Running Home - VampyrAlex

Prologue

1845 - Somewhere in Northern America

Each step was getting harder to take than the one before. The rain was cold and soaked through the tattered remains of his garments, making them cling to him like a second skin, hindering his already weak movements.

He panted as a new wave of pain hit his body courtesy of the knife wound in his side. The throbbing pain was a constant reminder of how the only miserable life he'd ever known had come to an end in just a few tragic moments.

He had no idea how long he'd been walking or how long it had been since he'd fallen from his horse, forced to continue his painful march on foot. He only knew how tired he was feeling and that he wouldn't mind very much dying at that moment. 'Anything for the pain to be over', he thought. He'd learned to handle physical pain years before, but the ache inside was intolerable.

Shivering against the angry wind and chilled to the bone, his battered body was clammy with perspiration from the effort to keep moving.

He stumbled and fell, feeling the sodden, earthy ground caress his cheek. Unable to master enough strength to rise, he lay motionless as the rain bathed him mercilessly.

He was so tired... closing his eyes against the weeping sky, he felt darkness approaching and welcomed it gladly.

Chapter I - The Beginning

"You think he's dead?" Brian Rafe whispered softly to his friend, looking at the young man lying on the ground.

"I don't know," Henri Brown replied, moving closer to the stranger. Carefully, he checked to see if the dirty man was breathing. "He's alive. But he's been stabbed, and it looks bad. If we leave him here, he'll die for sure."

"What do we do?"

"Go get Simon. We have to carry him back to the wagon, and we'll need all the help we can get. We have to be careful, or we'll hurt him more. Now go!"

"Right."

After making sure Brian was on his way back, Henri knelt down beside the young man. He'd never seen such a head of hair as the stranger had. Even covered with leaves and dirt, you could see it was very pretty, long, curly and wild looking. The color was also unusual, not quite red, not quite brown, but something in between.

"Hey, kid... can you hear me?" he whispered, gently nudging him on the shoulder.

The young man moaned, but otherwise stayed unconscious.

"Kid?"

This time Henri watched as huge sapphire blue eyes fluttered open to gaze dazzlingly at him. Full rosy lips parted, but no sound emerged out of them.

"Shhh," Henri soothed. "You'll be fine. We'll take good care of you. You're safe with us."

He heard noise and turned around just in time to see Simon Banks walking through the dense woods towards them. With him came Megan Connor, her eyes already on the man lying on the ground.

"How is he?" she asked.

"He woke up just now, but I'm not sure he understands what's going on around him."

"I have water," Simon uncapped a canteen he'd brought with him. He pressed it to the flaccid lips, pouring a small amount of the cool liquid. He was satisfied as he felt the kid taking careful sips.

In the meantime Megan was inspecting the wound, trying to gauge how serious it was.

"Well?" Henri looked at her.

"It's a bad wound. Deep and starting to infect. We have to move him from here and as fast as possible. Brian, go back and fix a pallet up. Get a fire going and put a kettle to boil. At least the rain stopped!"

"Thank God for small mercies! I'm on my way, Megan."

"Simon, can you carry him alone?"

"Yeah."

He hooked an arm under the stranger's knees, one behind his back, and lifted him gently to his chest. The kid's head fell back over Simon's arm; he was unconscious once again.

"We better hurry," Henri said, as he looked up at the dark cloudy sky. "It's going to start raining again any minute now."

*#*#*

His whole body hurt. He felt hot and his throat was sore, making it hard to swallow. And yet... he felt strangely comfortable, dry and warm after so long fighting mother nature's elements.

Stifling a moan, he forced his eyes open and gazed slowly at his surroundings. A white canvas ceiling curved above him, and an oil lantern was burning low on a wooden box near the pallet where he was lying. A wagon... he was in a wagon. But whose and why?

He stretched languidly, feeling his body's pains all the more achingly, then snuggled back into the soft bedding with a sigh. His feet were bare and someone'd dressed him in a worn, but comfortable nightgown.

"Hey! How are you feeling?" a soft voice asked, and he turned his head towards the speaker. "You hungry? I have some broth for you."

A young woman smiled gently down at him. She lifted a spoonful of the broth to his lips, and he swallowed gratefully. It would not only feed his hunger but also help soothe his throat.

"Where am I?" he finally managed to ask in a voice hoarse from lack of use.

"In our wagon. My name is Megan Connor. We're with a wagon train heading to a place called Cascade. Bought us some land there. We plan to start a new life there, make a new start," she smiled again. "Come on, eat your broth. It's getting cold."

He nodded and concentrated on swallowing the broth, feeling its warmth spread through him, once again bringing that sense of comfort and security. He'd lost track of how long he'd been fleeing, fearful of pursuit. It had been days, weeks... out in the open, eating whatever he could find, barely sleeping, always moving, always running.

This woman seemed so kind, so gentle. He would be forever grateful to her and her companions. Not too many people would offer a perfect stranger a shelter under their own roof. Especially a dirty, wounded stranger, someone who looked like he must've looked when they found him.

Finally, he had enough broth and gave the tin back to Megan.

"Good boy!" she chuckled as she noticed it was empty. "I'd like to know your name," she said, voice softening as if talking to a frightened child.

"Blair."

"That's a lovely name, Blair. But doesn't it have anything to go with it? A last name? And where's your family?"

Sad ocean eyes looked away as he whispered, "It's just Blair. And I have no family left."

"I'm sorry. What were you doing out in the woods in this weather? Where are you heading?"

"Nowhere. I just..." he shook his head as if lost for words. "I just wanted to get away," so soft she hardly heard him.

Megan nodded, as if understanding what he wasn't saying. "You're welcome to stay with us for as long as you feel like it, no questions asked. We all have pasts we'd rather forget in this group. But we decided if we couldn't change our pasts, we'd make our own futures, better ones. You're welcome to join our merry band," she said ruefully.

"You understand," he whispered in awe, and Megan nodded once more.

"Yes...We're all running from something in a way. Simon and Henri were slaves for a bastard with more money than heart. One day he decided to beat Henri within an inch of his life just because he dared to look him in the eye. Simon stopped him before it was too late, but they were both forced to flee to stay alive. Brian fell in the love with the wrong woman and lost everything, money, home... He wants to start over in Cascade, just like the rest of us."

"And you?" Blair queried softly.

"Me?" her smile was a little bitter. "Like you, there was once a time in which I was known by my first name only. I used to be a prostitute until I faced the wrong client and was thrown out on the streets without a penny to my name. I decided I'd had enough of people telling me what to do and was going to live the way I wanted. I worked hard and saved enough to buy my piece of land and here I am. So, you see, we're all on the same boat... uh, train," she chuckled and patted his arm. "Now rest. You're still feverish. Let the past go and concentrate on the future, Blair. Everything will look better in the morning, trust me."

*#*#*

That night was a restless one for Blair, his fevered state bringing forth nightmares from the very life he was trying to run from, to escape from.

He dreamt of his mother's brutal death as Warren Chapel kept hitting her over and over again with his big fists until she finally stopped crying and just lay silent on the floor. He dreamt of trying to help Naomi and being held forcefully by Chapel's son, Carl. He dreamt of Warren and Carl beating him savagely while he lay on the ground by his mother's body. He dreamt of Carl's attempted rape and how he'd managed to escape by hitting the bastard on the head too hard, killing him, but not before Warren stabbed him in revenge. He moaned even in his sleep as he realized he was going to be haunted forever by that death and the knowledge that he would have to run for the rest of his days from his stepfather Warren Chapel, the only father he'd ever known.

He woke up in a cold sweat; Megan patting his sodden curls soothingly.

"You're safe," she whispered. "It was only a bad dream. As long as you're here with us, nothing is going to hurt you."

Blair relaxed further into the bedding, letting Megan's tender touch lull him back into much-needed sleep.

*#*#*

Blair woke up the next morning to the sound of pots and pans clanking together as the wagon kept its rhythmic pace. Simon was calling instructions to the horses, cracking the whip, keeping the animals in time with the rest of the train. He shifted uncomfortably on the pallet.

"How are you feeling?"

He turned his head slightly and tried to smile at Megan, "Better, I think," he replied. But it came out scratchy, his throat still hurting.

She smiled gently and nodded, "Feel hungry?"

Blair seemed to think about it for a while, then shook his head, "No, but I'm thirsty, though."

"Fever'll do that to you. Here, drink as much as you feel like, but take small sips. I wouldn't want you to get sick on top of everything else."

He drank greedily, barely remembering her warning, feeling the cool liquid ambrosia sliding down his sore throat. When he was finally sated, and still very much exhausted, he sunk back into his nest of covers weakly.

"Thank you," he mumbled.

"No problem. Now let's have a look at that wound of yours."

Lifting the nightgown, and completely unembarrassed by the young man's sudden nudity, Megan changed the wound's dressing carefully, making sure it was healing nicely and that the infection was fading. Apparently the herbs she'd been given by a native Indian she'd met some months before were doing the trick.

She wanted to know how that wound came about, but was afraid to ask. The young man reminded her of a skittish colt who'd been whipped one too many times and was distrustful of anyone coming to pat it. And his eyes... Those beautiful blue eyes were so sad. What a shame for someone so young to have already seen so much in life.

As Blair watched Megan taking care of him, he once again felt overwhelmed by the wave of compassion and kindness he felt coming from the young woman. He could remember people like her back when it was just he and his mother Naomi. Before they moved to the Chapel farm when he was just a little boy.

From that moment on, everyone had begun to look at the two of them as they looked at the Chapels, as if they were trash, criminals, or someone deserving the very worst in life. He grew up listening to angry spat words, taunts he couldn't ignore and began to hate.

Time and time again he tried to explain that he and his mother were different from Warren and Carl... that they had no choice but be there... that his grandfather finally got tired of having an unwed daughter raising a small child and decided to have her marry the first man that came along. Even if that man was Warren Chapel, a ruthless bastard, train robber, and killer. Someone who did what he felt like, because he enjoyed it, because no one had the guts to fight him.

But who would believe him? He and Naomi were treated so badly that Blair couldn't even remember a day growing up when he didn't wear rags or wasn't barefoot and dirty. He looked as bad, worse maybe, than the Chapels.

And now his mother was dead, by Warren's very hands and only because she dared look and smile at another man while they were in town shopping. And he'd been beaten as punishment for trying to stop the madman and nearly raped by the man who was supposed to be his brother, because like his father, he felt like it at the time.

The only reason he'd escaped that fate was because Carl was too drunk to think, and had still worn his holster, and gun as he'd attempted to overpower his stepbrother. In an act of desperation, Blair felt the gun as he struggled against the stronger man, and running purely on panic, had snatched it from the holster and hit Carl on the head with it until the other man stopped moving.

Blair was nearly out the door when Warren came to after having passed out drunk himself. Rage at his son's death was apparently enough to sober Warren up, and Blair wasn't fast enough to dodge the thrown knife. He managed to stumble out the door before Warren could reach him, stole a horse and rode away, never looking back.

He took a deep breath. This group of people, Megan, Simon, Henri and Brian, they didn't seem to care about the rags he was wearing, how dirty he looked or who or what he might be fleeing. All he saw in their eyes was acceptance and understanding, and that meant everything to him. For almost the first time in his young life he was being treated as a person, a human being, not as a nuisance or a body to punish when the need to hurt someone became too great to ignore. And that's all he'd ever been to Chapel and his son, someone to hurt, humiliate and mistreat. To such a point he almost didn't know how to react to his new friends, his saviors.

But Megan was right; they were all on the same boat there. It might take years before he got rid of the Chapel taint, the awful memories or the pain, but he would fight the dragons in his soul and make a new life for himself. Maybe even find someone to love him and who he could love back. And maybe Cascade was just the place to start.

*#*#*

It was nearly dark when the wagon train finally halted for the night. Megan brought Blair another tin of broth, keeping him company while he ate, chattering about everything and nothing until it was time to sleep.

A little after midnight, though, they were all awakened by a man's voice shouting for Megan, "Megan! Megan! Where the hell are you? Simon, where is she?"

Blair heard Simon grumble from beneath the wagon, where he, Henri and Rafe slept in bedrolls. "She's inside, Ellison. What's with all the commotion?"

"It's Carolyn, she's in labor. I need Megan, now!"

Megan crawled to the end of the wagon and shoved the canvas flaps aside, "Mr. Ellison? I thought your wife was due in another month or so!"

The man's voice was husky and low with anxiety. "I don't know why this is happening now, only... Megan, please!... She's in agony. Will you come?"

"I'm on my way," she said, her face serious and concerned. Turning back to Blair who was still lying inside, hidden from prying eyes, Megan whispered, "Go back to sleep, Blair. If you need anything, just ask Brain or Henri."

"I'll be fine," he mumbled softly.

Megan lifted a shawl over her shoulders and jumped easily out of the wagon, "Let's go, Mr. Ellison. It's time to bring your child into this evil world."

*#*#*

When the next day dawned, word got out that Carolyn Ellison was still in labor. Megan was doing everything in her power to bring the child into the world without harming the mother, but things were not going well.

The train couldn't afford to lose a day, so they continued their tortuous journey, although at a slower pace in deference to the pregnant woman.

It was all in vain. When it was time to stop for lunch, Megan came back with the sad news that Carolyn had died after giving birth to a little girl.

"How's Ellison taking it?" Simon asked, concerned about the stoic man he'd come to know and like since the wagon trail had assembled some months before.

"Badly. He's blaming himself for bringing his wife on such a trip, that it's all his fault... that kind of thing. No amount of talk made him change his mind on the subject."

"And the baby?" Rafe wanted to know.

Megan shook her head sadly. "Wouldn't be surprised if she died in the next few hours. The poor little thing must be starving, but it just won't stop crying. No one has been able to feed her. I tried everything I could think of, but that child just kept wailing like it's in pain. Damndest thing I ever saw!" She turned her attention to Blair. "And how are you, my young friend?"

"Fine, Megan. I still haven't thanked you for everything you've done, have I?"

"No need. You would've done the same, Blair. How about a walk after Mrs. Ellison's funeral? I bet you could use a little stretch."

Blair nodded eagerly. He was still a bit feverish and his wound still hurt, but he was tired of lying down for so long. His body was beginning to complain.

She patted his arm and left the wagon to help with Carolyn's burial arrangements. Her husband was just too numb to be able to do anything, better let her do it.

Throughout most of the afternoon Blair just dozed on the bedding, occasionally hearing someone crying over Mrs. Ellison or singing as they buried the poor woman.

It was dark when Megan finally returned to the wagon to take Blair on the promised walk. "Come on, Blair, time to breathe in some fresh air."

"Huh... Megan, I don't have any clean clothes to wear, " he reminded her as she pulled the covers off him and helped him rise to a crouching position.

"Doesn't matter for now. It's late so no one will pay any attention to you. Just dress in what you were wearing when we found you. And your boots are all muddy, so you might as well stay barefoot. Tomorrow at first light I'll find something from Brian or Henri you can wear. Now, come on."

They left the wagon slowly, giving Blair's legs time to get used to moving again after the last days lack of use, and began to walk away.

Blair ran his hands over his hair and grimaced. Since being rescued by Megan and the others he hadn't washed, so his long, curly hair was a tangled, matted mess. He must look a sight, he thought ruefully; glad no one was paying them any mind.

They'd been walking for a few minutes when the sound of a crying baby reached their ears. Megan shook her head sadly.

"That poor infant... still hasn't eaten a thing. Come on, I have to check on her. Can't stand the idea she's going to die like her mother."

"Megan, no! I can't let anyone see me like this! I look terrible!"

"It's just for a minute, Blair, I promise," she stated as she nearly dragged him towards the Ellison wagon.

The man was seated dejectedly by the tailgate, the small baby lying in a wooden crib covered in bedrolls just beside him. Next to the child was a redheaded woman trying to feed the little girl from a tin of warm milk with a little spoon. From the way the baby was wailing, it didn't seem to be working.

"That's Cassie Wells," Megan told Blair, nodding towards the red head as they grew closer. "I can't stand the woman. Never seen suck a stuck-up nose in my life!"

What caught Blair's attention wasn't Cassie Wells or even the crying baby. It was the silent man seated on a low stool looking desperately at his little girl. His short, dark hair was tousled; his clear blue eyes moist and his strong jaw kept twitching, trying to keep his emotions at bay. Blair's own broken heart went out to him.

At that moment Cassie turned and saw them, her eyes gazing with barely concealed disgust at the young man.

"What the hell...? What do you think you're doing, bringing that... that..." she sputtered affronted. "that dirty little thing anywhere near this wagon? This is a death vigil and..."

"The child isn't dead yet!" Megan snapped angrily. "I heard her crying and came to see how she was doing."

"And did you have to bring him along?" a new voice asked huskily, and all heads turned towards the grieving man. "Just look at him, for God's sake! He's just a filthy piece of trash. God knows what he's done to get himself stabbed! I don't want him near my baby." Ellison's voice was low and dangerous, the steel in his eyes chilling Blair to the bone. All he wanted to do was escape into the safety of Megan's wagon.

"I'm going to ignore your hurtful words in respect for your pain, Jim," Megan replied gently. "But you're wrong about Blair. I have good instincts, and they tell me he's trustworthy and a good person. Besides, as my grandmother used to say, the clothes do not make the man."

