Sullivan's Pub - Patt
~~~~~
Everyone walked into the special room and sat down. Conner was busy getting everything ready and smiling like mad.
Conner: Tonight we're going to discuss Witticisms and if you agree with them or disagree. Here we go.
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
Jim: I've heard this in the neighborhood. They never say who, but it's one of us.
Blair: You wish. (Snickering.)
Dan: I think it was us. Was it two nights ago?
Jim: You know, I think it was.
Sam: You are such a bullshitter, Danny.
Dan: You don't think I make love well?
Sam: You don't have to ask. I keep coming back for more, big boy.
Simon: It was us.
Sully: I love that, Simon.
Blair: What do you love, Sully?
Sully: That he still wants to fuck me after all this time.
Simon: I love fucking you, baby.
Joel: It might have been us. We've been louder than usual.
Conner: That's true. He's not telling a lie.
Rafe: I know who it was.
Brown: Thank you, Bri.
Rafe: It was Ellison. He makes more noise than anyone could.
Brown: Damn!
Rafe: We'll practice and get some pointers from Ellison.
Jim: Shut up. (Laughing.)
Simon: I think we could move this one along.
Conner: If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.
Blair: (Howling) This is so true. Good sex lasts all night.
Jim: Well, then I might be doing it wrong, babe.
Blair: Shush. You do it just fine.
Rafe: I agree. I love to make love all night long.
Brown: He's fucking wearing me out.
Simon: Do you all go out of your way to say fuck, fucking, fucker and so on?
Sully: Fuck, yeah.
Simon: I can't believe you have ruined my sweet wife.
Everyone bursts out laughing.
Dan: We have sex all night and morning long.
Simon: I could have gone all night without hearing that, Dan.
Dan: Jealous?
Simon: Maybe. I would love to get it up that many times.
Sam: No, it's the same time. He just keeps it hard for a really long time.
Simon: Again, more I don't want to know.
Sully: Then ask things.
Joel: We do it all night a lot.
Conner: I love when he loves me all night long.
Jim: I'm getting a complex.
Blair: Jim, you love me just dandy.
Jim: Is that up there with you rock my world?
Blair: Yes, it is. And you do, big man.
Simon: I think it's time to move.
Conner: I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
Jim: This is me.
Blair: Yes, it is.
Simon: I think you're both nuts.
Sully: That wasn't very nice, Si.
Simon: Actually, you're in that same group.
Sully: Me?
Simon: You've been hanging with them for too long. You're insane and you're okay with that.
Dan: Same here. I love it. One day someone was driving me crazy and I realized, at least I had a short drive.
Everyone laughed.
Sam: I love being nuts too. It's more fun.
Simon: Meggie and I are both nutso but we're all right with that.
Rafe: I'm sane. I'm in Simon's group.
Simon: Oh fuck. I'll move.
Brown: (Laughing) I don't blame you. I love being the way I am and I love all of you.
Sully: Oh honey, that's so sweet.
Simon: What did I say?
Sully: Not you. I was talking to Henry.
Brown: Thanks, Sully. You're an Angel.
Simon: Are you putting moves on my wife?
Rafe: He's not.
Simon: Did I ask you, Brian Rafe?
Brown: No, sir. I'm not.
Sully: Calm down, Simon. I love when you're all jealous. Kiss me, big boy. (Simon leans in for a wonderful kiss.)
Conner: If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
Jim: This is Blair.
Blair: What????
Jim: You always seem to be in the dark. I think it's cute.
Blair: Do you find it sexy?
Jim: Oh yeah.
Blair: Do you want me right now?
Jim: Oh yeah.
Blair: We'll be back. (Blair pulled Jim out of his chair and they were off to the parking lot.)
Rafe leaned over towards Brown and began to kiss him passionately.
Simon: See? This is what gets started. Now look at Henry and Brian.
Brown: We kiss a lot, Simon.
Simon: Well, stop.
Dan: I want sex now too. Sammy, are you up for it?
Sam: Honey, you're the one that would be up for it. Not me.
Dan: Oh yeah. Wanna fuck?
Sam: Sis, can we use your office?
Simon: No, that's our office.
Sully: Yes, go ahead.
Simon: Sully, that's our room.
Conner: So where do we have to go?
Simon: Home?
Joel: I say we have sex right here. Want to watch us, Simon?
Simon: No.
Joel: I do.
Sully: I do too.
Rafe: Wait for Jim and Blair to get back in to watch.
