Saved-Up Wishes - Ankaree

~~~~~

When you love someone,
All your saved-up wishes start coming out.
~Elizabeth Bowen~

~~~~~

"Everything okay, Jim?" Simon asked, standing in front of Jim's desk.

At first it seemed as if Jim hadn't heard Simon, but after a few moments he looked up. "Yes, sir."

"You had me worried the way you were staring at that envelope."

"Oh, this." Jim threw the small papers onto his desk. "It's just a wedding invitation."

Simon grinned. "Oh yeah? Anyone I know?"

"My brother." Pulling a file from his in-box, Jim rifled through it pretending to look busy.

"Wait a second." Simon sat down next to Jim in the chair usually used for suspects. "I've known you for nearly two years and I didn't know you even had a brother."

"Yep."

"You don't seem very excited that he's getting married." Not that Jim ever got excited about anything, Simon thought. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd seen the man smile.

"It's complicated, sir. Family stuff. You know how it is." Jim sighed, not really wanting to get into this right now.

Simon took the hint and stood up. Placing a hand on Jim's shoulder, he squeezed gently. "You should go, Jim. Maybe try and fix some of that 'family stuff'."

"I don't know, maybe," Jim mumbled as Simon walked away.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Sitting down at his large wooden desk, Simon sipped his much needed cup of morning coffee and looked into the bullpen at Jim. He shook his head sadly at the quiet man. This wasn't the first time Simon had wondered why Jim wouldn't let anyone get close to him.

People had tried to get past the 'great wall of Ellison', but Jim wouldn't budge. A few times fellow officers had invited Jim to go with them after work to the local cop hangout but Jim always declined.

Simon was the only person whom Jim had befriended. On a few occasions they had grabbed a bite to eat together or caught a game on the television, but even after spending time with Jim, Simon really didn't know a whole lot about him. He kept his private life just that -- private.

Out of all the people that Simon knew, Ellison was the one man who needed someone the most, even though he was too stubborn to admit it. Jim always kept his distance from everyone -- always kept those damn walls up. Simon took a deep breath; he wondered if a person would ever come along who could love James Ellison enough to stick it out and knock those bricks down.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steven Ellison, his fiancée, Lisa Morrow and his good friend and best-man, Blair Sandburg, sat at his dining room table opening the last of the wedding response cards. He reached for an envelope and after reading the return address, he froze.

"What is it, honey?" Lisa asked when she noticed Steven's stunned expression.

"This one." He indicated the paper he was holding. "It's from Jim."

Blair looked up from the pad on which he had been writing the names of people who would be attend the wedding. "Your brother?"

Steven nodded.

"Well, open it silly," Lisa laughed.

A worried frown creased Steven's forehead. "What if he declined?"

"You won't know unless you look at it," Blair said hopefully.

Grabbing the letter opener, Steven slowly sliced through the envelope, removed the invitation, then stared at it.

"Well?" Blair asked anxiously.

Grinning widely, Steven looked up at Blair and Lisa. "He accepted."

"That's great, man." Blair smiled warmly and patted his friend on his back.

"Oh, honey, that's wonderful." Lisa leaned closer to kiss Steven on his cheek. "I'm so happy you'll finally get to see him after all this time."

"I hope he wants to get to know me. I haven't seen him since he joined the Army." Steven nervously played with the letter opener.

After making amends with his dad two years ago, Steven had tried to get in touch with his brother, but Jim had never returned his phone calls. Steven was sorry for the incident that had happened all those years ago with their dad's car and also for all the things that had come between them prior to that. When Steven and his dad had started talking again, that was one of the first things they'd discussed. His dad had explained how incredibly sorry he was for the way he had treated both Steven and Jimmy and that he, too, wanted to fix things with his older son.

With Steven now starting a family of his own, he longed to have Jim be a part of their lives again and hoped his wedding would be a good place to start. Steven truly wanted to make things right with Jim -- he wanted his big brother back.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jim sat alone on a park bench not far from the PD. It was his lunch hour and he needed to get out into the fresh air. His senses were acting up a lot more today than they usually did. Bending forward, Jim leaned his elbows on his knees and pinched the bridge of his nose. He wondered what the hell was wrong with him. He had already been to three different specialists and they hadn't found a damn thing wrong. Now they believed it could be a psychological problem and the doctors wanted him to see a shrink.

Maybe I am going crazy, Jim thought. He wasn't sure how else to explain everything that was happening to him. For the past few months he had started to see and hear things that no one else could. Some days his skin was on fire, other days it wasn't. Then there was his taste buds and his sense of smell, they would become so out of control it would drive him to his knees. Jim laughed bitterly to himself; he was actually surprised that he wasn't already in a white padded cell wearing a straight jacket.

He was now riding a desk, because Simon couldn't risk sending him into the field. He had already blacked-out twice during a bust. Another time while arresting a perp, the man's cologne had been so strong that Jim had collapsed and the guy had gotten away.

Jim looked at the sandwich he had packed and wrinkled his nose. He put it back in the brown paper bag and tossed it into the garbage can. Leaning back against the bench, he closed his eyes and allowed the warmth of the sun to soothe him.

