extensive menu, "what are you gonna get?"
Blair hemmed and hawed for a minute, then closed and set his menu down.
"Steak and lobster tail."
Jim's smile blinded Blair.
"With potato and salad?"
"And," Blair licked his lips, "a shrimp cocktail."
Jim laughed outright.
"Trina didn't tell me you were a bottomless pit."
"Hey," Blair laughed, "a guy's gotta have a few secrets."
The waiter magically came to take their orders. Blair laughed himself silly when Jim ordered steak and lobster tail as well, mumbling something about sharing.
***
Watching Blair lick the last bit of melted butter off his thumb, Jim shifted slightly in his chair, and then asked, "Are you satisfied yet?"
Blair grinned mischievously. "It takes a lot more than food to satisfy me."
"Check, please." Jim signaled the waiter.
"Don't I get dessert?" Blair asked, looking innocent, but the message was clear.
Jim growled.
***
Pulling up in front of Benjie's, Jim smiled at an almost speechless Blair.
"You like ice cream?" Jim asked, already sliding out of the truck.
Blair slid out of his own side, shaking his head. "This isn't quite what I had in mind when I mentioned dessert."
"Did you want donuts instead, Chief?"
***
Parking the truck, Jim patted Blair on the knee before getting out and going around to open his door. Their hands brushed as they walked and it wasn't long before their fingers were entwined.
Blair pulled his keys out of his jacket pocket, but Jim took them. Jim slid the key into the lock, but didn't turn the bolt.
Leaning against the solid door, Blair watched Jim bring their joined hands up to his mouth. In a repeat from the day before, Jim kissed each fingertip and then kissed Blair's palm with parted lips, letting his tongue just barely touch and taste Blair's skin.
"You could kiss me on the lips," Blair suggested, his voice husky with want.
"But it's only our first date," Jim teased.
"You're such a romantic."
Even as he spoke, Blair saw Jim leaning in, and his jaw lifted in anticipation. With exquisite slowness, Jim moved closer and watched Blair's eyes dilate. The first brush was so soft it sent shivers down Blair's spine, and he felt Jim's arms come around him.
Even feeling Blair's needy body pressed intimately against him, Jim didn't rush their first kiss. He used Blair's passion like fuel on a fire, spiraling it higher with every swirl of his tongue around Blair's.
Blair's hands were full of Jim's shoulders, trying to pull him closer, deeper. Thankful of Jim's arms around him, Blair felt like Jim was making love to him with his mouth, and it was driving his need nearly to the breaking point.
Unconsciously, their bodies started swaying together, dancing to the age old rhythm of lust and desire.
Breaking the kiss, Blair's voice was rough and edgy.
"Don't you want to come in?" He punctuated his sentence with a very definite thrust of his erection against Jim's hip.
Jim's own erection jumped at the question and his hips thrust back.
Leaning in to kiss Blair's neck, Jim whispered between kisses, "It's too fast, Blair."
"Says who?" Blair's hands swerved down Jim's arms to his hands, forcing them down until Jim cupped Blair's ass. "I want you. You want me. It's simple."
Jim gave in to the need and squeezed Blair's ass, eliciting a deep groan from between Blair's parted lips. Managing to get a hand between them, Blair palmed Jim's erection through his pants.
"Take me inside and fuck me, Jimmy," Blair whispered hotly.
Suddenly, Jim pushed Blair away, stepping back. Blair reached out but Jim took another step back.
"What is it?" Blair finally asked when Jim wouldn't meet his eyes.
Running a rough hand over his face, Jim sighed. "I've got to go."
Turning, Jim stalked away, hearing Blair call after him, but he didn't answer, couldn't.
***
The reverberating slam of the door sounded through the dark, empty apartment. Blair threw his keys at the nearest wall and yelled when they didn't make enough noise to release some of his frustration.
Whipping off his jacket, Blair threw it on the couch as he paced. He didn't know what had happened, what had gone wrong, and he was totally pissed that Jim had run away from him.
Wanting answers, Blair pulled out his wallet, looking for the business card Jim had given him the day before. Was it only yesterday they had met? Flipping over the card, Blair memorized the address Jim had printed on the back.
Blair had to search a bit for his keys, but when he did find them, he slammed the door closed behind him, a man on a mission.
***
Not bothering to turn on a light, Jim closed the loft door and slid off his jacket, dropping it onto the chair near the door. He dropped onto the couch, thirsty for a beer or something harder-ha!-but lacked the energy to get it.
Everything had been going great. They had clicked from the beginning, they liked the same sports, the same teams, even some of the same books. They shared a similar sense of humor, and duty and honor. Everything was virtually perfect... until that one word.