Brown: Woo Hoo. This is going to be fucking fun.
Simon: Stop saying that.
Brown: Woo Hoo?
Simon: Fucking fun.
Rafe: Grump.
Jim and Blair walked through the doorway and Blair asked, "Did we miss anything?"
Rafe: Sit down; Joel and Conner are going to have sex here in this room.
Jim and Blair looked at them oddly.
Joel: I didn't mean when anyone was in here.
Rafe: You big liar.
Simon: Let's move to the next one. Oh goody, here come Sam and Dan.
Conner: Good girls get fat, bad girls get eaten.
Jim: That's not true. I had a chubby girlfriend in high school and I ate her every chance I got.
Blair: Very cool, Jim.
Conner: I think it is too. Has anyone else dated a heavy woman?
Jim: I've dated numerous women that were heavy.
Sully: But Carolyn wasn't.
Jim: No, she wasn't. But I didn't like eating her either. (Howls with laughter.)
Blair: (Smacks Jim on the back of the head.) Shut up or I'll kick your ass.
Jim: Ow! That hurt.
Rafe: Get a grip, Ellison.
Brown: I dated many overweight women. I like how they could love me and I liked how I felt while in them.
Rafe: Do you want to sleep with women again?
Brown: No, I'm answering the question, dumplin'.
Rafe: Dumplin'?
Brown: Sugar britches? I like that one too.
Simon: I'm going to throw up.
Dan: I dated many overweight women. It doesn't matter to me. But now, I have that perfect wife. I love you, Sammy.
Sam: Oh baby. I love you too.
Blair: What about you, Simon?
Simon: My ex-wife was overweight and I was crazy about her for a long while.
Joel: Well, Meggie is the first woman I dated that wasn't heavy. So she's a treat. But I loved the other women too.
Simon: Could we move this along before I have to puke?
Sullivan's Pub - Witticisms 2
Conner had more Witticism's and was raring to go. "Ready everyone?"
Everyone: YES!
Conner: We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
Joel: This is true. I'm a changed man since I got into MSN.
Simon: Yes, you are. You're insane.
Sully: (Laughing.) I understand, Joel. Sometimes I love MSN and sometimes I hate it.
Sam: Same here.
Dan: What's MSN?
Everyone threw peanuts across the table, hitting their friend.
Rafe: I think MSN is pretty good.
Brown: He's like a Stepford Wife.
Rafe: Who you calling a wife?
Conner: You got a problem with wives.
Rafe: Of course not. I'm not insane.
Jim: We're thinking of joining Cox.net. Anyone heard of it?
Blair: You are so full of shit.
Jim: I'm serious. We can get our cable stations, our phone line and high speed internet service all for 99 dollars.
Simon: That is a good deal.
Sully: But is it easy?
Blair: You're all easy. There is no cox.net
Jim: Yes, there is. They're coming out this week.
Joel: Send them to our homes too.
Simon: Might be a good time to move it along.
Conner: Born free... taxed to death.
Jim: This is true.
Blair: Taxed to death? I don't think so.
Joel: Well, you don't actually die. You just wish you did.
Simon: Good one, Joel. (Laughing.)
Sully: That was a good one, big guy.
Blair: I still think it's a stupid saying.
Rafe: What's up with you? You've been pissy all night long.
Brown: Stop yelling at him. Maybe he and Jim had a fight.
Jim: We didn't have a fight, so stop your worrying.
Blair stood up and walked out of the room.
Dan: Oh. Oh. Jim what did you forget?
Jim: Forget?
Sam: He's acting like someone that got his birthday forgotten. Or worse yet, have it be your Anniversary. Is it your Anniversary?
Everyone watched Jim look at his watch and then count in his head. "Shit... Shit... Shit..."
Simon: Okay, so it's a yes for being a dickhead.
Jim: Thanks for the help, Simon.
Conner: Call and get reservations for tonight and you can surprise him. One of us will stay with the kids.
Jim pulled out his cell phone and dialed Cascade Towers. Once that was done, he went in and retrieved Sandburg from the restroom.
Blair: I'm sorry, everyone. I've been a little moody.
Rafe: It might be who you're married to.
Brown: (Smacks the back of Rafe's head.) Not even. Sometimes we just have bad days. Right, Sandburg?
Blair: (Looking very sad.) I guess. Conner, why not move it along.
Simon: Excuse me, but that's my job, Sandburg.