"Oh, please!" Cassie spat. "You know nothing about him and yet you still give him shelter. I could not believe it when word got out around the train you'd found him in the woods and brought him into your wagon. How do you know he's not a dangerous criminal? You could endanger us all with your thoughtlessness! You can't keep picking up strangers as if they were strays. It was bad enough when you took in those two slaves!"

Megan took a deep breath in order to control her anger. If not, she'd be all over the other woman in a second; and no one would be able to separate them before she broke that little bitch's nose.

"Slaves are human beings, too. Simon and Henri are better people than you'll ever hope to be. Besides, I didn't hear you complain about them being around last week when one of your wagon wheels broke and your sorry excuse for a husband was too tired to fix it! You were real sweet to them then, weren't you? So watch your tongue, sister, or you'll end up losing it!"

Cassie gasped, "Well, I never!..." she sputtered affronted.

"I just don't want him touching my baby," Jim Ellison muttered looking suspiciously at the stranger, Blair, he'd heard Megan call him.

The young man was smaller than himself, slender, but sturdy built. His deep blue eyes were regarding the baby sadly. Jim found himself drawn to the mess of long, curly hair, surprised when even that late at night he was able to notice all the red highlights shinning in it behind the dirt.

And the smell, God, the smell!... The stranger smelled awful, and yet... underneath there was something nice, musky and spicy, and Jim knew it was the kid's natural scent.

Ellison drew in a deep shuddering breath as he felt a tightening in his groin. It'd been years since he felt it for another man, long before Carolyn ever came along. He pushed the feeling down ruthlessly and turned his full attention to Megan Connor.

"I understand why you took him in, you're a good person and can't see anyone suffering. And you know I like Simon and Henri very much. But Cassie is right, we don't know anything about him. Who he is or where he came from. I just don't want him near my child."

Meanwhile, Blair was mindless of the argument around him. How many times had he heard it all before? Dozens? Thousands? He moved closer to the wailing child, taking his first good look at the little girl. Her skin had an unhealthy pallor. She was obviously a little premature, for she was small for a newborn.

She was crying her lungs out. Her tiny hands balled into fists, and her little legs kicked the covers. Her breath was shallow and hard to watch, like she was having trouble breathing.

Unconsciously, he knelt by the crib and touched the smooth baby's cheek lightly with a finger, watching with delight as she stopped crying. Whispering softly to her, Blair carefully picked the infant and lifted her from the bedding.

Smiling down at his precious burden, he grabbed a spoonful of the still warm milk. He ran it slowly by the little girl's lips, observing in fascination as she opened her tiny mouth and dabbed greedily at the liquid.

It took a moment for the other three to register the cessation of the infant's wailing, caught as they were in what was now a heated fight between them. But once it did, they whirled around afraid the child's silence meant the worse. None of them was prepared for the scene that greeted their eyes. Blair was holding the baby tenderly in his arms as he slowly fed her, cooing, smiling and whispering happily as he did so.

Jim's heart began to pound in his chest. That was his punishment for not really loving his dead wife... that a total, filthy, unknown stranger would be the one to save his child's life while he watched helplessly.

Megan laughed softly, "Well, seems your problem is solved, Jim. We found someone capable of feeding your daughter."

"No!" Cassie growled and snatched the baby from Blair's arms. The infant found herself without her warm nest and feeding source and immediately began to cry full force again. "I won't let this piece of trash soil this innocent child!"

But try as she might, she couldn't feed the milk to the distressed child.

Finally realizing the truth, Ellison cleared his throat, "Cassie, give him back my child," he said tiredly.

Cassie turned to him, face a mask of shock, the child still crying in her arms, "What?! You can't be serious! Jim..."

"Do it." His voice was still flat, but the order clear in his tone.

With a look of total contempt on her face, Cassie handed the infant back to Blair. As if knowing who was holding her, the little girl quieted down and allowed Blair to feed her once more.

Megan nodded at Jim, happy that his prejudice wouldn't stand in the way of saving his child's life.

"You know how many people tried to feed your baby, me included, without success?" she began. "Blair was the only one. I think you should have him settled down in your wagon."

"Are you mad?" Cassie squeaked, and Megan rolled her eyes. "Settled that... that... boy on the Ellison's wagon?! A stranger?"

"He should be close to the child. She's too small and will need to be fed several times a day. Why should Blair have to travel from one wagon to the other each time? He's still healing and needs his rest. Besides, who's gonna watch the little girl while Jim is hunting or scouting? I'd volunteer, but I have my own duties and people to take care off. A baby needs constant care, and she seems to like Blair. She surely didn't stop crying for anyone else!"

"He's not even clean!" Cassie spat.

"Of course not! We found him half dead lying in the woods after a bloody rainy day! And I haven't bathed him because he had a fever, and I didn't want to make things worse!" Megan sighed wearily. "Look, we can discuss this further in the morning. Right now, it's late, it's been a trying day and we're all exhausted. It can wait until tomorrow."

Jim Ellison nodded and moved away, unaware of Megan's gaze on his back. She honestly liked the man but had always thought there was something different about him. There was more to him than met the eye.

He treated Carolyn, his late wife, as a Queen, but there was something missing in their relationship. It was like there was no real love between them, only the marriage holding them together.

And as for the man himself, he gave the air of a peace abiding soul. But he moved too fast, and his eyes saw far too much. He always knew everything almost before it was happening. And it was almost eerie to be around him sometimes. He would get lost in his own thoughts for hours, unmoving, eyes void looking. And then, suddenly, he'd snap out of it and be all action again. Definitely a strange man.

She hoped she hadn't done the wrong thing about making Blair stay with the older man, but the child's life came first.

Jim forced himself to move towards his wagon. The young man was still feeding his daughter. For once, since her birth, she wasn't crying and her skin was already looking healthier.

It still hurt to have to allow that dirty kid holding his infant, taking care of her. What would Carolyn say if she knew, if she saw it? Carolyn and her taste of the finer things and the good life. She'd never let anyone like the young man even close to her child. But what could he do? Let the child die? His heart missed a beat. No, not that. Never that.

He would just have to put up with the young man until his daughter was strong enough to be fed by someone else. Then, he would get rid of him as fast as possible. He didn't need that kind of aggravation -- or temptation, his mind added -- in his life. Megan could have him back and good riddance to bad rubbish.

He knelt down next to the stranger and the little infant, his heart swelling with some deep emotion as he finally watched his daughter feeding happily. He'd begun to lose hope, to think he'd lose both Carolyn and their child in the same day.

Of their own volition, his eyes focused on Blair's face. He was gazing attentively at the small bundle in his arms, watching as he fed her the milk. Something must've made him look up though, because he turned towards Jim, a veil of thick golden-red lashes uncovering the deep blue irises until they were staring into each other's eyes.

Once again that familiar, yet unwelcome tightening in his groin made itself known, taunting Jim, and once again he pushed it back. His wife had just died, for crying out loud! What kind of a man was he?!

'One that didn't really love his wife,' his mind whispered, but he ignored it, still drowning in the depths of the sapphire pools of the man standing in front of him.

Blair was having the exact same problem. He couldn't help thinking that Jim Ellison had one of the most perfect faces he'd ever seen. If only he'd lose the scowl. Even with tousled hair, and in definite need of a shave, there was something appealing to the man. And those eyes... They seemed to be looking into Blair's deeper ones trying to search his soul, to discover every secret he kept, every hope he hid inside.

Ellison's body was muscled and fit, powerful and graceful as he moved. Being around Warren and Carl most of his life, and with their constant abuse, Blair was almost afraid to be around a man who physically resembled them so much. Maybe his mother was right; men only knew how to hurt. At least all the ones he'd met so far. He was ashamed to be one of them.

Blair forced himself away from the other man's unreadable eyes and gazed back to the infant in his arms. With only a spoon to help him, feeding took its time, but it was worth seeing the almost immediate change in the little girl.

'It's going to be alright, Little One,' he thought to the precious life nestled against him. 'You're going to be alright.'

He suddenly lifted his eyes back to the older man, "What's her name?"

Jim blinked surprised, having been completely lost in thought. "Grace, her name is Grace."

He watched, as Blair looked down at his child, snuggling her closer to his chest. "Grace... What a lovely name. Well, Grace, welcome to the world." Blair had a serious glint in his eyes as he faced the other man. "I'll take care of her for as long as she needs me, Mr. Ellison. Even if I have to put up with someone like you."

*#*#*

Chapter II - Anger and Hunger

The next dawn brought with it a typical mid-Autumn day... dark, with heavy clouds and rain. Jim Ellison rose with the first rays of light, as he usually did, making a pot of coffee and settling down to drink it as he watched the wagon train slowly come to life, everyone preparing to move out.

He threw another log on the fire absently as he pondered about what kind of a life he'd be able to give his child. He'd never been in a happy family environment. He didn't know anything about sharing the laughter and the tears, about love, tenderness... all those things everyone else took for granted.

His early memories as a child weren't exactly bad, although his father was mostly away on some bank business. As he began to grow up, he also began to realize things weren't as black and white as they seemed to be. But it was only when his mother killed herself when he was only five that he understood how wrong things were within the Ellison Manor. By overhearing the house servants talking, he learned that his father hadn't allowed his mother to leave the house for over ten years. He believed her to be crazy because she insisted she could see and hear what no normal human being could, and didn't want anyone to know about it. It would be the disgrace of the millionaire banker if it were known his wife was demented.

But Jim knew the truth because he could also see and hear those same things. And touch, taste and smell them as well. And he wasn't crazy. So he grew up bitter, resenting his father for causing his mother's death, for thinking he was some kind of freak of nature, for not caring enough.

As soon as he was old enough, he claimed his freedom. He left home and roamed the wild, undiscovered lands, doing whatever he felt doing at the time. Looking back at those years now made he heartsick. But at the time he'd been ruled by the hate in his heart, and he hadn't wanted to stop and think, or his conscience would prevent him from doing those things. And he didn't want to stop, not then. He wanted -- needed -- to lash out at something, someone.

Years later, a battered and emotionally exhausted Jim Ellison joined the army and finally settled down in the military. And there he met Lee Brackett, another man running from his past and trying to make a new future. And something happened between them, something new, unexpected... and beautiful. In spite of what he'd been taught all his life, Jim fell in love with a man. Against all odds, he faced everything to be with him, until Lee was killed during a violent battle with the Cheyenne.

It was hard, and it took time, but he eventually got back on his feet again. He stayed in the army, following his orders to the point of obsession, always managing to stay alive although he didn't much care about that. And thus he remained, until two years before when he received a message from his father asking him to come back to his childhood home.

William Ellison had made a few risky investments and lost most of the family wealth. Now he wanted his son to marry the daughter of a millionaire in order to balance the Ellison money. Jim thought about refusing and telling his father to go to hell, but what would be the point? He really didn't care about anything at all at that time.

And so he married Carolyn and surprisingly things hadn't been all that bad. They obviously weren't in love but managed to become good friends. He'd been ecstatic when she'd told him she was pregnant. That is, until he actually realized what being a parent might mean, what having conceived that child might mean. And then he panicked.

There was no way in hell he was going to allow his child to live in the Ellison Manor, under the same roof as his father. No way in hell. Because there was a big chance that his heir would also have what he thought of as his curse, the same affliction he and his mother suffered, the ability to do all those things other people couldn't. And no way was he going to let his father treat his child as he had been treated all his life.

So, in an act of desperation, he'd stolen some of his father's money, bought a piece of land in Cascade, made plans for the journey and nearly dragged his protesting wife across the country to a uncertain future.

And now, because of him, Carolyn was dead; and he was left raising their daughter alone. And he felt completely lost and unable to cope with what was to come. All he knew was that he would keep going, for little Grace, his precious little girl. He'd make a good life for her in Cascade. She would know what it was to be loved, to have a family and someone who cared. She would never be anything but a joy in his eyes, he promised himself and his daughter fiercely.

The sounds from the train brought Jim out from his funk, and he sighed wearily. It was time to get back to real life. Moving as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders, he washed and shaved as best as he could, never once losing that strange awareness his senses allowed him to have of his surroundings.

He could hear Mrs. Davenport trying to control her already too active seven-year old and ten-year old sons. He could hear Simon and Henri helping the Meyers load their wagon because the couple was old and some things were hard for them to do. He could hear Megan telling Rafe to stop gazing at Miriam Sawyer or her husband would flatten him and feed him to the dogs. He sighed anew. He could definitely hear more than he wanted.

Jim would be glad when they reached Cascade in another month or so. Even without Carolyn, it was time to settle down, plant some roots and make a decent life for himself and his daughter. And no matter how much he liked the people in the train, or at least most of them, the noises and smells bombarding him were starting to get on his nerves.

He decided it was time for the little tramp in his wagon to wake up and feed his child. He put some milk in the fire to heat up and climbed into his wagon.

Both Blair and Grace were still asleep. The baby was snuggled against the young man's warmth, her little chest rising and falling rhythmically and peacefully. And Blair... Blair looked so young, so innocent in slumber, with the child curled up protectively between his arm and chest. 'So deceiving,' Jim's mind evilly purred.

His gaze focused on a creamy shoulder peaking from beneath the nightgown, the skin smooth and inviting to the touch. The young man's face was hidden by a tangled mass of reddish curls.

Since Jim needed to go hunting, he decided to search for his gun and ammunition, making enough noise in the process to wake the dead. When he finally turned around, Blair was watching him silently, as if waiting for him to speak first.

After an awkward moment, Jim was forced to do just that. "You want some coffee?" he asked somewhat roughly, still resenting having the young man thrown into his life without a choice.

"Yes, please," came the quiet reply.

Jim nodded, "I'm warming some milk for Grace."

An amazing smile lit up Blair's whole face, "Good. She should be waking soon, and my guess is she'll be starving."

The older man left the wagon to get Blair a cup of coffee, trying not to overhear the seductive sounds of cloth as it brushed velvety skin while the young man got dressed in the rags he'd seen him wearing the night before.

Jim watched as the young man finally climbed out of the wagon with Grace safety tucked in his arm. He moved slowly, obviously favoring his wounded side. "Can you hold her for a minute as I drink the coffee?" Blair asked softly without making eye contact with the older man.

Jim found himself nodding anyway. He came closer to the other man, so close he could actually feel the other man's breath caressing his cheek. He picked his baby up, cradling it tenderly to his chest as he sat down.

While he sipped his coffee, Blair gazed discreetly at Ellison. The man was looking down at the sleeping child with an expression that could only be described as adoration. It made him look younger, less frightening and imposing.

"She slept all night," the young man felt inclined to say, and saw Ellison nod. Evidently he was a man of few words.

Blair saw the man grimace suddenly and couldn't help a chuckle. "She's wet, isn't she?"

Jim shared the chuckle, his face becoming more open and attractive. As he raised the child from his lap, there was a damp spot on his pants, "Yep, she's wet alright!"

"Megan showed me how to change her last night. Do you have any diapers?"

"I don't know. Maybe Carolyn..." his blood turned cold as the name left his parted lips. Suddenly all the pain was there and sharper than ever before.

Jim turned hard steel eyes towards the young man. How could he be just sitting there, laughing with that boy, playing house with his daughter, while his wife had died just the day before? Life could be so damn unfair!

"You're thinking why your wife had to die when someone like me is still alive, aren't you?" Blair's voice was quiet, almost soothing.

That only seemed to fuel the rage Ellison felt brewing inside. "What were you doing in the woods?"

Blair shrugged. "I had nowhere else to go. That just happened to be where I dropped."

The older man nearly growled, "Who are you running from? The law?"

"No!" Blair rose swiftly, ignoring the pain from his still healing wound, feeling just as furious as the man standing in front of him. "Why do you have to judge everyone? Me? What the hell have I ever done to you to make you hate me so much? You don't even know me! You know nothing about me!" He took a shuddering breath. "I don't care what you think, not really. All my life, all I ever knew were people like you, who take a look at the cover and forget to see inside the book."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Ellison muttered but the other heard him.

"No, you wouldn't..." Blair paused suddenly, the truth struggling to get out. "I wanted to, you know."

"What?" Jim frowned in confusion.

"To die. I wanted to die. But Megan found me. I'm here now and your wife is dead. I * am * sorry about your loss. It's up to you whether or not you believe me. But whether you want to or not, she's dead and I'm your child's only hope of surviving! * The. Only. One!" *

"Don't you dare raise your voice at me, you little filth!" Jim shouted, bolting from the stool with a dangerous snarl.

A sudden memory of Warren towering over him, ready to strike, forced Blair to shrink back against the wagon's side. His arms covering his head, he moaned, "No... please!"

"What the..." All the murdering rage he'd felt not a second before deserted Jim in view of the young man's terrorized stance and fear-filled eyes. He could hear Blair's frantic beating heart, and unexpectedly it tore at him. He had to do something to calm the young man. "Blair?" he called, his voice turning softer.

Blair lowered his arms slowly, chancing a glance at the taller man, seeming to be judging what would happen next. "You're not..." he gulped nervously.

"What? Going to hit you? Is that what you thought?" Blair nodded uncertain. "I'm not, nor was I going to, Blair. I was mad, but I wouldn't hit you."

"I'm sorry. I'm just..."

"What the hell is going on here?" A new voice snapped, and the two men turned to look at Megan. "You two are giving the whole train quite a show. Did you know that?"