Jimmy.
The uneasy feeling he'd felt the first time Blair had called him that came rushing back at him. Andy called him that. No one else, except for a father and brother that he hadn't seen in fifteen years.
Jimmy.
And Jim had been so close to giving in, had wanted so much to take Blair inside that solemn apartment and make love. But that one word had been a bucket of cold water on his desire.
It was irrational, illogical even, but the idea still swirled around Jim's mind. He'd told Blair he hated the nickname and Andy had used it, and Blair seemed to understand it was a sensitive issue. So why, when they were about to make love, did Blair say it?
The question ate at Jim, making him more uneasy as the only obvious answer came to him. The only answer that could possibly explain the nearly instantaneous rapport, the closeness, the connection; Blair was experiencing Andy's emotions.
***
Blair pounded on the door, his anger at Jim's hasty retreat still coursing through his blood.
"Sandburg," Jim said, whipping open the door. "What are you doing here?"
"I want an explanation. Now!" Blair pushed past Jim.
"About what, Chief?" Jim stalled.
"Don't fuck with me, Ellison." Blair pointed a finger in Jim's face.
"Can't you just take no for an answer?" Jim sighed.
"If you had said 'no', then yes, I could've taken it. But you didn't, you just walked away. You didn't say anything, you didn't tell me you didn't want me."
"Blair..."
"Tell me you didn't want me, cause you sure as hell knew I wanted you." Blair took a deep breath.
"You don't want me," Jim said bitterly, "you just think you do."
"Excuse me? Now you're reading minds?" Blair asked sarcastically.
"No... it's... not real. You don't want me, you just think you do."
"And you're basing this on what?"
"On Andy's feelings for me."
***
Returning to the couch with two beers, Jim handed one to Blair before taking a long pull from his and sitting beside Blair.
"Jim, I hate to break this illusion of yours but it's just not possible. Not plausible."
"And you're an expert."
"Hey," Blair said seriously, "I'm the one with the new heart, right? I have the experience here."
Jim shook his head, clearly not convinced.
"Okay, let me ask you this, Jim. If what you're saying is true, then everything someone feels is based in the heart, so then in your theory, I shouldn't feel anything from before I got Andy's heart."
"Now-"
"No, let me finish." Blair took a sip of his beer before continuing. "I shouldn't love anthropology. Or painting. Or my mom.
"What about Andy? You said he hated seafood, I ate lobster and shrimp tonight. You said he didn't spend a lot of time reading, I can do it for hours. What about that, Jim? How does that work into your theory. I'll tell you, it doesn't."
"You don't understand."
"Then explain it to me." Blair reached for Jim's hand, their fingers clasped together. "I want to understand what has you so freaked."
Jim sighed and said softly, "You called me 'Jimmy'."
Blair's eyebrows squinched together, not comprehending.
"Andy called me Jimmy. Andy was... was in love with... with me. Andy had these feelings I never knew about. And now you... you're..."
"Having feelings for you."
Jim nodded.
They sat quietly, still holding hands, for long minutes. Blair was certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that there was no way Jim's theory could be right; it defied science, defied everything he believed. The tragic side-effect was that as long as Jim thought these things there was no way for them to proceed in a relationship.
"Jim?" Blair said softly, making sure he had Jim's attention before continuing. "I can't change what you feel. If you think what I'm feeling for you is because I have a part of someone else inside me, I can't physically prove you're not right. But let me tell you this, I'm not Andy." Blair paused for effect. "I don't have his thoughts, I don't know what he thought. I only have his heart, an organ. Not his soul or his mind, just an organ that helps me live." Blair put Jim's hand on his chest over his heart. "Feel my heart beating. It's mine now. Everything that happens because of this heart is mine, no one else's."
Jim felt the strong and steady beat of Blair's heart.
"The feelings I have, Jim, are mine, not some memory of his. My heart, my feelings." Blair said firmly. "Don't misunderstand this, what I feel for you are my feelings. Mine.
"Andy may have loved you, but when he died, the only place that love remained alive was in your heart."
Taking Jim's hand, Blair kissed it once, got up and left, leaving Jim with a lot to think about.
***
Wednesday
"Hey, Mike, you remember when we talked about donating Andy's organs?" Jim asked, monitoring his reactions.
"Yeah, Jim," Mike said, looking up from the football he was holding. "You said it was important to Andy, that it gave other people a second chance."
"That's right, it does." Jim noticed Mike frowning. "What's wrong, champ?"
"What if... what if Andy needed his... stuff?"
"What do you mean?" Jim dropped to a knee in front of Mike.
"What if, like, he needs his heart in heaven?"