Tomorrow was the rehearsal for Steven's wedding, followed by a dinner. In the envelope that he had received, there had been a small note asking him to attend and he had wondered if he should. He wasn't even sure why he'd answered the damn invitation. There was no reason for him to go. He had separated himself from his family a long time ago and couldn't figure out why they'd even want him there.

Damn it, why did things have to get so complicated? Aside from his police work, he wanted to live a quiet, simple life. Jim was quite happy living a solitary existence, with no one to interfere or bother him. Yeah right, Jimmy boy, a small voice sarcastically teased him, you just keep right on trying to convince yourself of that.

If Jim would allow himself to admit it, he was lonely and longed to share his life with someone. But who would have an anal retentive, controlling, aging cop? No one that Jim knew of anyway. Then there was the problem of his out of control senses. The last time he had tried to have sex, it had ended in disaster. The sensations had overwhelmed him and much to his embarrassment, he had blacked-out. He had come back twenty minutes later to a terrified lover and Jim decided not to have any more sexual encounters until his senses problem was back under control.

With a tired sigh, Jim stood up and slowly walked back to work.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Built in 1928, the Hay-Adams was one of Cascade's most grand and luxurious hotels. The lobby was warm and intimate, and the private rooms were lavishly decorated with fine antiques. With personalized service, elegant luxury, and culinary excellence, the hotel was a favorite place for heads of state, international businessmen and the social elite.

As Jim entered the magnificent entrance, he had no idea that he was the epitome of sexy, dressed in black dress pants and a dark burgundy shirt. And as he strolled up to the front desk, many eyes lustfully watched him walk by.

When the clerk, a tall brunette, noticed Jim, she smiled sexily and raked her eyes over him in appreciation. "May I help you, sir," she asked sweetly as she brushed her hair over her shoulder in a flirtatious manner.

Jim knew the woman was flirting with him but he wasn't in the mood to try to explain that he wasn't interested. "I'm here for the Ellison wedding," he said coolly.

Noting the standoffish manner, the clerk quickly changed back to a more professional attitude. "Do you have an invitation, sir?"

Reaching into his pant's pocket, Jim produced the engraved paper.

After looking it over, the clerk gave it back to Jim. "Right this way, sir." She came out from behind the counter and indicated for Jim to follow her. They walked through the lobby, past a grand wooden staircase, toward the back of the hotel. "The rehearsal is in the gardens, and dinner will be served at the rooftop restaurant," the young woman explained. After walking down a long hallway, they stopped at a set of carved wooden doors. "Here we are, sir. Go right in, they've already started," she said as she opened one of the doors for Jim and motioned him into the beautiful outdoor garden. "If you follow this path," she indicated a flagstone walkway, "it will lead you to your party."

"Thank you," Jim said politely.

"You're welcome, sir," she replied with a little smile then left.

As Jim rounded a corner, he stopped just at the edge of an intimate courtyard surrounded by beautiful flowers. To his left was a small cascade of water trickling into small pond and in the middle of the yard were about a hundred white chairs facing a white, rose covered arbor.

He saw a small group of about twenty people sitting at the front watching his brother and the bride-to-be, a tall elegant blond woman. The rehearsal was meant to be intimate, so Jim assumed that the people here were the wedding party, family and close friends.

Jim's attention was suddenly drawn to a young man standing next to Steven. His eyes slowly drifted over him, noting the sturdy compact body, the curly hair that was pulled back into a ponytail, a beautiful yet masculine face, and incredible sapphire-blue eyes. Jim grimaced slightly when he felt a warm tug of desire towards the man. Not since that disastrous night, eight months ago, had Jim felt attracted to another man and it was something he was afraid to feel again.

As if sensing he was being observed, the young man turned his head slightly and locked eyes with Jim. He frowned for a second as if in thought, then gave Jim a stunning smile, which lit up his entire face. With eyes still on Jim, he leaned forward and whispered something to Steven. His brother placed his hand on the man's shoulder then glanced back and saw Jim.

Jim watched with a bit of apprehension as his brother approached him.

"Jim." Steven grinned warmly.

"Steven." Jim returned.

Steven's smile faltered slightly at Jim's cool demeanor. "I'm glad you came."

Jim nodded. "Thanks for inviting me."

"Please, come join us." He indicated the group of people, turned and slowly walked back hoping that Jim would follow.

Jim hesitated briefly, then followed his brother. When he came to the chairs, he sat down in the last row, acknowledging his father with a slight nod.

"Everything, okay?" Blair whispered to Steven once he returned.

"I'm not sure it went all that well."

"Give him a chance, man. This must be hard on him, too." Blair tried to sound hopeful.

Lisa lovingly held Steven's hand. "It'll work out, honey. You'll see." She gave a light kiss to his lips.

Cupping Lisa's face, Steven smiled and returned her tender kiss. "I love you."

"Love you too, Steve," she said, her voice full of adoration.

After the rehearsal was finished, everyone was told to proceed to the rooftop restaurant where dinner would be served shortly.