"Sorry," Blair mumbled again, head down. He hadn't meant to lose control of his emotions that way. But Ellison's high and mighty attitude was getting on his nerves, and he'd wanted to give some back. He should've known Warren would get in the way somehow.

"Well, quit it! Now, give me that child. I'm sure she needs changing, and that milk should be more than hot by now." Megan nodded her head towards the fire, where the milk was still heating up. Then her shrewd eyes settled on Jim. "If I'm not mistaken, Mr. Ellison, today is your turn to hunt for the entire train. So go about your business. I'll take care of Blair and little Grace."

Jim clenched his jaw tightly. He hated being bossed around, but maybe it was better to go. He still felt upset and confused about the young man's reaction during their fight. He'd never hit Blair, no matter how unhappy he was about having him around. He wasn't that kind of man.

He glared at Megan just for effect and whirled around, going to the area where the horses had been staked for the night. A good hunting was just what he needed to get his head straight. With another weary sigh, he saddled a horse, mounted and went in search of some game.

*#*#*

It was the morning of the fifth day Blair was caring for Grace. He was sitting by the fire, watching the dawn easing into a full and unexpected sunny day.

The last few days had gone by fairly quick for Blair. He spent most of the time resting in Ellison's wagon, recuperating from his wound and taking care of Grace. The child seemed to be blooming with the attention. She was already out of danger and getting healthier everyday.

Megan came by every morning to check on them, changing his bandage and helping with the baby. She also brought them food every night and stayed awhile whenever she could to keep Blair company.

The young man rarely saw Ellison during those days. The day after that awful fight in which Blair thought Jim was going to hit him, Ellison asked Brian Rafe to drive his wagon. As soon as that was done, Jim evaporated from sight. His knowledge of horses kept him busy most of the day helping out the train. When he wasn't helping, he was scouting or hunting. And he always ate long after the young man did.

Blair tried to pretend he didn't know why Jim did all those things, knowing he didn't want to have to spend any more time than necessary with the young man. But the truth was that the older man's unwillingness to be around him was like a knife twisting in his heart. Somehow, and in spite of their rocky start, Blair'd figured Ellison would be different. But he was acting just like everyone else did.

The very few times they were actually together, they hardly spoke at all, and would avoid looking each other in the eye. The silence was awkward at best.

Only Megan and Grace saved him from total desperation. Blair knew Jim was taking Carolyn's death hard, blaming himself for what happened. But it wasn't fair to take it out on him.

Blair ran a hand through his silky-feeling curls. The morning after he'd come to stay at Ellison's wagon, Megan had finally helped him take a bath. The young woman'd taken him to a stream near the settlement and once again totally unembarrassed by his male, naked body, she'd scrubbed him until he was raw. The hair had taken four washes to lose the grime sticking to it.

As neither Brian nor Henri's clothes seemed to fit him well, Megan had collected a few garments from some of the more generous people in the train. Blair found himself almost eager to dress in the clean smelling clothes, a feeling he'd seldom been allowed in his life.

When Ellison arrived later than night, he'd been clearly surprised at seeing the young man clean and in fresh clothes but hadn't commented on it. Just as well. Better to be ignored than to have to hear again how beneath he was still the same filth. Cassie Wells surely hadn't refrained from remarking it.

Blair looked down at the child in his arms. Grace had been fed already, and he'd nursed her back to sleep with a lullaby he'd remembered his mother singing to him. He'd never thought he could love anyone as he loved Grace, and in so little time. Part of him was already mourning the separation that would eventually be forced upon them. Blair was sure Ellison wouldn't allow him to take care of his child for much longer.

He watched the usual buzz around the camp. Women were bent over the campfires or portable ovens cooking breakfast or making coffee. Men were carrying firewood or taking care of the horses. Children were hauling water. Everyone had an important role in this life's play.

Feeling strangely comforted by all the activity, Blair got a pot of coffee boiling for Ellison. He'd had his already, but figured it wouldn't hurt to do something for the other man. After all, he was living in his wagon and, like it or not, sharing his life.

He continued to ignore the stares, the curious glances, and hushed conversations about him that wouldn't die down even after all those days. /'Might as well face them,' he thought. 'Or they'll just get worse about it.'/

Blair kept himself busy stoking the fire. He sang softly to Grace, swaying his body slightly to the melody. Soon it was time to move out, and there wouldn't be much time to enjoy the tranquility Grace always gave him when he had her in his arms. It was like she filled some void inside his heart, his whole being, like he wasn't complete without her. And he had a feeling given half a chance he'd have that same feeling with James Ellison.

*#*#*

Jim left the wagon to the sound of soft singing. He watched mesmerized as Blair rocked his infant lovingly, the morning sun highlighting the red and gold in his curls. The young man's head was slightly tilted to the side, exposing the slender throat. Jim had an almost unstoppable impulse to nibble and lick that creamy skin, to leave his mark there, to let everyone know that... No! What was he thinking?!

He wanted Blair to continue to look filthy and ragged and, not make him think of heaven and angels. He wanted to stop noticing how Blair looked in those tight dark pants or how deep those ocean blue eyes really were or how tempting those full, lush lips looked as Blair flicked his tongue over them when he was nervous. He wanted to keep hating that dirty creature. But that creature was gone and didn't exist anymore. In its place was just a young man. Young, vulnerable, shy and so innocent looking it was frightening.

"Good morning," Blair greeted nervously.

Jim realized he'd been staring, lost in his thoughts. For a moment he regretted the lack of the melodic voice surrounding him with the soothing lullaby. "Good morning," Jim replied, forcing himself back to the present.

"I made some coffee."

"Thank you."

Jim sat by the fire, sipping the hot beverage and gazing at his child. 'Anything to avoid looking at Blair,' his mind truthfully supplied.

That was one of the reasons why he spent so much time away from his wagon and had asked Rafe to drive it. He wanted to avoid seeing Blair, looking at him. But it was having the opposite effect. The few times they were together like this, Jim would become especially aware of the young man, his senses somehow focusing on him. His smell, his heartbeat, his voice... It was... unsettling.

The awkward silence between them began to grate on his nerves and he rose swiftly from the stool. "I'm going to wash up."

Blair nodded. "I brought some water from the nearby stream. You can use that."

"Thank you," Jim stepped behind the wagon for some privacy and poured some water into a basin.

Blair was setting Grace down in her crib when two small girls walked up close to him, both regarding him with open curiosity and absolutely no fear.

"Hello, I'm Anna!" one of them said.

"And I'm Beth!" the other one chirped.

The young man smiled. "Hi, I'm Blair."

"We brought you some flowers, Blair," Anna stated with a wide grin. She couldn't be more than seven, with a head full of red curls and huge green eyes.

It was Beth that gave him the flowers. She was about her friend's age, with long, dark hair and chocolate eyes. "Smell," she simply asked of Blair, nearly hitting him in the face with the small bouquet.

Blair brought the flowers to his nose and took a deep breath. When he lowered them, the tip of his nose was covered in yellow pollen, and the girls were howling with laughter.

"Very funny!" Blair chided, but he was wearing a huge grin on his face. It was good to feel that way again. He wished he could do it more often. Rubbing his nose clean, Blair looked curiously at the flowers. "What is it called?"

"Buttercups, silly!" Anna chortled as if talking to a five-year old. After all, she was seven already!

"Put it in your hair," Beth said suddenly, a shy blush darkening her young face.

"My hair?!" Blair chuckled at the idea.

"Oh, yes! Put it! Put it! Please...?!" Anna whined, bouncing up and down excitedly. "Here, I'll do it!" She took a buttercup from Blair's hand and carefully tucked it behind his ear. "There! You look very nice, Blair."

The young man laughed and shook his head at their simple joy. Had he ever been that young and innocent? If having that flower in his hair meant that much to them, he'd leave it there -- no matter how silly he must look.

Jim was still on the other side of the wagon, aware of the children but his mind too caught up in his own misery to give them any notice. He snatched a clean shirt, his thoughts still on Blair and Grace. His daughter was getting stronger, and he had to recognize it was the young man's doing. Without him it was a given Grace would be dead. Just the thought made him shudder.

And it was nice to have someone share the wagon, even if they didn't talk much or saw much of each other, for which he took full responsibility. It wouldn't do to get too attached to Blair. Grace wouldn't need his care for much longer. As soon as Blair had his health back, chances were he'd want to leave the train. Maybe he could at least begin to treat the young man better. He recognized most of his anger had been due to Carolyn's death.

'And the hunger you've been feeling for him? Any excuses for that?' his mind taunted him, and he nearly cut himself shaving. Ignoring his mind with practice ease, he finished shaving and combed his short hair. His senses suddenly aware the girls were gone and Blair was alone once more.

Maybe it was time to begin his peace campaign. He stopped short though, as he heard the sound of steps moving closer to his wagon.

"Good morning," a soft male voice greeted, a slight English accent coloring the tone.

"Good morning," he heard Blair's shy reply.

Jim's frown deepened as he realized Blair's heart was going a mile a minute. He didn't even question why it came so naturally for him to tune into the young man's heart. He just did it. He'd noticed that Blair's heart always accelerated whenever he was close to a man, especially one he'd never met before or when he was addressed to by one. Together with his reaction when he thought Jim was going to hit him for talking back, it was quite an eye opener.

Blair looked at the man standing in front of him with trepidation. He really didn't want to talk to anyone, let alone someone that might want to probe him for answers or let him know he wasn't welcomed on the wagon train. If people would only leave him alone!

Not wanting anyone to know how he really felt inside, he looked the man in the eye, facing him and what was to come. The stranger was young, maybe about Ellison's age, with disheveled dark, brown hair and melancholic green eyes. He was also slender and pale looking, almost frail. He was wearing a brown suit with a gold watch chain dangled from one of the vest's slit pocket.

As if disappointed Blair hadn't said more, the stranger bowed his head slightly, "Allow me to introduce myself, Blair. My name's Joseph Burton."

Blair cocked his head to the side, his body relaxing and heart slowing down at the stranger's non-threatening manner. "You know my name," he remarked.

Burton nodded with a smile, "Yes. Unfortunately, I caught your name from the gossip sweeping through the train. I though I'd present myself and offer the chance for us to become friends. I'm new to this train myself and feel the occasional need for company. There's nothing like talking the hours away, is there?"

The young man blinked surprised. "You want my company?"

Burton laughed softly at Blair's stunned expression. "And why not? I was never one to listen to what other people say. I prefer to gather my own conclusions. And at the moment, I'm inclined to say the gossip about you is wrong. Not everyone would do what you're doing for Mr. Ellison's daughter."

Blair felt his cheeks reddening. He wasn't used to being praised, and it felt good. "I didn't do all that much," he shrugged suddenly self-conscious. "I just gave her some milk."

"Oh, I wouldn't know about that! I heard she would've died if not for you, Blair."

"I thought you said you didn't listen to what people say," Blair replied innocently, and Burton howled with laughter. It turned rapidly into a coughing fit, and he took a deep breath to control it.

"Sorry. I've been a little under the weather. It's this bloody rain that keeps falling. Richard did warn me about the climate here, but I didn't listen. I wish to God I had!"

"Richard?" Blair asked, curious despite himself.

"My brother, Richard Burton. He's the bold one from the pair of us. As we speak, he's somewhere in India looking for Sentinels."

"Sentinels?"

Burton looked exhausted all of a sudden. "I'll tell you about it on a later occasion, if you don't mind. I seem to be feeling a tad worse."

"Yes, of course."

"Bye, Blair."

"Bye, Mr. Burton."

The man shook his head with a smile. "Joseph."

"Joseph," Blair echoed, feeling his cheeks warming up again as the man's gaze fell upon him. He'd seen that look before, on Carl Chapel. But somehow it wasn't the same. Not the same at all.

"I'll be going now. If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask," Joseph smiled kindly. "Oh, good morning, Mr. Ellison!"

Blair turned to see Jim standing behind him, a hard look on his face. He didn't look pleased at all, as he mumbled, "Morning, Mr. Burton."

"Well, I'm sure you have much to do before we move out, so I'll leave you to it. I hope we see each other soon, Blair. It was very nice meeting you. Mr. Ellison..." He bowed his head again and slowly strolled away.

When the young man gazed back at Ellison, the man was still standing in the same place, his whole body rigid, fists clenching, face set in stone. He threw a murderous glare at Blair, who for a moment felt the impulse to run for cover. But he'd swore to himself that he'd never cower from any man as long as he breathed, so he stood his ground.

He faced the other man, eyes shinning in defiance, daring him to strike. Inside, he was trying to run through his confused mind what could've caused Ellison to become so enraged.

"You little shit!" Jim spat, face twisted in an angry mask. "I don't care where you came from, or who you are. But as long as you are under my roof, I expect you to behave with some decency!"

Blair frowned in confusion. Had he been rude to Mr. Burton somehow, maybe said something wrong? But Joseph hadn't seem offended, so why... his eyes widened as his confusion turned to understanding, then anger, as he noticed the almost lecherous look Ellison was throwing his way.

"You bastard! It wasn't like that!"

He took a step closer to the other man and in a sudden move punched him so hard Jim fell to the ground. Blair never looked back as he stepped away and left. If he stayed things would only get worse between them, if such a thing was even possible.

When he finally stopped walking, Blair found himself by the stream. 'Damn the man!' Accusing him of... of... he couldn't even think about it. He wouldn't do that. Never! If he'd acted more relaxed with Joseph, it was because Burton had been the very first person in the camp besides Megan and her friends to treat him with so much gentleness.

And now Ellison had turned such a wonderful feeling into something dirty, despicable./ 'Damn the man!'/

*#*#*

Jim rubbed his bruised jaw with a curse. The boy sure knew how to throw a punch, that was for sure. Sighing, he rose from the cold ground, trying to listen to where the young man might have gone. He felt calmer now and knew he'd probably jumped to all the wrong conclusions. But when he'd seen Blair dressed in those tight clothes, a yellow flower framing the beautiful face and smiling at Burton as he'd never smiled at him...

'Yes, but you never spoke to him with the kindness and consideration Burton did. You never gave him any cause to smile at all, Ellison,' his mind chipped in again.

"Damn the man..." he whispered. "Damn him to hell..."

He heard a noise from behind him and turned to see Rafe standing there watching him. He'd been so caught up in his emotions, he'd never even heard the young man approach.

"Rafe? What...?"

"I came by to hook up the horses. We're moving out in half an hour," he interjected softly. "You know, I really like you, Jim. And I'd like to think that after months in this wagon train working side by side that you consider me a friend. So, as a friend I'm going to tell you something. Blair came as a gift from the Heavens after Carolyn died. Grace would've been dead in days if not for him. Don't you think it's about time you showed him some gratitude?"

"Gratitude?! I gave him a place to stay..." Jim sputtered, flushing red at the remark.

"He could've stayed with us at Megan's wagon, and you know it. You're acting like he owes you something when in fact it's the other way around. The way you reacted just now... he wasn't doing anything wrong. And even if he was interested in what you were implying, he's old enough to know what he's doing."

Jim started and looked at the other man. "Wouldn't it bother you..."

Rafe smiled, "What? That a man might like Blair? That way? Not really. I was taught it's the person inside that counts. Not what that person looks like or what sexual tastes that person might have. Everyone's saying he's probably a criminal, a drunkard, something like that. But have you watched him, Jim? Really watched him? He doesn't behave like the trash he's being compared to. He's shy, nervous, and almost childlike sometimes. And other times, he seems to have the weight of the world on his shoulders. Just like you. The two of you are more alike than you seem to realize."

Left alone, Jim thought about everything Brian had just said. He knew that most of what Megan and Rafe had been trying to tell him about Blair was true, but he hated to admit it. In spite of thinking himself a good man, honest and kind to others, the moment he'd set eyes on Blair he immediately made up his mind about him based on the dirt and the rags and dismissed him as someone not worthy of his attention.

And it hurt to be shown how wrong he was. Because in merely a few days Blair proved he was nothing like the filthy person Jim'd thought him to be. In fact, he seemed to be someone life had dealt one too many blows. Like himself.

He knew that Blair loved his daughter. He'd seen it over and over again in the way the young man gazed at his child. He also knew Blair was expecting to be thrown away as soon as Grace was healthy enough to be fed by someone else. And he acknowledged to himself that was what he'd planned on doing.

His almost desperate hate for the young man had another explanation. That damn need that'd never left him after Brackett had died leaving him alone was part of the problem. Because as he saw Blair, he felt that need as strongly as ever; the desire for another male; the ache to touch a strong, muscled body, not a curvy one. And he'd wanted to hate Blair for something that was really his own fault.

And God, Grace, his little princess, would've joined her mother if not for the young man.

Taking a deep breath, he made his decision. Swallowing hard and trying to control his suddenly rapid heartbeat, he began walking towards the stream where he knew Blair would be found. Time to set a few things straight.

*#*#*

Chapter III - Stand-off

Blair thought that place had to be paradise on Earth. He'd nearly missed it, having been so angry at Ellison before, but now... He was surrounded by huge, leafy trees. The stream looked peaceful and inviting, with its clear, limpid water. The grass under his boots was lush and green, and there were buttercups and other wild flowers growing everywhere. For a moment he wished he could stay there forever, away from everything, the world, people... Jim Ellison.

How could the other man think Blair was throwing himself at Burton, flirting with him? How could he even accuse him of something like that? When in reality he was just answering to a kindness he wasn't use to receiving.