"Oh, Mike," Jim said, hugging the ten year old. "I think because Andy gave his up, he gets a new one, a better one, because he was so generous."
"You really think so?" Mike asked, sniffing. "Do you think he still loves me?"
Jim swallowed around the lump in his throat. "I'm sure he does."
"Even with a new heart?" Mike asked, looking very serious.
"Even with a new heart, Andy will always love you."
Mike nodded.
"So," Jim said, picking up the discarded football, "wanna toss this around for a while?"
***
Jimmy.
The blue haze surrounded Jim. He wasn't sure where he was, but he wasn't afraid.
Jimmy.
He spun around in a circle trying to find the person who was calling him.
Over here, Jimmy.
The haze started to dissipate, and Jim stepped forward, emboldened.
Andy was standing in front of him, looking just like he had the night he died.
"Andy? What? Where? How?"
You miss your calling to be a newspaper reporter, Jimmy?
"What is this place?"
You're dreaming, Jimmy, that's all.
"Why are you here?"
Missed ya.
"Oh man, I've missed you, too."
You're doing a good job with Mike. I'm glad you stuck with him.
"You see that?"
I see everything.
"Everything?"
Everything, Jimmyboy.
"I always hated it when you called me that."
No, you didn't. You just didn't want anybody else to call you that. It was mine. You were mine.
"Andy..."
You can admit it here, Jimmy.
"I... I did love you. I wanted to... but I was scared."
I know.
"It hurts..."
I know, but you can't let that stop you from loving again.
Jim shook his head vehemently.
Yes, Jimmy, you have to go on, and love again. Blair's perfect for you.
"You know about Blair?"
Everything, Jimmy!
"He's... he's not you."
No, he's not. And there's no way he could have my feelings because I still have them all. I'm holding them all.
"Are you... are you happy?"
I'm happy a lot. I have a lot of love here, I'm surrounded by it. I feel it when you think about me.
"Aw, Andy."
No, don't be sad. Everything I was, I still am. Everything I felt, I still feel. But it's more, so much more.
"I wish I could feel it."
One day, Jimmy, you will. But for right now, the closest thing to heaven you'll ever find is being in Blair's arms.
"Are you sure?"
Would I lie to you, Jimmy?
The blue haze returned, blocking Jim's sight.
"Andy?! ANDY!"
Jim woke up with fresh tear tracks on his face and a sense of peace he hadn't felt in a long time.
***
Thursday
Blair was sitting at his easel when the knocking startled him from a daydream. A quick glance at his watch told him it was a little after five in the morning. Dropping a sheet over his sketch, Blair walked to the door.
Looking through the peep hole, Blair took a deep breath. After a few seconds, he turned the lock and opened the door.
"Thought you might like some donuts," Jim said with a grin, holding up a large bag.
***
"Do you remember me telling you about being married?" At Blair's nod, Jim continued. "Before I got married, I was involved in a long term relationship with a man, Jason. Andy and I had been working together about two years or so when I met Jason.
"Our relationship was nothing but fighting and making up. He was crazy jealous of the time I spent with Andy, and it didn't matter that he was my partner. If Andy called late at night, even if it was about a case, Jason would threaten to pack up and leave, and I'd have to spend hours on my knees making it up to him."
Blair felt himself flush a bit at the mental image that called forth.
"It went on like that for about a year, until one night... I came home early. I never told anybody this." Jim took a deep breath before continuing. "I had been on a case for Vice, undercover and that night, the case broken open. We arrested the bad guys and I was sent home. I found Jason and Andy in bed."
Gasping softly, Blair put his hand on his heart, thinking, You stupid bastard!
"Yeah, it wasn't pretty."
"Understatement of the year, I bet."
Jim nodded. "Then a week after that, Carolyn transferred in from Seattle and we were married two weeks later."
"Ouch."
"Yeah, and two months after that we were divorced."
"Eww, double ouch," Blair grimaced. "What about Andy? Y'all stayed partners through all that?"
"Barely." Jim sighed. "We didn't talk about anything that wasn't work related for a really long time. We were just getting back into 'normal' when he died."
"I'm sorry, Jim."
Jim shrugged. "The thing that really gets me, the thing I didn't realize at the time was that I was more pissed off that Jason got to sleep with Andy, than I was about my best friend fucking my boyfriend. "I didn't know... I... I loved him."
Blair's arms were around Jim before the first sob broke loose.
***
Jim stretched slowly, realizing quickly that he wasn't in his own bed. A familiar fragrance tickled his nose, Blair, and it all started coming back to him. Images flashed through his mind, his early morning visit, confession and break down. His face warmed at the memory of crying in Blair's arms.