Blair looked around and noticed that Jim was gone. He told Steven that he'd be upstairs in a few minutes, then as inconspicuously as possible, he swiftly made his way out of the gardens. As Blair entered the lobby he caught sight of Jim leaving through the front doors. He had to jog slightly to catch up to the other man.

"Jim!" Blair called to the retreating back. "Wait up, man."

Jim heard his name being called and quickened his steps. He knew that musical voice had to belong to the blue-eyed beauty and he didn't want to be anywhere near the man. He was almost at his truck when his right arm was lightly grabbed from behind. In an instinctive move, using his left hand, Jim gripped the man's wrist and spun around.

"What do you want?" Jim said, glaring down.

Jim's fierce look had no effect on Blair, he simply gazed up at Jim with large eyes filled with concern. "You're leaving?"

Realizing he was still holding the other man's hand, Jim quickly released it. "Who the hell are you anyway?"

"Sorry. I'm Blair Sandburg. A good friend of your brother. So, are you leaving?"

"Yes," Jim said pulling his truck keys out of his pocket.

"Why?" Blair demanded.

"Look, Chief, I don't know what you know about my family, but I don't belong with them." Jim tried to walk around to the driver's side of his truck but Blair blocked his path.

Putting both hands on Jim's chest, Blair held him back. "Of course you do." He smiled slightly.

"What?" Jim growled, his patience wearing thin. He took a step back trying to dislodge Blair's hands.

"You belong with them," Blair answered confidently and tilting his head slightly, he gazed into Jim's eyes.

He wanted to believe that, but too many years of anger, loneliness and betrayal drove him to doubt Blair's words. "No, I don't," Jim said angrily. Brushing past Blair, he quickly jumped into his truck.

"Jim, wait!" Blair called but it fell on deaf ears. Jim's truck loudly squealed away from the parking lot. "Damn," he muttered, kicking at a stray stone on the pavement. "This is going to be a lot harder than I thought." Blair really wanted to help Steven patch things up with his brother, but he hadn't expected Jim to be so stubborn.

There was also another reason - a more selfish one - for wanting to help. Ever since Blair had seen the picture that Steven had shown him of Jim on the cover of News Update Magazine, he had felt a tug from deep within his soul. Those haunting ice-blue eyes had called out to him and he had tried to find as much information on James Ellison that he possibly could. He had gotten a call a few days ago from a nurse that he knew at Cascade General. She had told him that a James Ellison had come in to see one of the doctors. After reading the file of Jim's complaints, Blair knew exactly what was wrong with the detective. Now he only had to find the best way to go about helping him and to hopefully convince him that he did belong with his family

With a deep sigh, Blair turned back toward the hotel. He was not looking forward to giving Steven and William the news that Jim had left. Jim may have run out this evening, but Blair was not discouraged and he was not about to give up.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

At 11:00 p.m. Jim switched off his television set and was about to head upstairs to bed when there was a sudden knock on his door. He frowned slightly; he almost never had visitors at the loft, especially at this time of night. Grabbing his revolver from the coffee table, Jim aimed the gun then quickly yanked the door open.

"Whoa, take it easy, man." Blair jumped back and instinctively raised his hands.

"What do you want, Sandburg?" Jim barked, lowering his weapon. He groaned silently, it was bad enough that he'd been fantasizing about the kid almost since he'd left the hotel; now his tormentor was standing in his hallway, looking incredibly gorgeous.

Blair dropped his hands and took a calming breath. "I just wanted to talk."

Jim intentionally looked at his watch. "Now's not the best time for a chit-chat, Chief."

"Can I come in for a second?" Blair looked around Jim to the inside of his apartment.

"No," Jim said stubbornly.

"Please," Blair begged. Looking up, he blinked, giving Jim his best puppy dog impersonation.

One glance into those beautiful blue eyes and Jim knew he was beat. With a sigh, he gave in and stepped aside. Jim closed the door behind him and secured his gun in its holster on the coat rack. Crossing his arms over his chest, he turned to face Sandburg. "You're very good at that, you know."

Blair pulled off his jacket and smiled brightly. "Thanks. I've been told that look could be used as a lethal weapon."

For the first time in a long while Jim laughed and he realized that it felt good.

"So, why are you here?" This time Jim kept the gruffness out of his voice.

Placing his jacket on the back of the sofa, Blair sat down. "I wanted to talk to you about a few things."

"You always make yourself right at home in other people's houses?" Jim accused but with a smirk on his face. He admired the man's assertiveness and Jim was coming to realize that Blair wasn't someone who was easily pushed around.

"I'm an anthropologist, man," Blair grinned. "I've learnt to adapt to any situation."

Jim smiled slightly and moved towards the kitchen. "Beer?"

"Yeah, sure." Blair relaxed a bit, he was glad that Jim seemed to be lightening up.

After taking two beers from the fridge, Jim handed one to Blair and sat down beside him. He took a sip of the cool liquid then pinned Blair with a piercing stare. "So, talk."

Blair took a deep, calming breath then jumped right in. "Are you going to the wedding tomorrow?"

Jim took a few seconds before he answered honestly, "I don't know."

Shifting his body, Blair turned to face Jim. "Your family wants you there."

Taking another sip, Jim stared straight ahead. "Why?"