Blair heard steps behind him but didn't turn around. He knew who it was without a doubt. Let the man do whatever he wanted. He was just too damn tired to care anymore.

Jim moved closer to the young man, aware that Blair knew he was there. The rigid back was proof enough. Before he could help himself his eyes lowered, focusing on the perfect, twin mounds of flesh covered by black pants. With those clothes, it was impossible not to notice the perky ass and the seductive body Blair possessed.

"What do you want?" Blair finally asked, and Jim turned his attention back to the young man's face.

His breath caught in his throat. Blair looked... beautiful, there was no other word for it. He was flushed with anger, eyes shinning brightly, curls tousled and wild, and the yellow flower still tucked behind his ear.

"I..." words failed Jim for a second. "I want to talk to you."

Blair shrugged, "So talk."

"Thank you," Jim blurted out, and watched with some satisfaction as an absolutely perplexed expression appeared on Blair's face.

"What?!"

"Thank you," he repeated.

Blair stared at him for the longest time. His head tilted slightly, an unreadable light in his eyes.

"What for Mr. Ellison?" the young man finally asked. "I don't get it. One minute you're accusing me of being some kind of whore, and the next minute you're thanking me?"

Jim brushed a hand over his face wearily, a frustrated sigh escaping his lips. "I was out of line. Who you talk to is your business, not mine. I've been a little... preoccupied lately and I guess I took it out on you. I'm sorry," Jim swallowed hard. He hadn't expected it to be that difficult.

"And the thank you?" Blair queried softly.

"Nothing more than you deserve. You saved my daughter's life."

Blair's heart missed a beat at the painful admission and took a deep breath. He turned his gaze back towards the silent stream.

"It's okay, Mr. Ellison. You can say we're even."

"Why?" Jim asked genuinely puzzled.

"I told you before. I wanted to die," Blair nearly whispered. "But I don't want to die anymore, not really. And it's all thanks to Grace. I want to be around her for as long as possible."

Jim nodded and began to move back in the camp's direction.

"Uh... Mr. Ellison?"

"Yes?" he looked over his shoulder at the young man.

"I'm sorry I'm making you sleep beneath the wagon. I'm sure it's not very comfortable. You don't have to sleep there, you know? There's plenty of room inside for the three of us."

The idea of spending his nights so close to the very thing he was trying to escape from was almost more than he could bear thinking about. Jim suddenly realized he was sweating despite it being early morning.

"Thank you, but I like the way things are now. It's... uh, too hot inside."

"Right..." Blair gave him a sad smile. It was autumn and the weather'd been terrible for most of the week. He could tell it was just an excuse. Ellison still didn't want to stay anywhere near him. Nothing had changed after all. "Just thought I'd ask, that's all."

Ellison nodded. "Don't stay here too long. We're moving soon."

"I won't."

Without another glance at Blair, Jim strolled away in the train's direction. Taking deep breaths to calm himself, he tried to ignore the sudden tightening in his pants at the thought of sleeping inches away from the young man. Some temptations were best kept away. Far away.

*#*#*

When Blair finally returned to the wagon, he was surprised to see Jim hooking up the horses instead of Rafe.

"Where's Brian?" he asked.

"I told him I'd drive the wagon today. It's not my turn to hunt, and no one needs my help with the horses."

"Oh."

Trying his best to ignore the bigger man, Blair began to make them both something to eat. Coffee wouldn't hold them until the lunch break.

"What are you doing? We're about to move out."

"I know. But it won't take long. It's just bacon and eggs. It will keep us until the noon break."

Jim looked surprised that Blair would be willing to cook for him after their fight earlier, but didn't complain. It felt good to have someone to share breakfast with, and maybe it would help them both relax.

They ate the simple, but delicious breakfast and Blair still had time to change Grace's diaper before the train finally pulled out. While the wagons slowly made their way through the rough terrain, Blair sung the infant to sleep, happy the child seemed to be used to eating within the train's breaks. It would be awkward, to say the least, to have to stop the whole train of wagons just so he could warm some milk for Grace.

Blair spent some time cleaning the inside of the wagon, but pretty soon he was bored to death. His wound was nearly healed and he felt strong again. Having been cooped up for so long, except for the occasional walk, Blair was beginning to feel antsy. He watched Jim drive the wagon, murmuring to the horses to keep them in line with the other teams.

The young man ducked his head through the front opening of the canvas and tapped Ellison lightly on the shoulder. The man just about jumped out of his skin, then his head snapped around to glare at him.

"What?"

"Can I ride outside with you for awhile? I'd like to get some fresh air."

"You have to take care of Grace," came the snarled reply.

Blair sighed tiredly. "She's asleep. Please?"

Something in the pleading voice must've gotten to the man, because he scooted over on the seat and made room for the young man.

It took Blair some time to settle down, the swaying of the wagon making it hard to keep his balance. But when he finally did it, he swallowed loudly. He hadn't realized how high the seat was. The ground seemed a long way down. Taking a deep breath, he ignored his fear of heights and sat quietly so he wouldn't disturb the other man. The last thing he wanted was to be sent back inside, especially on the first sunny day in over a week.

After a few minutes of awkward silence though, he was ready to explode. The landscape, beautiful as it was with its heavy wooded hills and shinning green grass and wildflower-covered ground, soon became all the same to look at.

"How far does the train travel a day?"

Jim glared at him again but answered nevertheless, "We were supposed to travel about fifteen miles a day, but with the weather we've been having and the muddy trails... Let's just say we're behind schedule a few days."

Blair nodded, shifting slightly. At that moment, the left front wheel of the wagon bumped into a large rock with a sudden jolt. Caught off guard, Blair lost his balance and was thrown against Ellison. He suddenly found himself lying across the other man's lap, one hand in Jim's crotch, his cheek resting on the older man's thigh.

Taking a shuddering breath and feeling his face flaming red, Blair straightened himself, trying to avoid touching the other man in any more intimate places.

"Uh... I'm sorry," he stammered. "I've never been on a wagon before."

The eyes that gazed at him looked slightly dazed and unfocused. When he finally spoke, Ellison's voice sounded husky and hoarse at the same time. "Just be more careful the next time."

Blair looked puzzled at the older man. Had he hurt Ellison when he fell on him? Maybe when he touched his... Blair found himself flushing again. He remembered Carl trying to get him to touch him * there * and the disgust he'd felt, but somehow this time... Blair shuddered. He shouldn't think those things. They were wrong. The young man didn't want Ellison to think he wanted what Carl obviously thought he wanted. But Ellison wouldn't do that. He was different. Wasn't he?

Jim sighed as the young man finally settled down in his seat./ 'Damn the kid to hell!'/ Having Blair fall all over him and on top of everything land with his hand on Jim's groin had made all of his blood rush south to his cock. Even now the tightening in his pants was almost too painful to bear.

Jim nearly growled at his lack of self-control. After Lee's death he'd promised himself never to love another man, and he was going to keep that promise if it killed him.

Keeping a tight handle on the reins, the older man resigned himself to the fact that he was going to have to put up with the young man by his side for most of the day. It was going to be a very long day.

*#*#*

Throughout most of the morning several riders passed by the wagon. Despite his bad mood, Ellison took the time to introduce each one to Blair.

Although a little fearful since they were all big men, Blair greeted everyone as best as he could, trying to remembered their names for future use. The only one he really didn't like was one of the scouts, a man going by the name of David Lash. Lash reminded him of Carl. He had the same cold eyes and wild expression. Blair decided to stay as far away from the man as possible.

Lash seemed to be doing an excellent job in leading the train. Somehow he managed to settle them near running water every night.

Blair was a little surprised at how nice everyone was to him. After the reception he'd gotten from Cassie Wells and even Ellison, he was expecting some more rough treatment from the rest of the train folk. But apparently most people trusted Megan's judgment. The fact he was being so unselfish in taking care of a baby seemed to be helping everyone make up their mind about the young man.

Around mid-morning Simon rode up to the wagon. "Hey, Blair! About time you left the inside of that wagon!"

Blair smiled happily. "Yeah... Well, it's been raining most of the time, so there was no point in getting soaking wet before. But with this sun, I couldn't pass it up!"

Simon chuckled at the young man's exuberance. It was good to see the kid smiling like that. "Jim, how's everything?"

"Fine," came the moody reply.

'God, help us!' Simon thought. 'The man is in a bad mood again!'

"I came by to invite you both for dinner with us. Henri caught a few fish this morning, and Megan is going to make a special dish that according to her is just this side of Heaven. What do you say?"

"Fine," Jim muttered again, and Simon rolled his eyes.

"What about you, Blair?"

"Sure, I'll be happy to taste Megan's dish," Blair grinned. It would be nice to be around other people, instead of the ever-glaring Ellison. The man must've been born that way.

*#*#*

They stopped at noon, and Blair took the time to once more give little Grace some warm milk. The day before Megan had tried to nurse the child still without any success. It became evident she wouldn't let anyone feed her but the young man.

During the afternoon Blair decided to stay inside the wagon, singing the infant to sleep and dozing off himself. When he finally woke up, Ellison was bringing the wagon to a halt in the circle with the others.

Blair washed up quickly and took care of Grace while Ellison groomed the horses. When the older man finally came back, he went to wash in the relative privacy of the other side of the wagon.

The young man suddenly saw Megan wave from across the camp and knew what it meant. Dinner was ready, and they were waiting for him and Ellison. Determined not to let his new friends wait too long, Blair hurried to get the other man. He rounded the wagon to where Ellison was and stopped frozen in his tracks.

Jim was shirtless, wearing only tight fitting black pants and knee high leather boots. His chest was smooth and hairless, his stomach flat and taut. Blair couldn't help looking at him and for a second wished he could touch the powerful torso. He blinked surprised at his own thought. When he raised his head, his eyes locked with Ellison's clear blue ones. For an endless moment they stared at each other, then the young man looked away.

"Megan's calling. Dinner must be done. They're waiting for us."

"I'll be right there," Jim replied in that husky, hoarse voice the young man had heard earlier.

Blair nodded and almost ran away from the other man and his confused feelings.

Jim donned a clean shirt thinking about what'd just happened. He'd been washing when he had that uncomfortable feeling you get when you're being watched. When he turned, he'd seen Blair looking at him -- at his chest -- and that look had been hot enough to melt ice. Could he be imagining things?

As they were finally making their way to Megan's wagon, Blair with Grace in his arms, Jim carrying the child's crib, they crossed paths with Cassie Wells who frowned at Blair, her expression one of disgust.

"That boy shouldn't be allowed to walk among us like that, Jim. Why don't you keep him inside your wagon?"

It crossed Jim's mind to do just that... To order Blair back to his wagon so he wouldn't have to spend the evening so close to Blair and the temptation he represented. But as he gazed at Blair, he saw the slumped shoulders and lowered head, and knew the young man was expecting to be sent back.

When Blair raised his head, his eyes had such a pleading look Jim couldn't bring himself to hurt the young man like that. Without paying any more attention to Cassie, he turned to Blair.

"Come on, Blair, we're late for dinner."

"What?!" Cassie sputtered. "Fine! But I won't stand anywhere near that trash!" She stomped away in a furious ruffle of clothes.

Blair's deep blue eyes were shinning with unshed tears as he gazed up at the other man. "Thank you," he whispered.

"What for?"

"For what you just did. I can't begin to tell you what it meant to me. I won't forget it, Mr. Ellison. I know you don't like me much and don't really want me around, but I promise I won't give you any trouble. I'll take care of Grace as if she was my own."

Jim was almost too stunned to speak. "Has everyone showed you so little kindness that you react like this when someone does?"

Blair looked away, a grimace on his face. "Until Megan took me in, I don't think I remembered what kindness was."

The older man was about to say something more when Henri approached them. "Well? You've been standing there forever! Dinner's waiting!"

"Let's go then." Blair forced a smile and strolled to Megan's wagon. He was relieved for the interruption. Some things were just too painful to think about, let alone talk about. Better to keep them at bay.

*#*#*

Blair enjoyed dinner immensely, never having been around anything similar to the family feeling Megan's noisy crowd could dish out. Grace cried a few times, but every time Blair would just pick her up and the child would fall silent almost immediately.

Once again more people came to greet him, this time women as well. Some were openly curious. Others were more guarded. But all of them were very friendly.

In spite of being so young, Megan was obviously one of the train's leaders. Everyone seemed to be paying her their respects, asked for her opinion on different topics, and followed her suggestions without question.

The whole camp was dark and quiet when Ellison and Blair made their way back to the older man's wagon. As it was becoming usual, Blair gave Grace the last milk of the day while Ellison shook his bedroll and set it beneath the wagon.

After putting the baby to sleep and about to climb inside for the night, Blair was stopped cold by Ellison's voice.

"Blair?"

"Yes, Mr. Ellison?"

"I was thinking about teaching you to drive the wagon."

"Drive the wagon?" Blair echoed, feeling beyond surprised.

"Yes. Rafe's been driving it as a favor. But he has other duties, and I still need to help out the train with the horses so I can't do it all the time. Grace spends most of the time sleeping, so you'd be able to both drive and still take care of her. What do you say?"

Blair felt like jumping from joy. Not only was Ellison letting him know he trusted Blair, but that also meant he'd be able to stay with Grace at least until reaching Cascade. He couldn't help the huge smile lighting up his face.

"I'd like that," he replied, trying not to sound too eager.

Ellison nodded. "We'll start soon, then. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Mr. Ellison."

Blair lay down on the pallet, hearing Jim banking down the fire and moving under the wagon to sleep. No matter how bad the relationship between them at the beginning, the young man always felt safe knowing Jim was there, when he could feel his presence. It was strange. He'd been or felt alone most of his life. But suddenly he seemed to be taking to a total stranger, trusting him on instinct. Not something Blair expected to be doing.

After taking one last look at Grace to make sure she was sleeping soundly, Blair snuggled down beneath the covers and closed his eyes with a soft sigh. For the first time since he could remember, Blair went to sleep thinking the future was starting to look good. Very good.

*#*#*

The next few days alternated between rainy and sunny, making the journey hard on horses and wagons alike. Jim began to teach Blair how to drive his wagon, explaining to him how to handle the animals and what to expect from the rough terrain they were crossing. Although he hadn't actually driven yet, Blair was a fast learner and soon would be able to do it without a problem.

Things between the two men hadn't changed much. Ellison's manners still bordered on rude, but they seemed to have settled for some kind of unspoken truce. Even when Jim decided to drill the young man about something Blair was suppose to have done, the young man could tell he wasn't being as forceful, that his heart wasn't really in it anymore.

That day was sunny and warm, and they were making good time for a change. Jim was driving with Blair sitting by his side enjoying the wonderful weather and the chance to breathe some fresh air.

Joseph Burton rode up to them, his mount a beautiful black stallion with a single white spot on the forehead. Even Jim couldn't deny it was truly a magnificent animal. "Good morning, Blair. Mr. Ellison..."

"Burton," came Ellison's growl and Blair rolled his eyes at the man's annoying temperament.

"Hi, Mr.... uh, Joseph," the young man greeted politely, but with as much distance he could master without being rude. The last thing he needed was for Ellison to accuse him of flirting with the man again... or worse. "How's your cold?"

A coughing fit was his initial answer. "As you can see," Joseph began when he was able to breathe again. "Still giving me trouble. Can't seem to shake it off. I heard from one of the scouts, that Lash fellow, that we should be crossing a river soon. Think we're going to have any problems, Mr. Ellison?"

Jim shrugged somewhat rudely. "Perhaps. Depends on how high the river level might be. The last rains haven't been helping. And the weather is changing again. Today might still rain."

Blair looked up at the clear blue sky. "You're kidding, right? It's such a nice day, not a cloud in sight!"

But Ellison shook his head. "Can't explain it, but I know it's true. The air smells different when the weather changes."

"Wow! You can sense that? No wonder you're such a great scout!" Blair couldn't keep a small prideful tone out of his voice.

"That is amazing," Joseph agreed. "Blair, I came to invite you for dinner some time. Maybe we can have that talk I owe you. You know... about my brother's research?"

Blair nodded, remembering his curiosity to know more about those Sentinels Joseph had mentioned. It sounded intriguing. "I would love to hear more about your brother's research! The next few days might be a little hectic, with having to cross the river and all, but maybe we can do it after the crossing."

Joseph smiled. "Excellent! We'll talk later to set everything up. See you both later."

"Bye, Joseph!" Blair smiled back while Ellison merely grunted in return.

"You can't go," the older man finally stated when Burton was out of hearing range.

Blair looked stunned at Ellison. "What?! Why not?!"

"Because you have to take care of Grace," was the terse reply.

"I can feed her and then go! Or I can take her with me!"

"What?! I won't let you take my daughter with you while you're doing God knows what with that man!"

Blair felt his heart breaking into little, tiny pieces. It seemed the truce was officially over and they were back at the beginning.

"Jim, please..." he whispered softly, trying to get to the other man. Ellison was unable to ignore the voice that seemed to be calling to him on some instinctive level. "I don't want anything to do with him, not the way you're implying anyway. I just want to move a little, talk to some different people, that's all. Please? If you don't want me to take Grace and can't take care of her yourself for a couple of hours, I'll ask Megan. Please?"

Jim sighed wearily. "How about we talk about it when it's time?"