Slowly, he sat up and looked at Blair. Sound asleep, Blair was sitting at one end of the couch, the pillow Jim had rested his head against still propped up against his thigh. Jim lifted the light blanket off his legs and turned around so he could look at Blair better.
Jim didn't remember much after breaking down, but obviously he had fallen asleep and Blair had taken care of him. Gently, Jim laid the blanket over Blair and smiled as he mumbled in his sleep, snuggling down under the blanket.
After a quick trip to the bathroom, Jim slipped on his shoes and looked for his jacket. Spotting it on the chair beside the easel, Jim went to grab it. He slipped it on, looking at the sheet covered easel. Curiosity got the better of him and he pulled the sheet up.
It was a charcoal sketch, only a few lines, but he could see the sharp edge of his profile in those few simple strokes. Even more faintly, Jim could see the smudges where charcoal stained fingers had stroked those hard edges.
Glancing back at Blair's sleeping form, Jim was profoundly moved by the depth of caring Blair obviously felt for him. And it had nothing to do with Andy's heart or emotions. It was Blair's feelings making his chest swell, his heart pound, his pulse race. Letting himself feel long locked away emotions, Jim realized he was feeling love again for the first time in a really long time.
And it was scary and wonderful and... freeing.
Grabbing a piece of charcoal, Jim left a brief message on the sketch and pulled it off the pad, setting it beside Blair on the couch.
Locking the door behind him, Jim let himself out, whistling softly as he did.
***
The shrill ring of the telephone rousted Blair out of his sleep. Grabbing the offending cordless from the table beside the couch, Blair didn't open his eyes.
"Yeah?"
"Blair? Are you okay?" Trina asked, instantly concerned by the tone of Blair's voice.
"Yeah, sorry. I just woke up."
"It's after noon, sleepyhead, what're you still doing in bed?"
"Actually," Blair said with a laugh, "I never made it to bed."
"Oh? Do tell. In detail, please," Trina teased.
"It's not like that, Tri." Blair sighed.
"What happened, Blair?"
Blair stared at the ceiling, trying to figure it all out for himself. He knew Jim had left, felt the emptiness of the apartment, the emptiness beside him, but he didn't know what it meant. Was Jim upset? Embarrassed?
"Blair?"
"I'm here."
"What's going on?"
Blair's hand flopped down on the couch, landing on paper instead of the expected cushion.
"Hang on."
Blair laid the phone on his chest and grabbed the paper, recognizing the sketch he had been working on before... before Jim had arrived. Then he noticed the message scrawled across the bottom.
Call me when you wake up. Love, Jim 555-6702
Picking up the nearly forgotten phone, Blair said, "I'm here, Tri, everything's gonna be fine."
***
Trying to take steady breaths, Blair dialed Jim.
"Ellison."
"Hey... it's Blair." Blair swallowed loudly.
"Hey," Jim said softly. "How are you?"
"I'm doing okay. You?"
"Well, aside from having to leave you this morning, I'm great."
Jim could hear Blair smile through the phone, and could feel it in his next words.
"Yeah?"
"Oh, yeah."
"Me, too," Blair breathed into the phone.
"Hang on," Jim said abruptly into the phone.
There was some mumbling in the background, but nothing Blair could make out.
"You still there?" Jim asked.
"Yeah, what's up?"
"Work," Jim sighed. "I've got to go. I'll call you later, okay? You gonna be home?"
"Yeah, I'll be here."
"Great," Jim said. "Oh, and don't eat all those donuts."
Blair laughed as he heard Jim hang up.
***
The rain had stopped by the time Jim left work. It was late, and the police parking garage was quiet as he walked to his truck. Having spent the last three hours processing the paperwork on a child murderer, Jim was physically, as well as mentally, tired.
Glancing at his watch, he noted that it was a little after midnight. When he'd talked to Blair around dinner time, he had said that if he could get out of the station by ten, he'd stop by, but now it was too late. Jim sighed and decided he'd just call Blair when he got home. Climbing into his truck, Jim eased out of his parking space and headed home.
He turned the radio up and hummed along with an old rock song, driving slowly. As he passed Wonderburger, Jim realized that he had missed dinner. He considered turning around, remembering that he hadn't had time to get to the grocery store this week, but he was more tired than hungry, so he just continued home.
Letting his mind drift, Jim thought Blair. Never in his life had he met anybody with as many diverse interests as Blair. In the short time they'd known each other, Jim had been amazed at the breadth of knowledge Blair had attained. He was sure they could talk for years and still have plenty of things they'd never discussed.