Blair placed a hand on Jim's shoulder and felt the tension there. "Because you belong with them."

Jim jumped up, walked to the balcony doors and gazed out at the city lights. "That's where you're wrong, Chief," he said quietly. "I don't belong."

Setting his beer on the coffee table, Blair stood and slowly approached Jim. He stopped a few inches behind him and gently laid his hand on Jim's back, speaking softly, "I know your childhood wasn't the best, and I know that your dad tended to put you and Steven up against each other. But he is truly sorry for the way he treated the both of you. Last year Steve and your dad made amends but they realized that something was missing. It was you, Jim. They want you to be a part of your family again."

Jim shook his head and downed the last of his beer in one gulp.

Blair decided to let everything out and be totally honest with Jim. "Jim, I know about your time in Peru and I know you've been having problems with your senses..."

"What!" Jim yelled angrily. The bottle slipped from his fingers as he turned around and grabbed Blair's upper arms roughly. "My father put you up to this, didn't he?!" When Blair didn't answer, Jim shook him. "Didn't he?!"

Blair was stunned at Jim's sudden surge of anger and he blinked a few times before replying. "No, Jim."

"I've heard enough." Jim dragged Blair towards the front door. "I want you out of my home."

"Jim, wait. It's not what you think." Blair broke free from Jim's hold and was able to get to the door before him. He swung around to face Jim, planting his feet apart, his hands on his hips.

Blair's stance didn't deter Jim. He walked up to him and clutched the front of his shirt. Pushing his body against Blair, Jim forced him back against the door.

Blair pushed the palm of his hands against Jim's chest to try to move him away, but it was impossible, Jim was too strong. "Listen to me, Jim, your dad has nothing to do with this. I was trying to find information about you and found out everything on my own."

Jim's face was mere inches away from Blair's as he growled, "So now that you've got a good look at the freak, you can leave."

"Don't say that!" Blair yelled. "You're not a freak! You've got an incredible gift!"

Blair's words echoed through the loft as the two men became silent. With eyes blazing, they glared at one another, panting harshly from their anger.

Suddenly, Jim's hands moved and buried themselves in Blair's hair. Pinning the back of his head against the door, Jim devoured his mouth.

Blair groaned loudly and pushed against Jim's lips, deepening the kiss. He opened his mouth, sucking hard on Jim's tongue when it was pushed inside.

Jim's hands roamed over Blair, yanking his shirt up to feel the heated flesh of his back. Sliding one hand around to Blair's chest, he teased and pinched the nipples. He delighted in the moans that escaped Blair when he played with the silver loop he found on one of the hardened nubs. Quickly, Jim divested Blair of his shirt, then cupped his ass, pulling him up.

Kissing Jim frantically, Blair clutched his shoulders and wrapped his legs around Jim's waist. The sudden height aligned their cocks and they both moaned deeply as their hardening erections brushed.

Holding Blair tight but still smothering his lips in an intense kiss, Jim quickly made his way to the sofa. Blair gave a small grunt when Jim suddenly dropped him down and quickly straddled Blair's hips. Jim wildly ground his cloth-covered erection against Blair's, causing him to hiss in pleasure and thrust his hips upwards.

Ripping his lips from Blair, Jim quickly removed the rest of Blair's clothing, then within seconds he was naked as well. Grasping Blair by the shoulders, Jim pushed him down until he was lying with his back on the sofa. In a swift movement, Jim covered Blair with his own body. Once again he claimed Blair's lips in a hard passionate kiss and began to thrust himself forward. Growling at the sensations, Jim moved his mouth to suck and nip at Blair's neck and throat, carelessly leaving bite marks.

Arching his back, Blair clutched Jim's head, pushing him down towards his nipples. "Oh, yeah," he cried out his pleasure and bucked when Jim sucked hard on the ringed nub. He had never, in his life felt such intense desire toward another man and he knew at that moment that he wanted Jim to claim him.

Jim's hands and mouth roamed hungrily over Blair, feasting on the incredible body. He thrust his hips more forcefully when he heard Blair's frantic cries of pleasure. Knowing Blair was close; Jim captured his mouth and reached down between them, seeking out the soft pucker.

As Jim brushed his finger over the hot hole, Blair tensed. Thinking that he wanted more, Jim did it again, then suddenly realized Blair wasn't reacting in pleasure but in apprehension. He quickly pulled back and looked down at Blair with concern.

Panting harshly, Blair looked up and met Jim's eyes. "I'm sorry. It's just --I've never -- I mean, I've been with a guy before, but -- I've been waiting for someone special. It'll be my first time." Embarrassed, Blair turned his head away.

Jim closed his eyes, took a deep breath and carefully climbed off the sofa. Finding their clothes, Jim quickly pulled on his jeans, then passed Blair his things. "You'd better get dressed."

"What?" Blair asked, stunned. "Jim, I didn't mean that I didn't want to keep going." He had been with a few guys in the past, but had never wanted to go all the way. He was saving that for someone special, and even though he'd only just met Jim, Blair somehow knew in his heart that he was the one -- that they were meant to be together.