"Alright," was the young man's subdued reply.

Ellison didn't want to make things worse between them, but he couldn't stand the thought of Blair spending a minute, let alone hours, with Joseph. He knew he'd been rude to Burton, and he really didn't have anything against the man. But he just didn't like the way Burton looked at Blair. And since Blair was under his protection in some way, he had to watch over the young man. Right?

'Right!' his mind chortled. 'Keep telling yourself that. You might actually end up believing it!'

Burton was everything Jim himself wasn't. Polite, wealthy, and always knowing the right thing to say. Jim found it hard to open up and talk about his feelings and emotions. Maybe with the exception of his late wife and Lee, no one had even taken the time to get to really know him or try to get close enough. He was still a young boy when he realized it didn't matter. The more barriers he built around himself, the less hurt he would feel. So the barriers were many and high. But somehow, maybe because Carolyn's death had crumpled a few of them, Blair was beginning to break through. And God help them both if and when he did.

Blair shook his head sadly as he watched Joseph have another coughing fit as he rode side by side with another wagon ahead of them. "I do wish he'd lose that cold though. It must hurt like hell to cough that much all day!"

Somehow managing a softer tone, Jim remarked, "He doesn't have a cold, Blair. That's the excuse he gives everyone to keep from having to tell the truth. But I was a medic in the army, and I can tell. He has tuberculosis."

Blair felt his heart constrict at those words, "Oh, my God! He's so young."

"That's why I don't want you near him, Blair. I can't risk exposing Grace to that," Jim said. It wasn't a total lie, he really was afraid for his daughter. It just wasn't the whole truth... Or the only reason why he wanted Blair away from Burton.

"I'll be careful, I promise," Blair whispered softly.

Now he understood the melancholy and sadness he'd seen in Joseph eyes. Tuberculosis was a dangerous disease, deadly most of the time, and to have it so young... It must be a terrible cross to carry. He felt truly sorry for the handsome man. Life wasn't really fair at all.

*#*#*

As Jim predicted, the weather began to change as the day progressed. When they finally reached the river Lash'd warned the train, it was raining heavily and the wagons were forced to setup camp. They wouldn't be able to cross until the weather cleared, and the river's level lowered enough. It would be too dangerous otherwise, and they weren't willing to risk life and possessions on a dare. It was safer to wait.

Like so many rainy days before, there were no fires that night. No coffee or warm food for most families. Some were lucky enough to find a few dry wooden sticks and make small fires beneath the wagons, but they never lasted long. Ellison's fire lasted enough to warm some milk for the child before the sodden earth won the fight against the weak flames.

Blair sighed unhappily, "I really hate this weather, I'm always cold. Thank God we managed to feed Grace though!"

"Yeah," Jim answered, not really listening. He was thinking on how he was going to be able to sleep underneath the wagon that night. Even with a tarpaulin it would be a nightmare.

And then there was the hunting problem. The bad weather had chased the game away, and the scouts had been forced to leave the train virtually defenseless to search for any edible animals they could find. Or if they were lucky, a town near the camp where they could buy some food.

There was nothing more they could do for the moment. It was a standoff between man and Mother Nature. And God willing, man's stubbornness would allow him to be the victor.

*#*#*

Chapter IV - Nightmares and Revelations

He didn't know exactly what woke him. It wasn't the thunder or the lightening. It wasn't even the rain hitting the canvas covering the wagon or the terrible cold the weather and night had brought with them.

Blair checked on Grace. Amazingly the child was still sleeping in the crib close to the bedrolls where the young man was lying. He was surprised she could sleep throughout all that noise when sometimes just someone's presence nearby was enough to bring her awake in a matter of seconds.

Then he heard it, the small human whimpers between the clash of thunder. It sounded like... 'Ellison! That stubborn son of a...!' Jim'd refused Blair's offer to sleep inside the wagon with the young man. He was out there in that weather.

"Worse than a mull!" the young man muttered.

He rose from under the covers and crawled towards the end of the wagon. Ignoring the merciless rain, Blair knelt on the soaking ground and looked for the other man.

Ellison was curled into a fetal position under the sodden covers, shaking hard. His hands were pressed tightly to his ears, eyes screwed shut, pitiful moans leaving parted lips. Blair frowned. There was something obviously wrong with the man.

"Mr. Ellison? Jim?" he whispered as loudly as he dared.

Ellison moaned, his voice reaching Blair's ears above the racket Mother Nature was making as she threw her rage down on Earth. "Make it stop... please, make it stop..."

Touching the other man's hand, Blair pulled gently, relieved when Ellison crawled up to meet him.

"Come on, Jim. That's it," he encouraged. It was difficult, but he managed to pull the bigger man into the safety of the wagon. Both of them knelt, panting from the effort until Blair realized Jim wasn't going to get out of his more than sodden clothes without some help.

"Let's get you out of these clothes before you catch your death of pneumonia." The young man kept the same soothing tone, noticing it seemed to be having a calming effect on the other man. He was no longer screwing his eyes shut or covering his ears, and his body wasn't as rigid anymore either.

Still kneeling in front of Ellison, Blair slid his hands to Jim's chest, unbuttoning his shirt with cold nimble fingers. He pulled the shirt open and yanked the fabric back from the strong shoulders, letting it pool to the floor. Taking a deep breath to swallow his nervousness, he then lowered his hands to the pants, working the belt buckle. He opened the button, lowered the zipper, and pulled the pants down over Jim's hips.

Ellison was still too much in shock to be able to do anything, even if it was as simple as just moving. In spite of knowing a storm was close, the thunder and lightning had caught him in his sleep, off-guard, and it had hurt his senses badly. If it hadn't been for Blair...

The young man helped Jim sit, and then got rid of the heavy boots he was wearing followed by the rest of Jim's clothes. Trying his best not to look at the now nude body in so close quarters, Blair handed a blanket to the slightly more lucid Ellison.

"Damn, you're still shivering! You stayed out there too long."

Taking matters into his own hands, the young man reached for a towel and proceeded to dry Jim's body. He ran the cloth over Jim's shoulders, chest and stomach, trying to ignore how it felt to touch even with the towel between them. Finally he draped the towel over Ellison's hair and rubbed it for a few minutes.

"Better?" Blair asked when he was done. He was satisfied Ellison wasn't shuddering anymore.

Jim was having some trouble forming a coherent enough thought to reply to that question. The feeling of Blair's hands earlier on his torso, even through the towel... his nipples were hard pebbles on his chest, and his heart was pounding. Despite the cold, a fine sheen of sweat covered his whole body.

He watched the beautiful face so close to his own, desperate to touch it, to kiss those pouty lips, to... "You're wet, too," was what actually came out through his lips.

Surprised, Blair stared at himself. He'd been so worried about Ellison he hadn't even noticed his clothes were also sodden. Grabbing another towel, he rapidly undressed his nightgown, dried himself and wrapped a warm, dry blanket around his body with a happy sigh.

They sat in silence for a while, both feeling comfortable again, until finally Blair couldn't hold it anymore. "What happened with you just now? You looked like you were in pain."

Jim shook his head. No way was he going to tell the truth and have someone else think him a freak. "A mixture between a nightmare and this damn storm, I guess. Thanks for helping me out."

Blair wasn't sure he believed the older man, but decided not to press, at least yet. He simply smiled, "No problem."

He suddenly realized that there was no chance Ellison was going back outside. They would have to share the wagon. He swallowed loudly, nervous again in spite of trusting Jim.

They hadn't bothered donning dry clothes for the night. Blair didn't have a spare nightgown and had to save what few clothes he now owned. Ellison still felt too shell-shocked to try and dress in the confined space of the wagon -- or so he kept telling himself.

Blair quickly mopped the wet floor with the towels, throwing them and their clothes outside to create more space for them. Then he grabbed a few more blankets, preparing them close to the ones where he'd been sleeping earlier.

"There! Now you can sleep nice and warm, Mr. Ellison."

"Jim."

"What?"

"Jim. Call me Jim."

Blair couldn't help flushing happily. Perhaps he was making progress with the other man after all. Slow... but progress nevertheless.

They settled down to sleep. But Blair couldn't help tensing when he felt Ellison's body behind him, lying so close he could sense the man's warmth. Would Jim be another Carl? But Jim was a good man. Not a bastard like Carl.

Nevertheless, he stayed tense and alert until the other man's breathing became regular, a sign he'd fallen asleep. Then, and only then, did Blair allow his body to relax and follow Ellison into Morpheus' arms.

*#*#*

Jim was brought back to consciousness as the storm finally moved away. He hadn't been sleeping all that peacefully, the thunder too loud to allow it. But the sudden lack of noise registered, and he blinked his eyes open.

It was still dark outside, and Jim's biological clock told him dawn was hours away. He sighed contently, feeling dry and warm even though he'd pushed the blankets away some time during the night. In fact he was resting on top of something very... He nearly jumped out of his skin when he realized the soft 'something' he was lying on was Blair, only a blanket separating their nudity.

He was about to roll over when he noticed there was something wrong. Blair seemed to be caught in a nightmare. His heart was hammering, and he was making little mewling noises that were increasing in volume as he struggled against something only he could see.

"Ummm... No, Carl, please... Don't... No, no..." he moaned, his hands pushing weakly at Jim's chest.

Deciding he'd better wake the young man up, Jim called softly, "Blair? Blair, wake up."

But Blair was too caught up in his dream and didn't react to Jim's voice. Going for drastic measures, Ellison grabbed both of the young man's arms and shook him slightly, his voice raising as well. "Blair! Wake up!"

Wide panic-filled blue eyes opened and gazed up at him unseeing. "No... please..."

"Blair, it's me, Jim. Wake up!"

However, he was still on top of the young man. Blair was still caught in the residual effects of the nightmare, so he began struggling in earnest against the bigger man.

"No! I don't want to do this! Let me go! I don't want you!"

Realizing he was still covering Blair's body and holding his arms prisoner, Jim suddenly understood what the young man thought was happening and what he'd been dreaming about. Releasing Blair, he ran his fingers soothingly through the young man's silky curls. "Shhh, shhhh!... You can wake up now. Nobody's going to hurt you. It's just me, Jim. You're safe here."

Little by little, his voice began to calm the young man who finally stopped struggling. He just lay there, panting weakly for a few minutes, until he managed to gather enough strength to speak. "I'm sorry."

"No need to apologize," Jim assured softly. "Blair, were you... raped? The nightmare, and your reaction... I..."

Blair took a shuddering breath before replying. "No, I wasn't raped. But it came close."

"What happened?"

"It's a long story, Jim."

"We have time. Why don't you tell me about it? Maybe it will help," Jim suggested. He didn't believe he was offering to listen, but he was unable to ignore the pain in the young man's voice.

Blair seemed surprised by his offer. He wasn't expecting it, not from Ellison anyway. But maybe the man was right, maybe it would help.

"My mother got pregnant when she was really young. She never talked about it much, but I got the feeling she fell in love with the wrong man and he left when he found out I was on the way. My grandfather was a tough man. He wasn't too happy about having an unwed daughter and a grandson to take care off. So when I was just a little boy he had her wed this man no one really knew about. We later found out he was wanted in several states for robbery and murder, but it was too late. My stepfather, Warren, and my stepbrother Carl, were always lousy to us. They both had terrible tempers and to make it worse, were always drunk. They enjoyed inflicting pain, especially if the person they were inflicting on couldn't fight back. I was one of their favorite punching bags."

"Didn't you and your mother ever try to escape?"

"Several times. But we'd get caught each time, and the punishment..." He shuddered, and Jim had no trouble understanding more beatings had been their reward for trying to get away. "That day... it was a fucking nightmare all over. We all went into town for the monthly shopping. I guess there was this man there. My mother looked at him and smiled. We never saw it coming."

"What happened?"

"When we got home, they both got drunk as usual. That was when Warren's jealousy over my mother reared its ugly head. He began to slap my mother around, kicking her, punching her. He kept shouting she was a whore, that no woman of his smiled at other men... that kind of thing. I tried to stop him, but Carl grabbed me from behind and held me secure while... while Warren beat my mother to death."

"Jesus..." Jim whispered stunned.

Blair felt the tears streaming down his face, but didn't try to stop them. "I don't even know what they did with her body!" he moaned softly.

"I'm sorry," Jim said softly. And he was truly sorry. For the young man's pain and the added hurt he knew he'd inflicted himself.

"After killing my mother, Warren turned on me. I don't know how he didn't kill me as well. He was unusually savage that time. Anyway, I must've passed out. When I woke up Warren was sleeping on the couch, and Carl was crawling all over me," he sighed, his voice still teary. "I struggled with him but was losing fast until I managed to grab his gun. I think I hit him too hard with it and killed him. I didn't mean to, I just..."

"It's nothing more than he deserved," Jim said fiercely.

"Anyway, Warren woke at that moment and threw his knife at me. If I hadn't moved when I did... He didn't miss often. I ran as fast as I could, grabbed a horse and rode away. I guess somewhere along the way I fell off the horse and just kept going until I fell where Henri and Rafe found me."

"I'm sorry," Jim whispered. Again the young man looked up at him, a confused expression crossing his face.

"Why?"

"Because you were right, I judged the cover and forgot to look inside the book. I'm sure I could've made life a little easier for you since you arrived here."

Blair managed to chuckle at that. "A little. But you know, you're different from most people I've met. I could tell you were trying, which is more than I can say for the rest of the world. You're a good man."

Jim nodded, trying to prevent the flush he knew was spreading across his face. "I'll try harder from now on. I'm not making any promises. I'm too old to change, and I know I don't have an easy temper to deal with. But I'll try."

Blair gazed up at him. "You've been through too much in life as well." It wasn't a question.

"How...?"

"Your eyes. Sometimes they look old way beyond your age. Sad and hurt, too."

Jim acknowledged the truth. "No, life hasn't been that kind to me either," he yawned. "Come on, it's still early. Let's go back to sleep for a few more hours. Chances are it will be raining again in the morning, so we won't be able to do much anyway."

"How will we warm the milk for Grace?"

"I saved some wood from last night. It will be hell to light it even beneath the wagon, but let's hope it will be enough."

Blair nodded through a yawn of his own. He snuggled deeper into the blankets. "Goodnight, Jim."

"Goodnight, Blair."

Tired from the emotional bloodletting and the more than half-sleepless night, it didn't take both men long to fall asleep. Once again Jim nestled closer to the warm body in front of him, sighing happily. His mind was starting to lose the battle with his heart. Blair was definitely in now.

*#*#*

As predicted, the next morning it was raining again, although thankfully there was no thunder or lightning to go with it.

They did manage to warm the child some milk, but decided to save wood, not making any coffee or cooking any food for themselves. Who knew how long the rain would last or how long they'd have to stay camped on the riverbank? The infant's needs came first.

A few hours later, everything was looking better. David Lash and another of the scouts had found a town about a half-day's journey and had brought as much food as they could carry and their money could buy. Canned food of every kind, beans, peaches, pears, smoked sausages. Everything was divided equally among the wagons.

Blair and Jim rationed the food to last for several days. Even cold, it would taste like heaven when it was all they had to eat. 'Better than starving!' Blair thought, and he should know. Before Megan's friends had found him, he'd been close to dying of starvation. Roots weren't exactly stomach filling or nutritious.

The rest of the day was spent inside of the wagon, the rain outside too strong to allow much activity. The two men spent most of the time dozing off, playing with Grace or getting to know each other. Now that the awkwardness was disappearing, they were discovering they had many things in common. They were finally becoming friends.

*#*#*

When the night finally came, the rain was still falling, harder than ever. Jim couldn't go back to sleeping beneath the wagon. He didn't even try as he watched the set expression of determination in Blair's face. So, when it was time to go to bed, they just settled as they had the night before, close together on the floor, covered by the warm blankets. There they stayed until morning, and that was how Cassie Wells found them.

Since he could remember, Jim's senses had always alerted him to the breaking of dawn. If the light didn't register to his eyes, his nose would pick up the smells of cooking, coffee, wood burning. And if that didn't work either, the noise humans were capable of in close proximity to others was the final straw; and Jim would come awake. But that morning all his senses were focused on the warm body next to him and all those things failed to wake him up.

It was only when Cassie gasped in shock at the sight in front of her that he did wake up. The first thing he noticed was that once again he'd gravitated towards the source of warmth close to him and was lying nearly on top of Blair, gently blanketing the young man's body. The second was Cassie Wells' horrified expression.

Jim quickly sat up, waking Blair who blinked sleepily at the other two people in the wagon.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" Jim growled, angry at being caught in such a compromising position by the awful woman. "Do you always enter someone's wagon uninvited?"

Wells huffed affronted, "I called but no one answered! And I can see why! I can't believe you're sharing a bed with that boy! Have you no shame, man?! Your wife just died! And to do... to... with another man!"

She turned to the curious crowd gathering outside the wagon to witness what all the shouting was about. "I saw them lying together! God will punish you both for this! What you're doing is a sin! Forbidden by God's laws!"

Jim crawled out of the wagon somehow thankful that sick scene hadn't happened the day before when they were both naked. He towered over the woman, his face set on stone.

"We didn't do anything, you witch!" he snapped, happy at her startled gasp. "You saw nothing except two people sharing the same bed. What would you have me do? Sleep outside and catch my death of pneumonia? Would that make you happy? It was pouring, remember?! Jesus, you have a sick mind, lady!"