Laughing to himself, Jim realized he was thinking about having a relationship with Blair that lasted years. He had never really thought he'd find someone he could have a long term relationship with, and now here he was, planning for years down the road.
Oh, man, you have got it bad. Jim thought to himself with a smile.
His thoughts turned to Andy, but the usual pang of loss Jim normally felt wasn't as strong as it had been in the past. He was sure that sharing his memories of Andy with Blair had a lot to do with remembering the joy of their friendship, and leaving behind the sense of loss and sadness.
Pulling up at his loft, Jim climbed out of the truck, stretched and closed the door. He took the stairs up instead of waiting for the ancient elevator. A whiff of something spicy caught his nose and he paused on the second floor landing. He tried to separate the smells like Blair taught him, that's when he realized what he was smelling. He took the last flight of stairs two at a time.
"Blair, what's wrong?"
Looking up from a book he was reading, Blair's eyebrows squinched in confusion. "Wrong?"
"What are you doing here?" Jim asked, hands on his hips, staring down at where Blair was sitting beside his door.
"I brought you dinner."
Speechless, Jim could only stare.
"Well," Blair said, standing up, "when I didn't hear from you by ten, I knew you'd be working late, so I took a chance."
Still speechless, Jim looked down at the picnic basket sitting innocently beside his front door.
"What?" Blair asked, a half smile on his face.
Swallowing the lump in his throat, Jim fumbled for his key and opened the door. Gesturing for Blair to enter, Jim then picked up the basket and followed him inside.
"What?" Blair repeated as he watched Jim set the basket on the dining room table.
"I didn't see your car, how'd you get here?" Jim asked, hands on his hips.
"Took a cab."
"You shouldn't have come out so late," Jim said, taking off his jacket and hanging it on the rack, and then unclipping his holster and slipping it into a drawer.
"But I wanted to see you, make sure you ate something good," Blair said, slipping off his jacket. Blair hung it beside Jim's on the rack and then turned to the picnic basket. Opening it, he began to pull out several plastic containers.
"I made tortilla soup," Blair explained. "I've got some fresh pico de gallo and chips if you want them to go with it. I wasn't sure if you wanted tortillas also, so I brought them just in case. I also made a salad. I have-"
"Blair, stop."
Looking into Jim's eyes, Blair said, "I know you worry about me, Jim. I understand, but you have to understand something, too. I'm not made out of glass, I won't break."
"Damnit, don't you know what could happen if you catch a cold? Or get mugged and stabbed or shot?" Jim gestured wildly with his hands.
"Yes, Jim," Blair answered patiently. "I do know what could happen. I live with those possibilities every day."
"Then why take chances?" Jim practically yelled.
Laying a calming hand on Jim's arm, Blair spoke softly, "Because I was so close to death, Jim, I never knew what was going to happen in the next minute or hour. I know what it's like to not know if I'll have a tomorrow, that's why I have to live today, live with my whole being, because we all just never know. I'm not gonna live a quiet, safe life without taking chances and grabbing happiness. Not for you, not for anyone."
"But what if something happens?" Jim pleaded.
"Then we'll deal with it," Blair said softly. "And until then, we'll enjoy every day."
"How can you do that?" Jim said, taking Blair's hand.
"What? Live and not worry about the 'what ifs'?"
"Yeah."
"I already did that, I already lived the 'what if', now I'm gonna live reality. I'm gonna live and love every day."
Realizing the truth in Blair's simple, honest words, Jim finally nodded, staring into Blair's serious blue eyes. "Okay."
"Okay." Blair smiled, and Jim couldn't help but smile in response.
"So, tortilla soup?"
***
It was just after two when Jim yawned.
Laughing, Blair said, "Guess I should call a cab."
Sitting up, Jim said, "No, I can drive you."
"Jim, you can barely keep your eyes open. I'll just call a cab."
Reaching for the phone, Jim's voice stopped him. "No, wait." Blair turned around. "Why don't you sleep here?"
"Here?"
"Yeah, you can sleep upstairs and I'll sleep here on the couch."
"No, I couldn't make you sleep on the couch, not after you slept on my couch last night." Blair grinned. "Why don't you just sleep upstairs with me?"
Swallowing hard, Jim managed, "With you?"
"Yeah. I won't bite..." Blair teased, "much."
"Blair..." Jim warned.
"What?" Blair held his hands up in an innocent gesture. "I'm teasing, Jim. I'll stay on my side of the bed."
"Okay, you can stay."
"Great," Blair said, standing up. "You have a spare toothbrush?" Jim nodded. "I'm gonna go brush my teeth. Think you can find me something to wear. A tee-shirt'll be fine."
Nodding again, Jim watched Blair walk to the bathroom.