Not looking at Blair, Jim sat down on a kitchen chair, leaning his elbows on his knees. "Look, Chief, I'm -- uh -- flattered, but it's best if you leave. You don't want to waste something so special on someone like me. Go find yourself a nice kid your own age and have a good life."

Numbly, Blair pulled on his clothes. As he laced up his shoes he wondered what in the hell had just happened. He had never felt anything so incredible when Jim had touched him so intimately and then he had to go and open his big mouth. Standing, he snatched his jacket off the back of the sofa. "You're wrong, Jim," he said angrily. "I wouldn't have wasted anything, especially not with you. It would have been incredible." He stood watching Jim for a second. "This isn't over," he whispered, then turned and quietly left the loft.

Jim dropped his head in his hands after he heard the door close. "Damn you for making me feel again," he groaned miserably.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It was a warm, sunny day in Cascade and the wedding ceremony had been beautiful. Blair smiled affectionately as he watched Steven and Lisa walk down the isle together for the first time as husband and wife. He turned to Helen, Lisa's maid-of-honor, and presented his arm. She smiled softly and hooked her arm through his, and they walked slowly behind the happy couple.

Blair grinned and nodded to the people he recognized but faltered slightly when his eyes unexpectedly met ice-blue ones. He really wasn't sure if Jim would show up. Seeing him standing in the back row, looking gorgeous in a navy blue suit, Blair's heart soared with happiness. Things might just work out after all, he thought cheerfully.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The dinner at the reception had been exquisite; Jim was thankful that his sense of taste hadn't acted up and he was able to enjoy the delicious food. Now that the meal was over, the dancing was about to get underway. Jim sat alone at the bar on the far side of the room and watched as his brother and new wife swayed to the music of their first dance. Jim smiled slightly, he was truly happy for them.

Last night he hadn't slept very well. He had lain in his bed thinking about what Blair had told him about Steven and his father wanting to mend things. As hard as it was for him, Jim decided that if they were willing to give it a second chance then so was he.

Feeling a light touch to his shoulder, Jim turned around to find his father standing next to him.

"Pops." Not knowing what to do and feeling a little awkward, Jim stuck out his hand.

"Jimmy." William took his son's hand in his and squeezed gently as they shook. "I'm glad you came. So is Stevie."

Jim indicated the stool next to him and his father sat down. "To be honest, I almost decided not to show up."

"What changed your mind?" William asked.

Looking around the room, Jim's eyes came to rest on Blair, who was now dancing with Lisa. "A certain determined anthropologist."

Watching Blair, William smiled affectionately and shook his head. "He can be damn persistent, can't he? You know if it wasn't for Blair, your brother and I wouldn't have started talking. He was the one who convinced Stevie to try to fix thing between us. Even came to see me and wouldn't leave until I agreed to meet Stevie for lunch. I am incredibly grateful to that young man and can't even begin to think of a way to repay him."

"I have a feeling he's happy just seeing you and Steven getting along." Jim grinned as he watched Blair enthusiastically twirl Lisa around the dance floor to a faster beat. Blair looked striking in his black tuxedo and dark blue bowtie. His hair was tied back, but that only made his facial features and beautiful eyes stand out even more.

"Jimmy, I know this probably isn't the right place to get into this, but I want to apologize for the way I treated you when you were younger. I know I wasn't there for you or Stevie the way a father should be. It's not an excuse but at the time I really thought I was doing the right thing. I really want to set things right between us."

Running a hand across his mouth, Jim met his dad's eyes and nodded. "So do I, Pops, and with Steven, too."

"Maybe the three of us can meet for dinner sometime soon and talk."

"I'd like that," Jim replied.

William smiled brightly and placed a hand on Jim's shoulder. "If you want, we can set something up when Stevie and Lisa come back from their honeymoon. Would you be comfortable having dinner at the house?"

Jim thought it over for a second and decided that it didn't bother him. Although the house held many memories, not all of them were bad. "That would be fine." Reaching into his breast pocket, Jim pulled out his wallet. Flipping it open, he slid out a business card and handed it to his dad. "Here's my card. It has my home and cell phone number on it. Call me and we'll set up a time."

Grinning, William took the card, placing it in his jacket pocket. "I do think it's time that I danced with my new daughter-in-law." He squeezed Jim's shoulder as he stood. "I'll talk with you later. Okay, son?"

"Sure, Pops." Jim stood as well and much to his own and his father's surprise, he gave William a quick hug.

William hugged him back a bit clumsily then left, with a slight bounce in his step, to dance with Lisa.

As he watched his father go, Jim couldn't believe how much the man seemed to have changed. The hard edges of William's face, the ones Jim always remembered being there, had softened.

"He's happier now, more relaxed, more at ease with people," a soft voice said from beside him.

Jim turned his head to look down into Blair's beautiful face and nodded. He noticed that Blair had shed his dress jacket and tie. The top two buttons of his shirt were undone, revealing little wisps of curly chest hair.

"You two have a good talk?" Blair glanced up and gazed into Jim's eyes.

"Yes, thanks to you," Jim said, gratefully.

Blair flushed slightly and looked down. "Naw, I didn't do anything. It was the both of you who made the first steps to communicate."