Blair gazed up at the still angry sky, happy it wasn't raining now. He was listening to all the ruckus from the inside of the wagon. No way was he going to go outside and face that crowd. He was only beginning to get accepted by those people. With all the circus Cassie was creating, he was sure he'd be back to being trash and one that seduced poor lonely men who'd just lost their wives. That'd be how everyone would see it. He sighed sadly. There was no escaping his past, no matter how hard he tried.

By the tailgate of the wagon, Cassie was still shouting loud enough for everyone to hear, "What example are these two men setting for our children? That piece of trash should be banned from the train so we can go back to living the way God intends us to. He will bring the Heavens wrath down on us God-fearing Christians! Maybe this rain is just the beginning. Maybe it's a sign!"

"Okay, let's stop this nonsense right now!" Megan stepped in, Simon and Henri right behind her. The three glared at Wells for effect before the young woman continued. "Cut out the religious fanatics, Wells, because no one's really listening. Now, why would we want to ban Blair from the wagon? Because you say so? Don't you have anything better to do than causing problems, Cassie Wells? What has he done to be banned? Nothing that I can see! You should be ashamed of yourself! If it wasn't for him, Grace would be dead!"

"No buts! He's taking care of the child so he's staying in Jim's wagon. It was raining so both slept inside. What's so wrong about that? It's all in your head, woman! Have you no sense of decency?"

"Me?!" Wells sputtered. "I'm not the one..."

"Shut up! I'm sick of you complaining about everything and everyone twenty-four hours a day! Why don't you stop chasing Ellison around -- because we all know that's what you're really after -- and go take care of your husband instead of messing with everyone's life for a change?"

"I... I..."

"Go!"

Cassie threw Megan a glare that would melt ice, but stomped back to her wagon. Jim sighed relieved as the crowd around them began to cheer and whistle, clapping Megan on the back. Cassie wasn't exactly the most loved member on the train. From the look of things, everyone had enjoyed seeing Megan drilling the woman through the ground.

No matter how much Jim wished something had happened between the two of them, in close quarters with that many people it would be hard to keep it a secret. And having everyone believe something that was only wishful thinking on his part would be a pain in the ass.

"'Right everyone," Megan turned to the crowd still gathered there. "Show's over. Get a life, you busybodies," she growled, but there was a huge grin lighting up her face and everyone chuckled as they began to leave.

"Thank you, Megan," Jim smiled at her when they were left alone.

"No problem, Jim. Now, go talk with that young man inside your wagon. He must be terrified by what happened."

Ellison nodded. Waving at the young woman, he went back to his wagon. Blair was sitting on the floor, rocking a now wide-awake Grace in his arms, a miserable expression on his face.

"I'm sorry," he muttered as he felt Jim moving closer to him. "I can move back to Megan's wagon, if it'll make things better. I never meant for any of this to happen, Jim, I swear!"

"I know," was the soft reply. When the young man finally looked up into the older man's face, Jim was smiling gently, his clear eyes shinning brightly. "There's nothing to feel sorry about, Blair. You didn't do anything. Let's just forget this ever happened, okay? Now, I'm sure Grace must be hungry. I'm going to warm the milk before the weather changes again."

"Jim?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

Jim smiled at him, a full, ear-to-ear smile, and Blair felt his heart miss a couple of beats. If only the other man smiled like that more often... It made him look younger, more relaxed and carefree. It was definitely a sight for Blair's sore eyes. And heart.

*#*#*

Blair watched the river flowing, its current still too strong for the train to go across it. At least it hadn't rained all day, and it was mid-afternoon already. If it held up until the next morning, maybe the water level would be low enough for them to get to the other side. The young man hoped so. They were wasting precious time. The closest to winter, the harder and more dangerous the journey would become.

He heard noise behind and turned around with a smile thinking it was Ellison. The smile vanished from his face as he saw who it was. "Lash, what are you doing here?"

David Lash smirked at the young man. "I followed you."

Blair swallowed hard, trying to keep his reaction from showing. He really didn't like the man. "Why?"

"Because," Lash shrugged slightly, taking his hunting knife from its sheath and beginning to advance towards the young man. "Time to die, Pretty."

Blair took a couple steps back until he was pressed against a large tree trunk. Lash's smirk widened. "Why are you doing this?"

"Money. Cassie Wells paid me good money to get rid of you. I do anything for money."

The young man frowned in spite of his more than precarious situation. He seemed to be destined to attract all kinds of crazy, psychopath men onto himself.

"Why would she want to get rid of me? I know she doesn't like me, but..."

"She wants Ellison," Lash interjected, moving closer and enjoying himself as Blair recoiled against the tree. "You're in the way of her plans, I'm afraid."

"She's married!"

The mad man laughed, a cold laughter that sent shivers down Blair's spine. "She is indeed. But I'm going to make sure Mr. Wells has an 'accident' in the near future. Then, with both of you out of the way, Cassie and Ellison can grieve together." He sighed happily. "Ahhh, isn't love wonderful?"

"That's crazy!"

Lash shrugged. "I don't care why she wants you dead, Pretty. I got paid to do a job, and I'm going to do it."

Before he could do anything though, Blair swiftly kneed him in the groin, taking advantage of the other man's surprise to slip from his grasp. Unfortunately, Lash wouldn't give up that easily. He ran after the young man, grabbing his shirt and whirling him around. Blair lost his balance at the unexpected movement and fell to the ground with a surprised yelp, Lash falling heavily right along with him.

Blair began to struggle in earnest against the stronger man pinning him down, trying to keep the knife from his throat, but losing the battle. By some miracle, he managed to punch Lash in the stomach and throw him off his body. The young man then tried to get out from under the man by turning on his stomach and crawling away, but it was a mistake. Lash pounced on him with an angry growl, throwing all his weight down on the young man and knocking the breath out of him.

"Gotcha now!"

Not giving Blair the chance to react, he grabbed both of the young man's wrists and tied them down securely with his own belt. He turned his prey around to face him and straddled his hips.

"My, my! You're a real wild cat, aren't you? Too bad we're too far away from camp for anyone to hear you screaming. I'm going to enjoy this, Pretty."

Lash never got a chance to even raise his knife. Jim was just suddenly there, out of nowhere, knocking him off Blair and onto the cold ground, throwing punch after punch, a murderous rage filling his heart and soul like never before. He had no control of his emotions. All he knew was he had to save Blair.

Soon Lash was bleeding from several cuts, unable to step back from the other man's cold fury. Desperate to escape Ellison, he grabbed a hand full of earth and threw it in the other man's face. Jim snarled in pain as Lash pushed him away enough to leave his grasp and jump into the full river.

"Jim?! Jim, are you alright?"

"Shit!... Yeah... yeah. Just give me a second here, Blair," Jim panted out as he cleaned his teary eyes on his shirt's sleeve. "Damn, that hurt like hell!"

Ellison blinked to clear his vision, his gaze falling on the young man still lying on the ground, his hands tied behind his back. He crawled to him and untied the belt, helping Blair to stand.

"You alright?" the older man asked.

"Yeah," Blair replied shakily.

Unexpectedly, Jim grabbed the young man against him in a fierce embrace. "God, when I heard... I can't believe Cassie would just pay someone to kill you!" He felt the body in his arms tense and it was with a sense of dread that he realized what he'd just said. Too late to take it back now.

Blair backed away enough to look him in the eye, although he stayed within the older man's embrace. "Jim? There was no way... How could you have heard that? It's impossible! You were too far away! Come to think of it, how did you know what was going on? We're still far from the camp!"

Jim thought about lying but decided it was no use. Blair would see right through him. "I'm a freak," he explained with no small amount of self-pity.

"What?!" that wasn't the answer Blair'd been waiting for.

"I... I don't know how to say this, how to explain what I am... I guess you can say my... uh, senses are different from everyone else's. I can see far away, hear stuff no one else can, smell things before others can't. I belong in a circus," he finished lamely with a shrug.

Blair stayed silent for a long time looking at the other man, while Ellison gazed despondently at the ground. Finally the young man slid his hand up Jim's chest, letting it rest over his heart.

"No, you don't," he denied softly, and Jim looked back at him with a startled expression. "Those... 'different' senses of yours, or whatever the hell it is, they don't make you a freak." Blair caressed the older man's cheek gently. "They just make you special."

Jim felt his pulse hammering at the awe and tenderness he could see in the young man's face. Unable to stop himself, he bent his head and brushed his moist lips over Blair's, letting them linger for a heartbeat before he pulled back with a regretful sigh.

"Thank you," he whispered to the surprised young man. There was no way, no words, to tell the young man the amazing gift he'd just given Jim. "Come on, let's go back to camp. We have to deal with Cassie."

"And Lash?"

"No one could've survived that current. It's too strong."

As he took a long, last look at the furious river, Blair couldn't help wondering. Was David Lash really dead or would he come back again to haunt his dreams?

*#*#*

Chapter V - The Crossing

Three sunny and hot days later they were finally able to cross the river. Everyone was excited, the noise level way above what it usually was. Crossing that river was like crossing a finish line of some kind, getting them closer to their destination.

And it helped that they were rid of that terrible woman, Cassie Wells. After Jim and Blair had gotten back to camp, they'd told everyone about Cassie and Lash's plan to kill the young man and also how the scout had died. It was decided by all to hand a kicking and screaming Wells to the Sheriff of the town discovered half a day away from the river. The scout responsible for finding it along with Lash offered to take the woman. He came back the next day with a huge smile. Cassie Wells was no longer their problem.

As for her husband, the man was more than happy to have lost his 'vulture' as he called his wife. Since no one had anything on him, Mr. Wells was allowed to stay with the train should he choose it. He did.

All the wagons were beginning to roll into a single line so they could make it to the other side. It would take hours before everyone crossed, but it was safer to move the wagons one by one. If, God forbid, something happened to one of them, it wouldn't be able to drag any of the other wagons along.

Blair was finally going to have his chance at driving the team. Jim would have to be with the horses he was taking with him to Cascade. Ellison was hoping to settle down on a horse ranch and make a living out of it. His talent with the beautiful animals would come in handy then.

Everything was set for Blair to begin crossing, when they heard a big commotion from a few wagons back. As Megan noticed Jim's questioning gaze, she approached them.

"What's wrong?" Ellison queried.

"We have a problem with two of the young children."

"What problem?" Blair frowned.

"One of them fell in a river a few years ago and nearly drowned, so she's pretty upset about having to cross this one. Especially with the current still that strong. Her best friend is refusing to cross as well as a show of solidarity. And don't even mention trying to get them into a wagon where they won't see what's going on! I suggested it, thinking it would make it easier if they couldn't see the water, and it was even worse!"

"Who are the two girls?"

"Anna and Beth," Megan replied.

Blair flashed a sudden wide grin, "I think I can help. Rafe!" he called.

"Yeah?"

"Can you drive Jim's wagon?"

"Yes."

"Why? What are you going to do?" Henri asked, as he and Simon came closer.

The young man winked at them. "I have an idea, that's all. Where are they?"

"By Anna's parents wagon."

"I'll be right back."

He walked over to the wagon and found the two girls sitting in the tailgate steps looking absolutely miserable. Their parents were discreetly hovering, without knowing what to do to make their children want to cross the river. Trying to force them would only make it worse.

"Hey, girls!" Blair greeted with a smile.

"Hi, Blair," Anna greeted back, trying to match his smile, but failing.

The young man sat in front of the two girls. "What's wrong?"

"Anna's scared to cross the river," Beth said. "So I'm staying with her."

Blair took a deep breath. "Yeah, I'm kinda scared too," he said softly.

"You are?!" Anna gaped at him, and Blair nodded with a cheeky grin.

"Yeah. So I decided instead of going inside a wagon where I can't see what's going on and will only get more scared, that I'll ride a horse. I'll get soaking wet, but..." he shrugged and watched shrewdly as the two girls traded knowing looks.

"Blair?"

"Yes, Beth?"

"Can we ride with you? We wouldn't be so scared going with you."

"Umm... Give me a second and I'll ask your parents, okay?"

They nodded excitedly, "Okay," Anna breathed softly.

Jim and the others watched as the young man rose and went to have a brief word with the two girls' parents. Whatever Blair said it was met with approval, for both parents were nodding and smiling in relief.

"Well?" Megan asked, when Blair finally approached.

"They agreed to cross with me... on a horse. I figured if they were afraid to go inside the wagon, being on a horse, even if closer to the water would make it easier, especially if I keep them talking the whole time!" he grinned.

"Sneaky bastard!" Simon laughed in awe.

Blair turned to Ellison. "Got a horse you can spare? And a big saddle?"

Jim couldn't help but smile at the young man, "Yeah, I do. I'll go saddle the horse."

"Great!"

Ellison returned short minutes later with a magnificent black stallion. "Think you can handle him?" he teased.

Blair looked at the horse in wonder, "Absolutely!" he breathed, then whirled around. "Anna! Beth! Time to go!"

The two girls ran up to them, and with complete trust allowed him to get them on the horse.

"Right. Anna hold on to the saddle real tight, okay?" he waited until she nodded nervously. "Beth, you hold on to Anna's waist and don't let go. I'm going to mount now."

He mounted the horse with slow, careful moves so as to not scare the girls and the animal and settled behind the two children. It was a tight fit, but they'd manage. And since Blair would be holding the reins, his arms would automatically go around the girls, giving them extra protection.

"Ready?"

"Yeah."

Jim patted the horse's back gently, and they began to move towards the river.

"So, how come you two never brought me buttercups again?" Blair asked with a grin.

"You really liked them?" He could hear the smile on Anna's voice.

"Yes, I did. Think we'll find more on the other side?"

"Hope so!" Beth snickered. "We can make you a crown."

"A crown? What are you talking about?"

The two girls giggled, and Blair smiled. Mission accomplished, they were distracted enough to cross without any real fear.

"Well, Megan taught us how to make flower necklaces and crowns. You would look beautiful with a crown in your hair, Blair," Anna said, her voice wavering a bit as she noticed they were half way across, the water up to their knees.

Realizing what she was feeling, Blair squeezed her hand gently. "In that case, I'd love it if you would made me a crown of flowers. In fact, if we can find any flowers, what about you make me one for tonight's dinner? There's going to be a celebration over the crossing of the river, and I want to look good," he joked.

"Oh, okay! Anna, what do you say? Can we do it in time?"

"Of course we can! We'll start looking around for flowers the moment we get to the other side. That should do it!"

Blair laughed softly. "And here we are!"

They'd reached the bank just as Anna finished talking. The young man stopped the horse by the side of the few wagons already there, just as Anna's parents wagon reached the bank followed by Beth's. He dismounted and helped the girls down.

"Thanks, Blair!" The two girls hugged him tightly.

"Don't mention it." He gave them a mock-glare. "But I expect a beautiful flower crown in return."

"We'll do it right now!" Beth bounced happily on her feet. She looked at her best friend, and then the two girls ran off laughing in search of the right flowers.

After watching to make sure both Blair and the kids were fine, the others began to move out as well. Rafe climbed into Jim's front seat wagon to take care of the driving; Megan went to hers while Henri and Simon mounted their horses, the later carrying little Gracie safely tucked in his arms.

Minutes of strenuous effort later, they were reaching the other side when it happened. Inches away from the bank Henri's horse saw a thin wooden stick floating in the water. Thinking it was a snake, the poor animal got frightened and panicked. He suddenly raised his front legs with a loud whine, catching Henri off-guard. He didn't have to time to react and fell into the river's cold water.

"Oh, my God! He can't swim!" Simon shouted as he saw Henri disappear.

Before anyone could even breathe, Blair jumped into the fierce river. He swam in the direction they'd last seen Henri. The others saw him dive a couple of times, take deep breaths as he surfaced, then go back down again. When he finally resurfaced he had Henri with him, but the current was doing its best to pull them under.

Anna's father didn't waste any time either. He grabbed the reins of Henri's horse, now calmly grazing on the bank. He mounted the animal and galloped to where Blair was fighting the pull.

"Catch!" The man shouted, as he threw a rope. Blair caught it and let the combined forces of man and beast drag him to the bank.

The two soaked men stayed down on the grass, panting weakly, too exhausted to do much. Finally Henri sat up with some difficulty.

"Thank you. Thank you both."

"No problem."

Now on the other side as well, Megan walked over to Jim and looked him in the eye. "Not trash is he?" she whispered, and both gazed at Blair. No, not trash at all.

*#*#*

The celebration was a success. Everyone gathered around a huge bonfire. There was singing and dancing, plenty of food and whiskey to go around. Everyone stayed up late that night, even the children, and laughter could be heard throughout the camp.

Anna and Beth kept their promise and offered Blair a beautiful buttercup crown, the yellow flowers highlighting the reddish curls perfectly. Feeling silly about wearing it, but not wanting to disappoint the two girls, he was completely oblivious to the lustful glances from most of the women, Joseph Burton and Ellison sent his way.

Jim wasn't. He saw every look turned on the young man, heard every sigh, and felt his jealousy burn bright at every wanton whisper. But he had no claim on Blair so he kept silent, sitting quietly by the fire with his child in his arms.

It took all his willpower to remain silent, though, when Joseph Burton approached the young man.

"Good evening, Blair."

"Joseph, hi!" Blair greeted happily, his cheeks flushed from the fire and the whiskey.