Conner: The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
Jim: I don't have a dog.
Simon: That's not the point. Do you hate people more than you would a dog?
Jim: I have no idea. I don't have a dog.
Rafe: Give me permission, sir, and I'll kick the crap out of him.
Brown: I agree with Jim.
Dan: So do I. I don't know if I feel that way or not.
Sam: I love dogs.
Sully: And this means, what?
Joel: I think it's a great saying. Simon, weren't you just about to say move it along?
Simon: Move it, Conner.
Conner: Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
Blair: I love this one. I want it on a t-shirt.
Jim: Chief, you don't either.
Blair: Stop telling me what to do.
Simon: I love the saying, but know that it would be taken wrong if someone saw it on a shirt.
Dan: Not for me. I want them to be dead.
Everyone burst out laughing but Blair. Jim got up to make a call and left the room.
"He figured out that it was our anniversary, didn't he?" Blair asked Simon.
"Kid, he feels like shit. Let him make it up to you."
"It's too late. Tell him I need to think. Also tell him not to worry." Blair walked out the front door and was gone like a flash.
Jim walked into the room and asked, "Where's Blair?"
"He's pissed, Jim." Megan had to help.
"I'm going to make it up to him."
Sully snarled and said, "Why did you forget it? He's going to think that you don't love him anymore."
Simon: Conner, get this thing going, or I'm going.
Conner: Fine, you big ole grump.
Conner: A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
Sully: This is 'so' not true. (Giggling.)
Sam: It's not true.
Dan: I agree with my gorgeous wife and beautiful sister-in-law.
Simon: Keep kissing up and she'll invite you for dinner. (Howling with laughter.)
Rafe: I hate drinking. Hey Henry, will you get me another rum and coke?
Brown: I will because I'm driving tonight.
Joel: I'm driving, but Meggie doesn't drink much.
Conner: I prefer sex.
Jim: Excuse me! Does no one care that Sandburg isn't here?
Simon: We all do, but you forgot your damn anniversary. So I don't want to hear about it anymore. Now would be a good time to move.
Conner: A cat almost always blinks when hit in the head with a ball peen hammer.
Rafe: Let's hit Jim and see if we get the same results.
Brown: Bri, that wasn't nice.
Rafe: What would you do if I forgot our Anniversary?
Brown: I'd be really hurt. He's not mad, Jim. He's hurt.
Jim: Don't you think I fucking know that? What do I do? Where do I look for him?
Simon: I would suggest you just wait it out.
Sully: I think you should start looking for him now.
Sam: I think she's right.
Dan: Want me to ride with you, Jim?
Everyone could tell Jim was on the verge of crying.
Jim stood up and said "See you all later. Dan, I'm fine. Thanks for the offer." A very sad and lonely man walked out that door and Dan's heart broke for him.
Jim drove all over town. He went everywhere that he could think of. At about 4:00 he knew he had to get home to the kids. He was heartbroken and knew he couldn't make it without his love.
When he walked in the door, Linda was sleeping in the spare room, so he left her that way. She woke up and stared at him and he said, "Why don't you stay here?"
"Okay, honey. Night." Jim covered her up and went in and got ready for bed.
"Daddy, you gotta get up. It's time for our shower." Jadey pulled on his arm.
"Okay, I need to go in first, Jade. Then I'll call for you." Jim didn't want to scare her with a boner in the shower.
After breakfast, he dropped the kids off at school and planned his day. He knocked on Simon's door and heard, "What?"
When he opened it, he knew that things weren't good. "Is something wrong, sir?"
"He's taking a break from you. So just let him do his thing. He'll still be your partner."
Jim heard Blair walk in at that moment. He talked to everyone but Jim.
I'm going to fucking pay for this for the rest of my life.
Jim was typing a report and heard Blair ask a female cop out. Jim didn't think he could do this.
Conner watched Jim and knew that Blair must have said something. Jim looked like he was going to become a big ole bawl baby. She walked up to his desk and grabbed him. "I need your help. Now!"
"Sure." Jim got up and followed her into the interrogation room. Once she shut the door, she pulled him into her arms.
"I don't know what's going on, Jim. But I'm your friend. I want you to talk to me."
Jim sat down and sadly began to talk. "I had his presents for about a month. That's why I forgot. I planned too well. I got him a set of the best Glocks on the market. I got him a Smith and Wesson Taser and a fantastic new handcuffs. It costs a fortune and I know it's not romantic, but I wanted to keep him safe. And I got him a Saint Christopher key chain."