Jim looked around the room then spotted the French doors that led out to the garden. "Can I talk with you for a minute?" Jim asked. When Blair nodded, Jim took his hand and quickly led him outside to a small private patio. The evening air was warm and the full moon lit up the area in a bluish glow.

Leaving the doors slightly open, Jim turned to face Blair. "Chief, I want to apologize for the way I acted last night. I shouldn't have made you leave that way."

"It's okay..."

Jim pressed his fingers to Blair's lips and shook his head. "No, it's not okay. That was a horrible thing for me to do. I'm surprised you're even talking to me. I really am sorry."

Blair met Jim's eyes and smiled softly. "I forgive you, Jim."

Returning the smile, Jim took one of Blair's hands in his and breathed deeply. "You charged into my life and in less than an hour, turned it upside down. You gave me a lot to think about last night, Blair, and made me take a long hard look at myself. You made me feel things I haven't felt in a long time." As the soft sound of a slow song drifted past the French doors, Jim had an urge to hold Blair. He reached up, running his knuckles along Blair's cheek. "Dance with me?"

Blair's smile lit up his face. "I'd love to," he replied enthusiastically.

When Jim opened his arms in invitation, Blair happily slid into them. He wrapped his own arms around Jim's waist, and laid his cheek against Jim's shoulder. Both men sighed contentedly when their bodies came together and they began to sway to the slow music.

Holding Blair this way felt incredibly right to Jim and he wondered how he could have ever made him leave last night. He realized that what he'd done was a big mistake, one that he would never repeat.

As they rocked their bodies in unison, Jim slid his hand up Blair's back to his neck. He slowly pulled the hair tie from his hair, releasing the mass of curls. Dropping the tie in his pocket, Jim pulled Blair closer, burying his face in the silky strands and nuzzling his neck.

"You smell incredible," Jim whispered.

Blair smiled and pulled back slightly to look up at Jim. "Can I ask you something?"

Brushing a stray hair from Blair's face, Jim answered, "Sure. Ask me anything."

Looking away, Blair bit his bottom lip then met Jim's gaze once again. "Um, last night, what was the real reason for making me leave?"

Pulling Blair back against his chest, Jim leaned down slightly and spoke softly into his ear, "It had nothing to do with you, Chief. I honestly didn't think that I was good enough for you. For your first time you deserve so much more than just a quick roll in the sack. First times should be special, you should be able to look back and cherish the memory. When I realized you were a virgin..." Jim tilted Blair's face up to meet his eyes but Blair turned away, embarrassed, "No, Blair. Please, look at me." He waited until Blair looked at him before he continued. "That's such a rare and wonderful gift and I'm not sure I should be the one you share that with."

Blair shook his head. "You're wrong, Jim. What happened between us last night was unbelievable. I can't even begin to explain how you made me feel. You're the first person to ever make me want to share that part of myself. I don't know how I know it but I know you'd never hurt me, and that you'd be incredibly gentle. I trust you and I want you to be the one, Jim." Just the thought of Jim's hands on his body was starting to make Blair hard.

"God, Blair." Jim hugged him tightly and even though the music had stopped, he still rocked slowly. What Blair was asking him to do touched him more deeply than he could ever have imagined. He shuddered suddenly at the thought of what happened the last time he'd tried to have intercourse.

"There's something you're not telling me."

He doesn't miss a thing, does he? Jim thought in amazement. He hesitated, halting their movement, not sure if he'd be able to talk about something so painfully embarrassing. He wondered if Blair would still feel the same way once he found out about his little problem.

When they stopped moving, Blair pulled back and saw pain and sadness in Jim's eyes. Stepping out of Jim's embrace, Blair took his hand and led him to a nearby bench.

"What is it, Jim?" Blair asked quietly once they were seated.

"I can't talk about it." Jim said a bit defensively.

"Does it have something to do with your senses?"

Fear suddenly clutched at Jim's heart. He jumped up and began to walk away from Blair. "I said I can't talk about it, so just leave it alone."

Jim's tone didn't sway Blair; he knew that Jim was reacting out of some kind of fear-based response. He quickly leapt to his feet and lightly grabbed Jim's arm, feeling him tense. "Easy, Jim," he said soothingly. "I didn't mean to pry. I was only trying to help and I can help you, especially with your senses. I have a feeling that you don't trust easily, but you can trust me, Jim. I want you to know that I would never do anything to hurt you."

Jim deflated at Blair's words and he turned to face him, placing shaking hands on Blair's shoulders. "I'm sorry, Chief, I didn't mean to snap at you. It's just -- the last time I tried to be intimate with someone, I blacked-out. My senses are so screwed up and sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy. And I admit, it scares the hell out of me..."

"Shh -- It's all right." Blair pulled Jim into a tight, comforting embrace. He understood that for a man like Jim, someone who was used to being in control, it must be terrifying to deal with something so uncontrollable. "If you give me a chance I really believe that I can help."

"Okay, Chief." Jim nuzzled the soft curls, the scent somehow comforting him.

Blair smiled and placed a gentle kiss to Jim's neck. "Why don't we go back inside, enjoy the rest of the evening, and later on tonight we can go to your place to talk."