"Ellison," Burton nodded his head towards Jim in greeting.

"Burton."

"Great night, isn't it?"

Blair laughed. "I've never been to something like this before. It's really nice. And everyone needed to relax an have some fun."

"Indeed," Joseph confirmed, then gazed at the flowers in Blair's hair. "Buttercups look good on you."

Blair flushed further, an embarrassed expression coming over his face, "Uh, thank you."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cause you any embarrassment. I came over to ask if you're still interested in having dinner with me. You know... To talk about my brother Richard's work?"

"Yes, absolutely! When?"

"How about tomorrow?"

Blair turned to look at Jim with such a pleading gaze, the older man couldn't help but nod. He was rewarded with such a bright smile that it put the bonfire to shame.

"Yes, Joseph. We'll have dinner tomorrow."

"Very well. See you tomorrow. Goodnight, Blair. Ellison..."

"Burton."

After the man had walked away, the young man sat beside Ellison and locked eyes with him. "Thank you for allowing me to go. I swear, we'll only talk. Nothing else. If you want," Blair began. "You can listen."

Jim knew Blair was referring to his ability to hear far away and felt honored by the trust the young man was placing on him.

He smiled. "It's okay, no need. You go and have fun. I'll care take of Grace. She's even beginning to let me feed her as well, thanks to your idea of using the glove."

A few days earlier Blair had watched one of the children play with an oilskin glove and had the idea of using one of its fingers stretched over the mouth of a small bottle. He tied the glove's finger to the bottle and made a tiny cut in the oilskin to allow the milk to go through it. It worked like a charm and took much less time to feed the child from the bottle than by the spoonful.

It would eat Jim up inside to let Blair go with Joseph, but it was the least he could do for someone who had done and been nothing but good to Jim. And he would be true to his word. He wouldn't listen to a syllable they'd say. No matter how much he really wanted to.

*#*#*

Lash watched the two men sitting in front of him with open curiosity. One of them was about fifty, with disheveled greying hair, a hard, unfriendly face, and cold, brown eyes that showed no emotion whatsoever. A man after his own heart.

The other was younger, but his features resembled the older man so much that there was no doubt they were related in some way. Father and son, as it turned out. The only thing that stood out about the young one was the large white bandage wrapped around his head.

"You wanted to talk. So talk," the older ordered in a soft voice as he refilled his whiskey glass.

Lash took a generous gulp of his own drink, enjoying the feeling as its warmth invaded his body. "I believe you are looking for someone? A man."

"And?" the younger one asked, a brow rising in suspicion.

"And I may know where to find him."

"And how would you know who we're looking for?"

"Well, I came into town a few days ago and heard you two talking right here in this same saloon. Let's just say the name you mentioned sounded more than familiar."

"I see. And what would you like in exchange for your information?"

Lash gave the older man a wide, toothy grin. "Why, what else?! Money, of course! Lots of it!"

The older man stayed silent for a while. His eyes seemed to be judging Lash's motivation and honesty, if there was such a thing among scoundrels.

"If you came into town before and heard us then, why didn't you say anything at the time?"

"Because I have a score to settle with him now that I didn't have at the time. I'll do anything you want if you pay me enough." He let his grin widen even further. "Anything..." he said with a purr.

The older man's grin matched his own. "Good, good... I think we can do business together. There's nothing I love more than a ruthless man like myself. I think we'll get along just fine, Mr. Lash."

Lash nodded, "Can I ask why you're looking for him?"

"We used to ride together some years ago. Robbed banks, trains, and stage wagons... Until one particular holdup went wrong, and I had to shoot some hostages. He didn't like it and on the next robbery sold us out. Most of our gang died, the law caught the rest. We barely got out alive ourselves. I've spent years looking for him, and he always gave me the slip."

"He won't this time," Lash assured him. "He has nowhere to go. He's riding with a wagon train. That's how I heard you two talking. I was one of the scouts and came into town to get us some food. They're grounded by the river about a day's journey away from here. The water level's too high for them to cross, so they're waiting."

"Perfect! What can you tell me about him? How is he now?"

"His wife died a few weeks ago giving birth to a child. He had to get someone to take care of his daughter. The baby almost died as well. But Blair somehow managed to save the little brat."

"Blair?" The young man echoed, the eyebrow rising again.

"Yeah. Some little shit one of the wagons caught wounded in the woods. He's another one I'd like to get my hands on! Little bastard!" he spat.

"Maybe you can," the older man said thoughtfully. "What is he like? What does he look like?"

"Young. Has long, curly hair and deep blue eyes," Lash answered and watched a slow, deadly smile cross the man's face.

"Well, well, well..." the young man snickered, his face absolutely glowing. "If it isn't our little Blair! And hooked up with Ellison, no less! And they say there is no God!"

"You know Blair?" Lash was surprised.

"You can say that," the younger one replied, laughing. "Two birds, one stone, hey Pa?"

"Definitely, my son. Definitely."

"Am I to assume then, that you're interested in Blair as well?" Lash couldn't keep the grin off his face. He usually wasn't that lucky. Things just kept looking better and better!

"Yes. In fact, we want you to start with him. I want you to bring him to us at the first chance you get. Doesn't matter how, but I want him alive. We'll follow you at a close distance, but far enough not to be seen by the train or the scouts. I'll pay you anything you want, money's no problem. But Blair and Ellison are mine to do as I please."

"Lucky we came into town when we did, Pa!"

"Yes, Carl... Lucky," Warren Chapel smiled brightly. Vengeance was within reach at last.

*#*#*

The next night greeted the camp with a beautiful starred sky and a warm breeze that invited leisurely walks along the woods surrounding them.

Blair fed Grace, in spite of Jim's protests that he could do it, sung her to sleep and only then did he allow himself to meet up with Joseph Burton at his wagon for the appointed dinner.

As he saw Blair approach, Burton rose politely from the stool he was sitting on. The young man found himself flushing as the man's intense gaze fell over him.

"Good evening, Blair."

"Good evening, Joseph. You're sure I'm not imposing myself on you? I wouldn't want to bother..."

"Nonsense!" Joseph interjected with a smile and a dismissive wave of his hand. "It's not often I have someone to talk to. More likely I'll be the one to bore you to tears, my friend. I'm not used to the attention."

"Can I sit down?"

"Oh, goodness! Where are my manners?! Please, do!"

Joseph directed him to a stool in front of the warm fire, while he sat back down on the one he'd occupied earlier. "I hope you like rabbit stew. It's the only dish I can actually cook without everyone saying I'm trying to poison them!" he said and smiled brightly as Blair laughed.

"Yes, I love rabbit stew, Joseph. That will be just fine."

"Excellent!"

Burton served them both generous portions, handing one of the dishes to the young man. "Here, tell me what you think."

After the joke about poisoning everyone, Blair admitted to himself he was a little afraid to taste the stew and then having to lie about how good it tasted. And worse, having to eat it to keep the lie. But he wouldn't do anything to upset someone who'd been so good to him, so he decided to give it a try.

And his eyes opened wide. It was delicious! Just the right amount of spices, potatoes and rabbit meat, it was divine.

"Oh, my God!" he exclaimed. "This is fantastic, Joseph! You might not be able to do anything else, but this more than makes up for it. I don't think I've ever had rabbit this good!"

Joseph gave him a face splitting grin, his cheeks flushed with pride, "Thanks, Blair! Now, dig in!" he laughed, and both men set out to demolish their food with obvious gusto.

"God..." Blair sighed when he was finally finished. "I don't think I ever ate this much in my life! I'm ready to explode!"

Joseph chuckled, "Well, I'm honored then. How about some coffee?"

"Yes, please."

The older man made them both coffee. When while Blair slowly sipped his, Joseph went inside his wagon to fetch something. When he came back he was carrying some sort of book, which he held out to the young man.

"'The Sentinel' by Richard Burton," Blair read the title. "Your brother published a book about his research then?"

"More like a monograph, but yes. And I want you to have it."

"What?! Oh, Joseph, I couldn't possibly..."

"Please, Blair?" Joseph interjected softly. "It would mean a lot to me if you would accept it. I swear. I want nothing in return, if that's what you're worried about." However uncertain his death was, Joseph knew it was coming. He wanted to make sure the book stayed with someone worthy of the knowledge inside, someone especial and dear to him. Blair.

Blair looked down reverently at the monograph in his hands, "It's not that, I trust you. But won't you miss this? I'm sure you don't have another copy, do you?"

"No, I don't. But I'll know it's in good hands, and that's all that matters. Please?"

Blair was prepared to argue further when a terrible coughing fit seized Joseph. He covered his mouth with a white handkerchief, trying to still the shudders the cough caused, while a few lonely tears escaped the tightly shut eyes.

Suddenly remembering Joseph was dying, Blair couldn't deny him any more. He realized why the other man wanted him to keep the book and felt unworthy of such trust.

"Are you alright?" he asked when Joseph was able to control his breathing again.

"Yes. I'm sorry, I..."

"It's okay," Blair interrupted, wanting to spare the man from having to tell another lie. "I'll keep the book, Joseph. Thank you so much. Be sure I'll always treasure it."

Burton nodded. "I know you will," he said quietly. He knew it was a mistake, but he couldn't help the attraction he felt towards Blair. He'd seen the way Ellison hovered over the young man, the way he acted like he was Blair's owner. Those actions said more than words.

But Blair... That beautiful face, the soft voice, the deep, sad blue eyes, the incredible innocence when it came to life... It was just too hard to ignore all that appeal. It was with a weary sigh that Joseph realized he'd fallen in love with Blair and in just a few weeks.

"Who would've thought? Love at first sight..." he muttered too low for Blair to hear.

"What?"

"Nothing, nothing. Now, how about I tell you a bit about my brother's work before you read the book?"

Blair nodded. "I'd like that."

"Great! It all began a few years ago when my brother first traveled to India and met this man. He lived in the woods with a friend, nearly isolated from the outside world. He had some special characteristics, let's call it, that made him what my brother decided to call a Sentinel."

"And what is a Sentinel?"

"Well, according to Richard, Sentinels have always been around. They were considered special among their people because they were different. You can say they were like a scout, a watchman of some kind. They patrolled borders, watched for game, could tell when the weather was changing, saw enemies miles away. All this because their senses, vision, sound, taste, feel and smell were higher than most of us."

Blair gasped. This sounded like what Jim had described to him the day Lash had tried to kill him, "So it's perfectly normal?" he wanted to know.

"Yes. In fact, used right, those senses can be a gift. Imagine being able to see for miles. Hear things like a butterfly's wings flapping. Touch someone and feel everything your touch did to that person... umm," he cleared his throat embarrassed as his mind conjured up the image of Blair writhing beneath him as Joseph set his body on fire with his knowing caresses. Burton blinked to chase the dream away. It wouldn't do him any good to continue with that line of thought.

Sighing against the tightness in his groin, Joseph proceeded to tell Blair everything about Sentinels and Guides, everything Richard had ever told him on the subject and what he could hope to find on the monograph.

When he was finished, Blair felt his heart hammering in his chest. 'Oh, my God!' he thought. 'Jim's a Sentinel!'

*#*#*

Jim drank his coffee as he watched his daughter sleeping soundly in her crib. He was keeping his promise to not listen to Blair and Joseph's dinner conversation, but it was getting harder and harder as time went by and Blair stayed with Burton. What had begun as a two hour dinner was turning into five, and still counting.

Ellison began to think back to the changes his life had suffered since Blair had stormed in and taken over. All that fighting to keep from falling had been for nothing. He was in love with the young man, no doubt about it now. And at that moment he was so jealous he could kill Burton with his bare hands.

"God, you've got it bad! The poor man has done nothing to you except be nice!" he muttered disgustedly at himself.

He remembered the first night he'd slept in the wagon with Blair, when the young man had the nightmare and ended up talking about his past life. At the time, Jim had been concentrating on soothing the young man and hadn't thought much about it. But there was something about that whole story nagging at him since that night. Warren and Carl, the two names Blair'd mentioned. Jim'd known a father and son also called Warren and Carl, two vicious bastards and one of his biggest regrets. But it must be one of those weird coincidences of life; those names were not that uncommon. Still... Was it just a coincidence? Feeling his heart beating erratically at the thought of his ex-associates, Ellison promised himself to ask Blair first thing in the morning about his stepfather's last name. Jim didn't like coincidences. Didn't like them at all.

*#*#*

Chapter VI - Sentinel Too

After the wagons pulled out the following morning, Ellison left Blair driving his wagon and joined Joseph Burton in hunting.

For the first two hours Joseph withstood the other man's stubborn silence. But after spending most of the morning hearing grunts as the only reply for whatever he asked, Burton finally had enough. "Tell me, Ellison. Is it just me you don't like or the world in general?"

"What?" Jim queried in surprise, his mind having been lost in best-forgotten times. Now that his mind had focused on those two names, Warren and Carl, he couldn't get them out of his mind. How he wished he could turn back time and start all over again. If he could change anything from his past, it would be that he never joined up with a bastard like Warren. If it hadn't been for Lee and his love for the other man, he might never have forgiven himself for those wild years and all the harm he'd done.

But at the time Warren's appeal had been too much to refuse. No one to control him, being able to ride day and night as he pleased, have all the money, women and booze he could ever want. He'd been so damn weak! He'd been so drunk usually. He hardly remembered anything from those days. It had been a waste, a total and complete waste... of his time, his youth, and most of all, his soul.

"Well, finally a whole word! That's more I got out of you the whole time we've been away from the wagon train!"

Ellison frowned in annoyance. "We're here to hunt, not talk, Burton. Our voices will chase the game away. Besides... I'm not much of a talker."

"Why, I never!" Joseph taunted with as much sarcasm as he could master. He was disappointed when the other man failed to rise up to the challenge and silence fell over them again. He sighed unhappily. Even fighting would be better than the damn silence. He would have to try once more.

"What do you want with Blair?" Jim suddenly asked.

Joseph was caught by surprise. He definitely hadn't been expecting that particular question from the other man.

He stared at Ellison for some time, eyebrows raised quizzically. "What do you mean?" he finally queried.

"I've seen the way you look at him. You asked him to dinner. You're always around. I'm not stupid, Burton. What do you want from Blair?" he asked again, his tone a furtive one.

Joseph nodded. "I expect that's an honest question. I want the same as you, I'm figuring. I've also seen the way you look at him, my friend. And you know the amazing thing, don't you? Blair sees the looks but doesn't really understand what we're asking of him."

Jim sighed wearily. "I noticed. He's completely clueless to the way he affects everyone around him. Are you planning on doing anything about it?"

"Probably. Someone like Blair comes along once in a lifetime, and life is short. And since he's free, and I'm free..." Joseph ended with a shrug.

Ellison turned steel blue eyes on him, a deep frown creasing the chiseled features. "I won't let you win, Burton."

Joseph just smiled. "We'll see, Ellison. We'll see."

The rest of the day was spent in stony silence, but Joseph didn't complain this time. He knew it was wrong to dare Ellison to win Blair over him, but he hadn't been able to stop himself. He would fight for Blair's love. He might be sick, but he wasn't dead yet. And Blair was more than worth fighting for.

*#*#*

Warren felt his temper rising as he watched the wheel tracks on the vacant bank, heading in the river's direction. They were too late.

"The damn train crossed over," Carl informed them all unnecessarily.

"Damn them to hell!" Lash spat nastily. "Doesn't matter, though, not really. With their slow pace, we'll be close behind in about half a day at most."

"Time lost!" Warren growled at the scout. "That half a day could've been spent torturing one of those two little bastards until they bled to death!"

Carl noticed a man camped out close to the riverbank. "Hey, Mister!" he called.

The man walked over to them, a slightly suspicious look on his face. "Yeah?"

"Have you been here long?" Carl asked.

"A few days."

"Did you see a wagon train cross the river?"

"Yes, I did. They let me camp with them while they were waiting for the water level to drop. It was a pretty amazing thing. Took hours for all of them to get to the other side."

"How long ago did they cross?"

"About two days ago."

"Damn!" Warren swore again.

"Quite a show they put on," the man continued unaware of Chapel senior's fury. "One of them, a colored man, fell from his horse and nearly drowned. Never seen anything like it in my life! This longhaired young man just jumped into the water to save the other. And they still had to be pulled out by a man on a horse because of the current."

"Long-haired young man?" Carl asked, suddenly interested.

"Yeah. Saw him a few times around the other wagons. Like I said, I've been camped here for a few days. That kid had a baby with him, at least I saw him feeding it several times. And there was always another man hovering near them. Must've been family or something, 'cause he looked really protective."

"They weren't family!" Carl growled furiously. "If Blair's giving that man what he refused to give me, I'll..."

"Carl!" Warren stopped his son with a hand on his arm. It didn't pay to say too much in front of witnesses. "Thank you, Mister. We'll be on our way now."

The three men mounted on their horses and began to cross the river as well. It would be easy to follow the train's tracks, and they had the faster transportation. They also had supplies and enough water to last them a while. Sooner or later James Ellison and Blair would be within reach. And then they would both pay for messing with the Chapel family. And they would pay dearly.

*#*#*

Blair sighed sadly as he drove Ellison's wagon. When he'd gotten back from dinner with Joseph Burton all excited about telling Jim the news he was a Sentinel, Blair'd found the other man fast asleep. Not wanting to disturb the obviously tired man, Blair had settled down to rest. But his mind had refused to shut down and after a while he'd given up on sleeping.