Idiot! Jim berated himself. How am I supposed to lie beside him all night and stay on my side of the bed?
Climbing the stairs to the loft, Jim listened to Blair humming in the bathroom.
I'm in such deep shit.
***
Hearing the toilet flush, Jim shook off his thoughts and set his mind to his immediate assignment, something for Blair to sleep in.
Yanking open his tee-shirt drawer, Jim grabbed an old white tee-shirt, worn and soft with age. His rough fingers stroked the soft material, thinking about how it would feel on Blair.
You've got to get a grip, Ellison! And then he chuckled. Get a grip, yeah, I'd love to get a grip on-
"Jim?" Blair said softly from the top of the stairs.
Spinning around, Jim felt his face flush, feeling like a child with his hand caught in the cookie jar.
"I, um..." Jim said, holding out the tee-shirt.
"Oh, thanks," Blair said, turning his back to Jim. He quickly shucked off his flannel shirt and a thin thermal undershirt, before pulling on the tee-shirt.
Jim watched as Blair sat on the bed, untied his hiking boots and kicked them off. Leaving his socks on, Blair stood and undid his pants, letting them fall to the floor as Jim watched, unable to drag his eyes away. With a quick smile, Blair turned, pulled the covers back and slid between the sheets.
Grinning at Jim, who hadn't moved an inch, let alone blinked, Blair wiggled his eyebrows. "Ya gonna join me?"
"Huh?"
"You," Blair said, pointing at Jim, "join me," pointing at himself, "in bed," pointing at the bed.
"Oh." Jim swallowed hard. "Yeah."
Feeling Blair's eyes on him, Jim turned away, trying not to think. He pulled the ends of his shirt out of his pants and unbuttoned it one handed while he grabbed a tee-shirt out of the still open drawer.
"Do you normally sleep in a tee-shirt?"
"Huh?"
"The tee-shirt," Blair pointed to Jim's hand. "I just thought you'd be the type to sleep in very little."
"Oh, I... uh... no, I usually just sleep in the nude," Jim admitted.
"Don't let me stop you." Blair's voice soft, coaxing, seductive.
Jim dropped the tee-shirt back into the drawer. He slid his shirt off and pulled the muscle shirt off quickly. Kicking off his shoes, Jim pulled off his socks before unbuttoning his pants. He didn't have to look at Blair to know he was watching; Jim could hear Blair's heart pounding, the quickening breathing.
Sliding the chinos down, Jim stepped out of them and flipped off the light, climbing into bed.
"Didn't look very nude to me," Blair teased in the darkness.
"Go to sleep, Chief," Jim laughed.
Blair wiggled around on his side of the bed until Jim was almost ready to scream, then two things flew past Jim's face and landed in a soft whisper of fabric.
"I always sleep in the nude."
With that, Blair turned over and fell asleep, leaving Jim wide awake, contemplating all the bare flesh beside him and the miles of empty space between them.
***
Long hours later, Jim was standing at the balcony doors, staring out into the darkness when he heard Blair moving around upstairs.
"Jim?" Blair called from the top of the stairs.
Already moving to intercept Blair, Jim was halfway up the stairs when he realized Blair wasn't dressed.
"Oh, god, you're beautiful," Jim breathed on Blair's lax penis, causing it to stir under the gentle breeze of words.
Blair bit back a moan as he grabbed the railing.
Moving further up the stairs to steady him, Jim took Blair into his arms. With Blair a step above him, their bodies were in perfect alignment.
"Why am I fighting this?" Jim asked against Blair's neck.
"Beats the hell outta me," Blair whispered back, running his hands over Jim's bare back. "Kiss me."
Kissing the stubble roughened jaw, Jim tantalizingly worked his way towards Blair's mouth. Blair's lips were parted when Jim finally reached his goal, sliding his tongue in boldly, marking his territory. He held Blair's head steady, taking what he needed, giving back pure lust and desire, stoking the burning fire between them until Blair pulled away, growling with want.
"What do you want?" Jim whispered hotly against Blair's lips.
"You..." Blair panted, "in me."
Urging Blair back, Jim didn't stop until they hit the bed. He flipped the light on as he felt Blair's hands at his waist, easing his tented boxers down.
"Oh, Jim," Blair all but purred.
Jim's hips thrust helplessly as Blair gripped his cock, stroking it once before taking it into his mouth. Blair's mouth was an inferno burning Jim alive, all suction and wet heat. He resisted looking until he couldn't any longer, the pleasure just too intense, and it was almost his undoing. Watching his cock slide between Blair's swollen lips, Jim moaned uncontrollably.