Conner hugged him once again and said, "You're one of the best men I know. I love you, Jim. Now what else happened?"
"He asked Holly Miller out. And Holly said yes."
"Oh my god. I'm going to have to kick his ass."
"Conner, thank you for the support, but I want to let things go. He's ready to leave me and I have to accept it."
"Fuck, accepting it."
"Conner, I'm taking off now. I'll talk to you tomorrow." Jim left the room, checked out with Simon and was on his way.
When he picked up his children, he pretended as if nothing was wrong. It worked. The kids were buying it. They helped him when he got home and made a nice dinner.
The front door opened and they all yelled, "Poppy."
"Hey, how are my babies?"
"I'm not a baby, Poppy." Drake set him straight.
"Where have you been? We missed you." Jade said sweetly.
Rayne just held on tight. Blair looked at Jim and said, "Can I stay for dinner?"
"Stay with the kids. I have some things to take care of." Jim got up but Blair caught him.
"I need to talk to you, big man."
"Too late."
"Daddy, go in the bedroom and talk to Poppy. Please?" Jade was shoving him in the room. She was acting a lot older than her seven.
Jim stared at the floor and asked, "What do you want?"
"I'm sorry. I was so hurt and I just let it get carried away. It won't happen again."
"Chief, you asked a woman out. She said yes. I could tell you liked the idea. I think its time for us to split."
"No."
"No?"
"No. How many ways can I say it?" Blair yelled.
"Sandburg, I don't want to be with you anymore. It's time to break it off."
"Ellison, I'm not leaving."
"Fine... I'll leave and come and see the kids as much as I can."
"No."
"No?"
"Are you having a problem with your hearing today?"
"Chief, please don't do this. I have to be away from you."
"No."
"I'm leaving right now." Jim started to pack a bag and Blair was unpacking as he went.
"God-damnit. Stop it. I need to get packed."
He turned around and Blair was taking his clothing off. "Do you like when I'm naked, babe?" Blair asked breathlessly.
"I'm leaving now."
"Look how hard I am. It's for you. Conner told me about the presents and I thought it was the most romantic thing I ever heard of. You want to keep me so safe. You planned so far in advance. I love you so much."
Jim stood in the middle of the room looking at Blair and didn't know what to do. "Chief, why did you ask that woman out?"
"I was pissed. I wasn't going to do it. She doesn't have a dick. I'm sorry, babe."
"Baby, I'm really confused."
"If you got your clothes off, I could help you get less confused." Blair offered.
Jim dropped his bag, then his clothing and lay on the bed. Blair started licking his way up Jim and Jim moaning with need. When he sucked Jim's balls into his mouth, Jim almost came off the bed. When he licked Jim's slit, he almost came off the bed again.
"Chief, I'm close. Baby, I'm really close."
"Come for me, Babe." Blair said as he slid back over Jim's cock.
And just like that Jim shot his essence down Blair's throat. The Sentinel watched as Blair got the lube to loosen him up. As Blair did a fantastic job, Jim found himself getting hard once again.
Jim made dinner and that night when the kids were settled in bed, they talked about their lives.
"So, are you worried about me?"
"No, I just like to see you safe. And those things felt safe to me." Jim smiled at his love.
"Jim, I don't believe in St. Christopher. So I probably won't wear it."
"But I believe, baby. Please wear it for me?"
"Why don't you call Conner and ask if they want to finish up the Survey tomorrow night?" Blair asked giving Jim one of his brightest smiles.
"Sounds good to me." Jim called her and they set it up for the next evening. Then both men fell asleep in each other's arms.
Sullivan's Pub Part 81 - Witticisms 3
Conner shouted to everyone, "Listen up."
"Who made you the boss?" Simon asked, smiling.
"I want to tell you this before they get here. We want them to be happy. So, be on your guard." Conner said just as she saw the boys drive into the parking lot.
They walked through the door and everyone yelled, "Hey Ellison and Sandburg."
"Hi, everyone." Blair replied.
"We ready to have fun yet, Conner?" Jim asked winking.
Conner: We're ready. Tonight is Witticisms 3.
Conner: There's too much blood in my alcohol system.
Joel: Explain that to me.
Simon: I need to know, also.
Jim: I think they are saying that someone is saying they aren't drunk enough. So they have too much blood in there. Anyone agree?
Dan: I agree.
Blair: That's what it means. I've said this before.