The young man spent most of the night watching the other man sleep, guarding his rest, or reading Burton's monograph with the help of a small oil lamp. The first nights Blair'd tried to use it, Jim'd had trouble falling asleep. But soon he'd gotten used to it, and now he didn't even notice the light in the wagon.

Joseph had said the man living with the Sentinel his brother had discovered in India acted like a Guide, helping him deal with whatever problems he might have with his senses.

"Kind of like I did that stormy night," Blair muttered, understanding now Jim's strange reactions that time. The thunder and lightning must've been painful, especially that close to the camp.

Then, when he'd awoken that morning, Jim had already left to hunt, and Blair hadn't been able to talk to the older man. It was damn frustrating!

It was starting to get dark, nearly time to stop the journey for that day. Blair'd be happy when they finally did. Not used to driving the wagon, his whole body felt sore. Thank God Henri had given him a pair of leather gloves or his hands would be in some serious pain!

"Ravine ahead!" he heard one of the scouts shout ahead. "It's dry, but deep. Just take it slow and steady, and everything will be okay, folks."

It took Blair about fifteen minutes to reach the mentioned ravine. He could feel his heart beginning to speed up with anxiety and exhaled softly, relieved as he saw Jim and Joseph Burton back from hunting. Somehow he felt better knowing the other man was close by. Ellison focused his blue gaze on him, and the young man knew the Sentinel had picked up his frantic heartbeat.

Gulping loudly, Blair settled his attention back on the task at hand. Driving the wagon to the lip of the ravine, he slapped the reins to urge the team into taking that first descending move. He was half way down when he felt the wagon begin to slip in the soft earth.

"Oh, God, no!" he whispered in terror, his first thought to the child inside the wagon. He began to pull on the brake, but it wasn't working, so he pulled the reins instead. The horses were unable to stop their sliding. In fact, they seemed to be speeding. "Jim!"

Hearing the frightened call, Jim led his horse down the ravine until it was side by side with the wagon. "Hang on, Blair."

He swung one leg over the saddle and leapt onto the wagon, landing in the seat beside Blair. "Pull the reins slowly. Come on, you can do it."

Blair's whole back and arms were aching with the effort to hold the reins, but he did as the older man told him. "It's not working," he panted, seeing how fidgety the horses were.

"Here, give me the reins." Jim put one arm around the young man, covering both his hands over the reins. Both their strengths worked, and the horses began to settle down, allowing them to reach the bottom of the ravine without any further problem.

"Shit!" Blair whispered, turning to Jim with a huge grin. "We did it! We did it, Jim! Shit! We did it!"

Jim chuckled at the young man's exuberance. "Yes, Blair, we did it."

"Thanks, Jim. For the help, I mean."

The older man nodded. "No problem. You did just fine, Blair. Just fine."

He watched the happy face and remembered his earlier conversation with Joseph Burton. Should he fight the other man over this exquisite young man? Or should he back down and let Joseph make Blair happy? The right thing would be to back down and allow Joseph to win Blair's heart. The man could give him everything Jim couldn't. A good home, wealth, stability, and treat him with all that attention the young man seemed to crave so much.

Jim, on the other hand, was rude, had little patience, no money and he still had no idea where he was going to live once he arrived in Cascade. He had the land but would have to build the farm from the ground, and that took time. But he had genuine feelings for the young man, even if they were still somewhat confused in his mind, and besides Joseph was dying.

Jim sighed wearily. Some questions were just too damn hard to answer. And he was no closer to a solution.

*#*#*

As the wagons finally made camp for the night, Blair made a fire as he anxiously waited while Jim tended to his horses. As soon as he saw Jim approaching, Blair rose from his seat.

"I need to talk to you," they both said at once, then grinned in amusement.

"You first," Jim granted graciously.

They sat by the fire and Jim watched as Blair prepared Grace's bottle and fed his child.

"I had a talk with Joseph last night," Blair began, missing the frown that marred the other man's face at his words. "He gave me a book written by his brother about Sentinels."

Jim's frown deepened. "Sentinels?"

"Yes. A kind of watchman with what can be called enhanced senses. Like you, they can see far away, hear stuff for miles, smell all kinds..."

"Wait a minute! What are you saying? That I'm a..."

"A Sentinel. You're a Sentinel, Jim. You're not a freak. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. Read the book, it'll make you understand everything better. But, Jim... You're definitely not a freak."

They stayed silent for what felt like an eternity, looking into each other's eyes, until finally Blair cleared his throat in embarrassment. "So, what did you want to talk about?"

"Ahem... I have a question. That night you had the nightmare and told me about your foster family?"

"Yes, what about it?"

"You said your stepfather's name was Warren and your stepbrother Carl, but you never mentioned their last name," Jim remarked softly, realizing the conversation was upsetting Blair.

"Why the sudden curiosity?"

"A few years ago I met two men with those names, also father and son. I know it's a long shot, but..." Jim finished with a shrug.

"Their last name's Chapel," Blair stated and watched as Ellison turned pale.

"Jesus!" Jim whispered brokenly. "Talk about strange coincidences!"

"You know them, then?" Blair asked nervously. If Jim had known Warren and Carl, then maybe he wasn't the man Blair took him for.

Jim noticed the dubious look and hastened to ease the young man's worries, "It's okay, I'm not like them, Blair. I swear. Not anymore, anyway," he said with a sad sigh. "And I'm not going to tell Warren where you are. You can trust me."

"But were you?"

"Was I what?" Jim asked confused.

"Were you like them?"

"There was a time, yes. I used to ride with them about fifteen years ago. I'm not proud of those days. We did everything we needed to have money. We robbed trains, stage coaches..."

"So that's why the two of them spent months away! Warren used to leave one of his trusted men, Hector Carrasco, to guard the farm and keep an eye on my mother and me. Mean as a snake, that bastard! What happened to make you change your mind and part company with them?"

"What makes you think I changed my mind?"

"You're not with them anymore, that's obvious, or you wouldn't be here."

"No, no I'm not. Things got out of hand during a bank holdup. Somehow the local Sheriff got warned we were there and came gunning for us. Warren killed everyone inside the bank, women and children as well. It was unnecessary bloodshed we could've avoided the whole thing by using those people as a bargaining chip."

"What happened?" Blair asked, his stepfather's ruthlessness still managing to shake him deeply.

"We managed to get away, but I was furious with the bastard. I'd warned Warren I'd only ride with him as long as there were no killings. I figured I couldn't complain too much, or they'd kill me too. So I kept quiet and on the next robbery sold him and his whole band out. The Marshal involved cancelled the warrant out for my arrest in exchange for the information, so I was free to do as I pleased. I decided to put everything behind me and joined the army."

"What happened to Warren's band?"

"Most of them died on that holdup, I think. And as you know, Warren and Carl escaped. I've been trying to keep well away from them. I don't want any more problems in my life."

"Yes, and Warren is particularly vindictive. I'm sure he still holds a grudge against you. God, what an amazing thing! From all the people in the world, we had to end up together in the same train!" Blair chuckled. "My mother was right. Fate's a twisted bastard!"

Jim was somewhat surprised at the young man's reaction to his past life. He'd been expecting scorn and disgust. Certainly not the easy acceptance he could see in Blair's face.

"You seem surprised," Blair realized.

"Well, I guess I was expecting a... stronger reaction from you when you learned about my past," Jim confessed.

Blair smiled. "I wouldn't have liked to have met you back then. But you're not that man, Jim. You're not like that anymore." The smile grew bigger. "I like the man you are now, though. I've told you before. You're a good man, James Ellison. People change and make up for their past mistakes. I think you've paid more than enough for riding with Warren." He touched the older man's arm gently. "It's time to let go."

Jim smiled as well, his eyes drawn by the way the light of the fire made Blair's deep blue irises shine brightly.

"Thank you," he said softly.

Blair grinned. "You're welcome."

The rest of the evening was spent in comfortable silence, only broken by their smiles to each other. Looking at the beautiful face gazing so lovingly at his little daughter, Jim finally found the answer to his own question. He would definitely fight Joseph for Blair's heart.

*#*#*

The next morning Blair woke just as the new day began to dawn. Jim was still sleeping soundly so the young man turned to his side, hand supporting his head, and looked at the slumbering man for the longest time. He should've been shocked upon knowing about Jim's past and his association with Warren and Carl. He'd been wary at first. But somehow he knew Jim was not the same man anymore. He'd changed, and those clear blue eyes couldn't hide the truth. Jim had suffered much in life.

And who was he to judge anyone? It wasn't Jim's past that mattered. It was the man he was now. And Blair hadn't lied the night before, he really liked the man Jim was at the moment. He liked him too much.

It was a battle to keep his heart from flip-flopping each time the older man got near him or to keep from flushing each time Ellison turned that intense blue gaze on him. Blair'd never felt anything like that before, didn't know what to do or how to react to that gaze and what it seemed to promise. But Blair was afraid he was seeing too much, or might be wrong. So he kept silent and tried to pretend he didn't notice, while in truth he was always extremely aware of the other man.

Feeling the sun begin to bathe the wagon canvas, Blair sighed regretfully and rose from his nest of covers. Dressing quickly but silently so he wouldn't disturb the wagon's two other occupants, the young man crawled out and began gathering wood to start a fire. Grace would wake up soon and as usual of late, starving for her bottle.

Moving away from the camp, Blair crouched down to pick a few wooden sticks when he heard a rattle. Swallowing hard at the noise, and feeling his heart speed up, Blair slowly raised his head. He caught sight of the coiled rattlesnake near the rock where his hand lay.

"Oh, shit! Now what do I do?"

He could try to move backwards. But the snake would undoubtedly be faster and her bite would be deadly.

"How do I get myself into these things?!" he moaned to himself.

"Blair," a voice whispered from behind him. "Don't move."

"No shit!" he whispered back, never having been so glad to hear Jim's beautiful voice before.

Jim couldn't help but smile at the relief he could hear in the young man's voice. He'd been sleeping, his hearing unconsciously attuned to Blair's heartbeat, when he felt it suddenly skyrocket in panic. Rushing to see what'd had the young man so spooked, he'd stopped short as he'd seen the snake so dangerously close to Blair.

Coming as close as possible without upsetting the animal, Jim aimed his gun at the snake and shot it before it could attack the young man. Blair jumped back as the snake's head was severed from its body by the accurate bullet, watching with a disgusted expression as the body writhed for a few seconds before it finally stilled.

Jim knelt beside the startled young man. "Are you alright?" he asked around the sudden lump in his throat. "It didn't bite you, did it?"

Blair took a deep breath and gazed at the other man. "No," he breathed softly. "Thank you. I thought I was a goner for sure. That was quite a shot!"

Jim nodded, suddenly incapable of speech. Now that the danger was over, he thought of what might've happened if he wasn't a Sentinel. Even after having read Burton's monograph the night before, it was all still too new for him to have completely grasped. But now... Maybe Blair was right. Maybe this wasn't a curse, and he really wasn't a freak. Not if he could help others with his senses, if he could keep Blair alive...

He shuddered in distress, gasping as he imagined arriving a second too late to find Blair's body writhing in pain from the snake's bite. "No..." he moaned and reached for the young man, wrapping him in a tight embrace. He buried his face in the silky curls, smelling the flowered scent and feeling the warmth of the slender body soothing him.

"Jim?" Blair whispered, his voice muffled by Ellison's chest.

"I'm fine. I just..." Jim couldn't finish, but Blair seemed to understand. His arms locked around Jim's waist, both of them still kneeling, and hugged the older man back just as fiercely.

"I'm alright..." Blair assured. He didn't really understand what was going on with Ellison. But if Jim needed the closeness, he was more than happy to hug him and reassure him they were both very much alive.

In fact, he was kind of enjoying the feeling of being surrounded by Jim's powerful arms. He wasn't expecting feeling so safe in the warm embrace. It was nice being able to rely on someone else instead of always being by himself. He sighed happily and leaned against the other man.

Feeling Jim's body slowly relaxing against his, Blair pulled back enough to look into the other man's face. "Better?" he asked with a gentle smile.

Seeing that beautiful smile and the tenderness in those deep, soulful eyes, Jim couldn't help himself. Tightening his hold on the young man, he leaned down and let his mouth cover Blair's in a hungry, desperate kiss. Taken by surprise, the young man gasped. Jim took full advantage of that surprise by thrusting his tongue inside the wet haven and mating it with Blair's.

Blair braced himself against Jim's shoulders to keep from falling backwards. He hadn't been expecting the heated kiss, but made the most of it. He kissed Jim back just as eagerly, little whimpers of need escaping his control and being swallowed by Jim's moist mouth.

Ellison's hands began to explore the body plastered against his own, enjoying the sturdy feel of muscles quivering under his touch. He couldn't help moaning as he felt Blair's hand caressing him tentatively at first, slowly gaining confidence and becoming more possessive. 'Heaven. This is Heaven,' Jim thought. It'd been so long, so damn long, since he'd felt anything like that, and even then it hadn't been this intense... this all consuming fever.

When they finally broke apart, they were both flushed and panting hard. Their lips were swollen from the ravishing kiss.

"Wow!" Blair breathed. "So that's kissing!"

Jim blinked surprised. "You've never kissed anyone before?"

"No," Blair replied, his flush deepening. "I was never allowed outside the farm unless Hector, Warren or Carl came with me, so I never saw anyone. I liked Hector's daughter, Maya, but we never got around to doing anything. When Hector found out I was interested in her, he nearly killed me."

"Are you saying you're... you're a virgin?" Jim nearly squeaked.

"Yeah, so?" Blair replied, defensively.

"Nothing. I'm just surprised, that's all."

Blair shrugged. "There wasn't much I could do. Warren never let me go anywhere, and Hector was just as bad. It wasn't from lack of trying, I can tell you that much. There was a time I thought my right hand would fall off from too much use!" Blair said with a sheepish grin, surprising a bark of laughter from Jim.

Whatever he was about to say was lost as he heard the running steps from a small crowd rushing towards them, wanting to know who'd shot and against who or what. He'd been so caught up in the young man, he hadn't even heard them coming until they were nearly on top of the two men. Rising to their feet before they were caught in that awkward position, Jim and Blair faced their concerned friends.

"Are you guys alright?" Simon asked.

"Yes, thank you. A snake tried to bite me, but Jim took care of the critter," Blair explained as he pointed to the dead animal. "We're both fine."

Megan nodded. "Thank God! We heard the shot and thought someone might be hurt. I'm glad everything's okay. You better go back to camp and check on Grace, though. She's been wailing from the top of her lungs since she woke up a few minutes ago. The whole camp can hear her! I never heard her crying like that, not even after she was born and wouldn't allow anyone to feed her. It's the damndest thing!"

Blair frowned. "That's strange! Even when she's starving Grace usually doesn't cry much. Must've been the noise from the shot that scared her or something."

Henri shook his head. "Nope. She began to cry before the shot. I know 'cause Brian and I heard her crying when we were walking by your wagon and called you. When you didn't answer, we went inside the wagon and saw she was alone. That's when we heard the shot and I came running. Rafe stayed with her."

"Strange..." Blair whispered again, as all of them began to walk back to the train. His eyes locked with Jim's. "It's almost as if..." he whispered softly.

"She knew you were in danger," Jim finished for him, having thought the exact same thing. "It's possible, you know. I read in Burton's book that every Sentinel has a Guide, that somehow they always manage to find themselves no matter where they're from or where they live. Remember how Grace wouldn't let anyone else feed her but you?"

"Yes, I do. But you're assuming I'm a Guide, and I'm not certain..."

"You are," Jim interrupted the denial he could see coming from the young man. "I'm sure of it, Blair. I know I wasn't exactly nice to you at the beginning, but I felt what I can only describe as a strange pull towards you from the moment we met. And I never felt anything like it before."

"So you're saying that she knew by some instinct that I'm a Guide? And that she felt something was wrong with me now? But how?"

They were talking in whispers to each other so their friends couldn't hear them. It was safer to hide Jim's abilities from everyone else, at least for the moment. Someone might want to try and take advantage of the Sentinel senses for their own gain.

Jim thought about it for a while. "You know, I once read that in the old days women used to lay their newborn infants near them as they slept because the babies regulate their heartbeat by their mothers', so they don't forget to breathe. Honest," he added, as he saw Blair's surprised expression. "What if she began to focus on your heartbeat? You're always around. You feed her and sing her to sleep. For all purposes, you are Grace's mother. No offense, of course. I'm not calling you a woman."

Blair smiled. "None taken. I understand what you're trying to say. But would she really focus on my heartbeat? And why would she do that?"

"Maybe because I do," Jim confessed, with a slight flush. "Maybe it's something Sentinels do naturally, focus on their Guide's heartbeat. I didn't notice I was doing it at the beginning. I mean, soon after they're born babies recognize their parents by their voices, right? She's just taking it to another level."

Blair took a deep breath. "Jim," he began in a deadly serious voice. "You realize what we're saying?"

"What?"

"Grace is a Sentinel. too."

Jim was incapable of replying. Somewhere deep inside he'd been expecting it and dreading the moment when he would be certain. But things were different now. He knew what he was and what Grace was. And more important, they had someone to help them along the way... someone who hopefully would always be there.

*#*#*

On to Part 2