Blair slowed his ministrations, letting Jim's dick slide from his lips and pulling Jim down into a kiss. They kissed slowly, tongues dancing around each other.
Jim's hands slid down Blair's back, cupping his firm ass in both hands, kneading the heated flesh. Breaking the kiss, Blair moaned and latched onto Jim's neck, kissing and licking. Jim's fingers skimmed the crevice, skating over the hidden pucker; Blair trembled roughly in Jim's arms.
"How long has it been?" Jim asked as he rubbed that special spot again.
"Too... too long," Blair stammered.
Easing off the bed, Jim knelt between Blair's spread knees. With the tip of a finger, Jim traced the fading scar down Blair's sternum; he leaned down and kissed it before continued his journey downwards. Dipping his tongue in Blair's belly button, Jim felt Blair's cock jump against his throat, so he repeated his attention and this time, felt a bit of moisture leave a mark on his neck.
Holding Blair's rock hard dick in his hands, Jim watched Blair watch him. He watched Blair's eyes darken as he leaned over and licked the wetness from the tip. With one hand on Blair's hip, Jim felt the tremor shudder through Blair as Jim sucked in just the head. And the whole time, Blair's eyes never left his.
Blair's throaty little noises spurred Jim on, driving him to greater pleasure for himself and Blair. Downing as much of Blair's cock as he could, Jim cupped Blair's heavy balls, shifting them in their sac; Blair spread his legs seeking more stimulation.
As his hard organ slid from Jim's lips, Blair watched Jim smile greedily. Blair pulled his legs to his chest, baring his pleasure center to Jim's hungry gaze.
With his thumbs, Jim parted Blair's ass cheeks, pulling the skin around the pucker tighter, and then leaned in and licked across Blair's opening. The whole bed shook under Blair's spasm. Jim repeated the gesture, this time not stopping after one pass, but continuing his onslaught, tongue fucking the tight little bud.
Blair could no longer see Jim's eyes, but oh, the things he was feeling. His thoughts were scattered and fragmented save for one; he needed something, anything inside him. Reaching out blindly, his hand enclosed his cock and stroked it once, but that only served to sharpen his need. He released it, rubbing a bit of the moisture on his index finger as he reached for Jim's mouth.
The sharp scent of Blair's pre-come made Jim's cock jump, and when he felt Blair's hand touch his face, he leaned into the caress, halting the plundering of Blair's loosening hole. Blair's finger slid into his mouth and Jim's body jerked as he tasted Blair's essence. Sucking on Blair's finger, Jim leaned back in to continue rimming Blair's sweet ass.
Something instinctive and familiar washed over Blair and he slid his finger from Jim's mouth and pushed it against and inside his hole. Sitting back, Jim watched as Blair fingered himself. Jim gripped his cock in a bruising fist, the sight in front of him almost overwhelming him in its eroticism.
Wetting two fingers, Jim joined Blair, opening the long empty hole. Blair's moans grew louder with each thrust, their combined fingers going deeper and deeper until they could go no further. Blair needed more, asking with every movement of his hips, every whimper, to be filled, taken.
Pulling his fingers out, Jim watched Blair's eyes open, so lost he was in the pleasure, it took a dozen or so seconds.
"Now, please..." Blair begged, "...make love to me, Jim."
Hurriedly, Jim pulled open his bedside table drawer. Nervous, he fumbled a bit opening the condom package, but soon had it open and was rolling it up his aching cock. Squirting some lube on his fingers, Jim quickly slid them back inside Blair's heat, slicking the way for their loving.
Blair squirmed on those questing fingers, trying to get still more, eager for Jim to be inside him. And then Jim was there, his sheathed cock sliding in inch by inch, their eyes locked on each other as they became one. Blair moaned long and loud as Jim filled him completely.
And then Jim moved his hips, thrusting shallowly, but Blair had other ideas. He wrapped his legs around Jim's waist and thrust up as Jim thrust down, and stars exploded behind his eyes as his prostate felt the full impact.
"More... harder, Jim!"
There was nothing for Jim to do but give Blair what he was begging for. Moving faster and faster with each pump of his hips, Jim built their rhythm to the beating of their hearts. They moved together in perfect harmony, instrument and virtuoso working towards a shared goal.
Jim snaked his hand in between them and stroked Blair's cock, feeling his own completion moments away.
"Show me," Jim grunted out.
Screaming, Blair's semen, viscous and pungent, anointed their chests, scalding them for the briefest of seconds, before Jim's hips slammed into Blair's one last time, Jim's semen filling the only barrier between them.
Breathing hard, Jim eased Blair's trembling legs down, and rolled them onto their sides, kissing Blair's sweaty face.