"Sounds like a plan." Jim squeezed Blair lightly before letting him go. With his hand on the small of Blair's back, Jim guided him back into the large reception room.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

With Blair as a comforting presence at his side, Jim was able to relax and enjoy the rest of the evening. At one point he had approached his brother and Lisa to wish them all the best. Steven had pulled him aside for a private conversation and they had both agreed to meet with their dad for dinner, once the happy couple returned from their honeymoon. His brother seemed genuinely happy by the turn of events their relationship appeared to be taking. And although Jim was being a bit cautious about getting back together with his family, he had to admit that he was glad that they were all making an effort to make things right between them.

As the evening drew to a close, Jim found himself becoming more and more excited about having the chance to be alone with Blair again. He wasn't sure how the night would progress, but he swore that if anything sexual started between them, he would take his time with Blair and show him how amazing making love for the first time could be. His heart soared at the thought of claiming Blair and being the first person to ever touch him so intimately.

Sitting alone at the bar, Jim sent out his hearing in search of Blair. He heard him chatting enthusiastically to a young woman about some expedition he had been on. Smiling at Blair's obvious excitement, Jim stood up and slowly made his way over to Blair.

Coming up behind him, Jim gently placed his hands on the younger man's shoulders and whispered into his ear, "You about ready to leave, Chief?"

A shiver of excitement rushed through Blair's body when he felt the warmth of Jim's breath caress his neck. He excused himself from the woman he was talking with then turned his full attention to Jim. "Sure, man. Just let me say good-night to Steven and Lisa."

Having said their goodbyes, Jim started to lead Blair through the parking lot towards his truck when he stopped. "Did you come in your own car?"

"Nope, I came in the limo with Steven."

"Okay, good," Jim smiled. With a hand on Blair's shoulder, he guided Blair around to the passenger side, unlocking the door to let him in.

Blair hopped inside then leaned across the seats to flip up the lock on Jim's door. When Jim got in, he sent Blair a smile of thanks.

"Hey, Jim, do you mind driving over to my place first? I'd really like to change out of these clothes and there's something I need to get."

"Sure, Chief, no problem."

After getting directions from Blair, Jim maneuvered his truck into the light night time traffic. They sat in a comfortable silence on the drive to Blair's place, each man lost in his own thoughts.

"Do you want me to come in?" Jim asked when he pulled up in front of Blair's apartment building.

"No, not unless you want to. I won't be long."

"All right, Chief, I'll wait here." When Blair moved to open the door, Jim stopped him with a hand on his thigh. "Hey, hang on a sec." Scooting closer to Blair, Jim gently placed his hand at the back of Blair's neck and guided the other man to him. Their lips met in a light kiss, Jim taking his time to suck, nip and lick at the luscious mouth. With a moan, Blair parted his lips and Jim slowly slipped his tongue inside. He pulled Blair closer to deepen the kiss, and smiled to himself when he felt Blair tremble and clutch at Jim's jacket. A few seconds more, then Jim reluctantly broke away and leaned his forehead against Blair's.

"Oh, man," Blair panted, his body feeling weak and hard all at the same time.

"That's just a little encouragement for you to get back here fast." Jim grinned breathlessly.

Blair gave Jim a small peck to his lips, then quickly pushed open the door and literally ran towards the building. Jim chuckled as he watched the young man frantically unlock and enter the front doors. He couldn't believe how much had changed in the last 24 hours -- how much he had changed. He never would have thought it possible that another person could have such an effect on him -- yet it had happened. This long-haired, talkative, stubborn, beautiful man, whom he really knew nothing about, had snuck under Jim's radar and changed his life forever. He knew he'd never be the same again and for some reason that thought -- which should have scared the crap out of him -- didn't.

He was still smiling when Blair returned a few minutes later with a backpack slung over his shoulder. As he approached the truck, Jim leaned across the seat and opened the door for him.

"All set?" Jim asked once Blair was settled.

"You bet." Blair grinned.

Twenty minutes later Jim was steering his truck into his normal parking spot outside of his loft. Taking Blair by the hand, Jim led him into his building. He could sense Blair's anxiousness and excitement when he opened the front door and indicated for Blair to go first.

Full of nervous energy, Blair practically bounced into the room. Setting his backpack on the floor next to the sofa, he turned and looked at Jim. His breath caught in his throat, his knees weakened at the sensual, heart-melting smile that Jim was giving him. A slight blush tinted Blair's cheeks when Jim's gaze began to rake over his body then grow hungry with desire. Blair was surprised at the sudden shyness that seemed to come over him. He shifted his eyes away from Jim and looking down, began to fiddle with the hem of his shirt.

Blair never heard Jim move, but suddenly the man was standing before him. Jim cupped his chin, tilting his head up to look at him.

"So." Jim smiled warmly.

"So." Blair returned the smile and slid his hands up Jim's chest.

"Would you like a drink or something?" Jim's gaze shifted from Blair's eyes to his full lips.

"Or something." Blair grasped the lapels of Jim's dress jacket, drawing the taller man down to him. As their lips met in a soft tender kiss, Blair wrapped his hands around Jim's neck. They both groaned when Jim slid his arms around Blair's waist, pulling their bodies tightly together and deepening the kiss.