In a blinding flash of clarity, Jim realized that there was no use in fighting it, they were undeniable. As undeniable as everything else in his life had ever been, everything up until this point was just leading him to Blair. It was like a dot-to-dot puzzle finally taking shape and revealing its true form. He had been waiting his whole life for Blair.
Now, moments after their union, he wasn't concerned about what was going to happen tomorrow or next month or next year. Life was for living and loving, and they'd do both together, for as long as they were able.
"Love you, Blair," Jim whispered, feeling full and whole, able to say the words for the first time in ages.
Blair kissed Jim's jaw and whispered sleepily, "Love you, Jim... my Jim... always my Jim."
Over a month later, just a week before the second summer session started at Rainier, Jim gave Blair another piece of his life back; he gave Blair the ability to teach again. Through a joint venture with Ellison Industries and Rainier University, Blair would be teaching a trial Introduction to Anthropology class to a small group of students using streaming video and other high tech equipment.
Ellison Industries was especially interested in the success of this project, hoping to create other similar interfaces for business and universities across the states. Rainier was pleased to participate in the project, enjoying the publicity and the free cutting edge technology supplied to them. It was a win win situation for all involved, but none more so than Blair.
When Jim surprised Blair with a new home computer, Blair hadn't been too sure what to think. His own system had been perfectly adequate for his needs, but then Jim had hinted and hinted until Blair was nearly crazy with curiosity. When Jim finally told Blair about his plan, Blair had been speechless. And so very, very happy.
As the first day of class approached, Blair found he could hardly contain his excitement, talking about all the topics he wanted to cover in the short five week course, gathering slides, creating a course outline. And all through it, Jim smiled happily and watched a joy he had never seen in Blair's eyes take shape. If Jim thought Blair was lit from within before, Blair was practically radioactive now.
The morning of the first class, Jim crawled out of Blair's bed at the apartment and went in search of his missing bed mate. He found Blair in front of the computer.
"What're you doing up so early, Chief?" Jim asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
"Couldn't sleep," Blair shrugged.
"It's gonna work fine," Jim reassured. "Todd's gonna be here to make sure everything goes smoothly on this end, and Josh is gonna be at the university."
"I know... I just... I want this be great, to be so good the university will let me teach more in the fall."
"It will be. The kids'll be lined up around the block to take your class, to be part of history in the making."
"No pressure, right?" Blair grinned.
"No pressure. I know you, you're gonna be wonderful." Jim kissed Blair softly.
Blair sighed, "I wish you were gonna be here."
"Me, too, but I've got this important meeting; I can't miss it," Jim said regretfully. "But Trina'll be here for moral support, just don't let her get you drunk and take advantage of you."
Blair laughed. "Nah, I'll save the celebration for when you get home tonight."
"Promises, promises."
Laughing, Jim pulled Blair out of the computer chair and into his arms.
"How about you give me a preview?"
"First, we turn it on..." Blair said, stroking Jim's hardening erection.
"Mmmm... I'm liking it so far."
"Then you're gonna love how it ends," Blair said smugly, dropping to his knees.
***
Fifteen minutes before the class was scheduled to start, Todd was running a final check. Blair sat by nervously, holding Trina's hand for support. He could see the small classroom at the university where the class would be held, there were only to be twenty students included in the experiment.
Watching the monitor, Blair saw the first students start filling the classroom. Josh was setting the camera at the best angle to pick up the students and testing the volume on his mic. Blair also saw Cindy, a former student who had jumped at the chance to be Blair's assistant, organizing the papers she was going to hand out for him.
And then it was show time.
Speaking into his mic, Blair tried to let his nervousness drain away. "Hi, and welcome to Intro to Anthropology. I'm Doctor Blair Sandburg."
Some of the students waved to the camera and Blair waved back.
"This is gonna be a new experience for all of us, I think."
Clearing his throat, Blair pulled up the slide of the course syllabus. "Okay, let's get started. Cindy, can you hand out the syllabus?"
"I'll do it," a very familiar voice said from beside the mic, out of camera range.
Suddenly, there was Jim smiling into the camera at Blair, who was smiling back. Jim, who had given his life back to him, piece by piece, with his love and his thoughtfulness.
And as Blair watched Jim hand out the syllabus, he said a small prayer, and began teaching again. Living complete, completely satisfied.
The end.
Thank the author! Back to Main Index
Acknowledgements: Many thanks to Diana and Mary for the beating...I mean, betaing. {g} Loads of thanks to Audrey for the late night inspiration. {wink} Thank you also to Amy and Sam for the great art!! Special thanks go to Silk and Amy for the medical info. And to my Sweet William for info about virtual classrooms that I ended up not using. Always.