Blair was the first to pull back slightly, his eyes blazing with passion. "I want you, Jim. Want you to make love to me."

Cupping Blair's face, Jim brushed a light kiss across his mouth. "Are you sure?"

"Positive." Blair smiled warmly.

Returning the smile, Jim took Blair by the hand, leading him upstairs to his loft bedroom. As they approached the bed, Jim could sense Blair's nervousness, so he turned and pulled Blair into his arms. "I promise to take things slowly, Blair, and I promise it will be a night you'll never forget. But if you ever feel uncomfortable, about anything, you let me know and we'll stop. Okay?"

The warmth of Jim's breath on his neck made Blair tremble slightly and he snuggled a little deeper into Jim's embrace, feeling safe and secure in the strong arms. Although they'd only known each other a few days, Blair felt like he'd known Jim all his life and he felt a trust in Jim he'd never felt with anyone else.

"I trust you, Jim." Blair answered after a few minutes of relishing the feel of Jim's body against his.

Jim moved his head to look into Blair's eyes, seeing all the trust, love and desire shining within. "You're amazing," he whispered and placed a small kiss to Blair's forehead. With a smile, Jim released Blair and went to his dresser to light some candles, then he turned on his radio, setting it to a channel that played easy listening music. He turned to look at Blair and was once again blown away at the exotic beauty of the man.

Blair watched Jim slowly approach him, a sexy smile gracing the handsome face. His heart began to race as he imagined what it was going to be like to make love with Jim. When Jim was, at last, standing in front of him, Blair gazed up into his eyes hoping that Jim would see all the love and desire that Blair felt for him. Seeing the look of love shining back, Blair knew now that his search was over, that Jim was the man who would make his life complete. When Jim opened his arms, Blair quickly stepped into their warmth and groaned loudly when Jim's lips covered his own.

They kissed passionately for a few more minutes, then Jim started to slowly remove Blair's clothing. Not wanting to be the only one naked, Blair quickly followed Jim's lead, shedding his clothing to reveal the hard muscular body.

Jim began to walk forward, carefully maneuvering Blair backwards towards the bed. Cupping the back of Blair's head, Jim lowered him down onto the sheets. His gaze becoming hot when he raked his eyes over Blair's beautiful body. He smiled when his gaze met Blair's and saw the same desired filled look returned.

Covering Blair's body with his own, Jim claimed the luscious lips in a hungry kiss, feeling Blair arch up into him. Blair clutched at Jim's back, pushing their erections together, the friction causing wonderful sensations to flow through each man.

"Oh yeah. Jim -- I need...," Blair groaned.

"I know. Let it go, Blair. This is only the beginning." When Jim latched onto a hardened nipple, Blair bucked wildly, his panting becoming more erratic.

"Come with me, Jim. Oh, God -- I want -- us to come -- together," Blair hissed. Throwing his head back, he clutched Jim's back, crying out his name as the orgasm rushed through his body.

The smell and feel of Blair's cum splashing between their bodies drove Jim over the edge and with a loud grunt, he quickly followed his lover into orgasmic bliss. Shifting, Jim moved to Blair's side and drew the shaking body against him, placing the curly head on his chest.

Blair snuggled into Jim, planting light kisses on the soft flesh beneath his lips. "That was amazing, Jim," Blair said when he finally got his breath back.

Jim placed a finger under Blair's chin and tilted his face up for a soft, gentle kiss. "It was." Jim agreed with a soft smile.

Crossing his arms over Jim's chest, Blair shifted his body so it was covering Jim's, then he rested his head on his arms so he could look up at Jim. "You're senses okay?"

Jim suddenly realized that his senses were fine -- no spikes and thank God, no black-outs. His senses seemed to be at their best when Blair was around that he hadn't even thought about a problem arising. "They're fine." Jim smiled and reached out, brushing some hair out of Blair's eyes and tucking it behind his ear.

"I meant what I said before. I can help you get control over them. Later -- much later," Blair smiled sensually, "I'll show you a book I brought about an explorer who discovered natives with enhanced senses."

Carding his fingers through Blair's soft hair, Jim gazed warmly at his lover. "Thank you, Blair -- for wanting to help me, but most of all for coming into my life. I realize how lost I've been without you."

Blair moved one of his arms to gently run his knuckles along Jim's face. "I've been lost without you, too," he replied honestly and took Jim's mouth in a long, hot kiss. When he broke away, both men were panting hard. "Make love to me, Jim. I want to know what it feels like to have you moving inside of me."

With a growl, Jim flipped Blair over onto his back, pinning the other man beneath him, his eyes raking over Blair's face. "You're so beautiful. I love you." He sucked in a sharp breath and turned his head away when he realized what he just said. Jim felt Blair cup his face, turning him so their eyes met. The look of love shining within Blair's eyes made his heart melt.

"I love you, too, Jim, more than anything. This is forever."

"Forever and for always," Jim whispered just before lowering his head to once again claim Blair's lips.

The End.

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Author's Acknowledgements: Many thanks to Kat and Elaine for their great beta work!