Sam: It's kind of funny.
Sully: I used to say it.
Simon: You're joking, right?
Sully: I had an actual life, Si.
Simon: We'll discuss this later.
Sully: We will not.
Jim: Please don't fight.
Sully: Okay, honey. Sorry.
Simon: Wait a moment. You just said you'd stop to him, but not to me. That sucks.
Blair: Simon, please don't fight.
Dan: Instead do something wonderful like fuck her brains out in front of us.
Joel: I could go for that.
Sam: Whoo Hoo.
Simon: I'm not doing that. You're all weird.
Rafe: I could fuck her. Brown would too.
Brown: I would.
Dan: I wouldn't mind a taste.
Joel: Can I get on the list?
Simon: No one's on a list. She's mine.
Sully: God, I love when you say that.
Simon: What?
Sully: That I belong to you. It makes me so hot and horny. I'm so wet. Feel me, baby.
Simon: Sully, not here.
Sully: Please?
Simon stood up and drug Sully into her office.
"Oh, I love when you get all forceful. Take your clothes off, big boy."
Simon got naked very quickly and she got the camera. "Sully, I hate that camera. Let's do it without it."
"You know I like to watch them later."
"But someone from the group could be watching them." A paranoid Simon said.
Out in the room Joel said, "It's no fair that they get their own room for fucking."
Sam: Well, if she built rooms for each of us, we'd get raided.
Dan: (Howling) Good one, baby.
Jim: Besides we just use the parking lot, right?
Blair: Right.
Conner: I know I've used it once or twice.
Joel: At least.
Dan: I know we have too.
Rafe: I think we need our own rooms.
Brown: We have our own room at home, baby.
Rafe: So you don't want me to fuck you out in the parking lot? We're parked right below this window, so everyone would be able to see what we're doing.
Brown: Follow me.
Both men walked out to their SUV and put the back seats down. Everyone in the room stood at the window and watched as both men got semi-nude. Brown was the lucky man to get his ass pumped that night.
Jim and Blair wanted to fuck big time. They were both hard as rocks. They glanced over at Joel and Dan and found them to be hard also.
Sam whispered, "This is so fucking hot. I want to watch someone all the time."
Dan laughed as he pulled her in for a kiss. "Look, Sammy. Brian is getting close. You can tell by that look on his face. You know that look. The one where he's just about to have a stroke."
Jim laughed and said, "Boy, did you call that one right. They're getting dressed now."
Everyone ran to the table and sat down. The men sat down a little easier then the women, making said women smile.
Sully and Simon walked into the room and said, "What did we miss?"
"We were watching you guys through a hole in the wall. It was fun." Blair said seriously.
"You had better be joking, Sandburg." Simon growled.
Conner: Okay, we're ready to go.
Conner: I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Jim: I love this one. I feel like this all the time.
Blair: Well, stop.
Sam: You never feel that way, Blair?
Blair: All the time.
Jim: Well, stop.
Joel: I like your outlook on this. I'm just going to stop.
Rafe: Same here.
Brown: I couldn't agree more.
Sully: I feel good most of the time, but that handle does pop off now and then.
Simon: I feel this way too, baby. But I know that you'll be with me to help me through it.
Sully: That is so fucking sexy. So romantic. I want you right now.
Simon: No.
Sully: Damn. It was going so well too.
Simon: Move it, girl.
Conner: Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out alive.
Jim: Not true.
Blair: Yes, it is.
Jim: It isn't.
Blair: Do you always have to be right?
Jim: It would be nice now and then.
Rafe: It's time for another trip to the parking lot. This time it's Ellison and Sandburg.
Brown: Hot damn.
Simon: What are we missing?
Conner: We can have sex in the parking lot and everyone can watch out the window.
Simon: Jim, you're not going to right?
Blair looked over at Jim sweetly.
Jim: Yeah, I am. He grabbed Blair and pulled him into their SUV.
Sully stood at the window first and said, "Oh my god. Sandy Ass Alert."
Everyone was watching and breathing heavily. Jim was doing Blair tonight and he was doing him well.
Simon said, "Does anyone else feel they don't do it well enough? My god, that man FUCKS."
"I was just thinking the same thing. I think we should make them do it inside next time." Brown said.
"No way. I like them outside. Inside would be even harder for us to live up to." Dan admitted.
When the boys came in, Jim said, "We still doing the survey?"
"Sure are. Sit and get comfy." Conner got her list out and was ready to go.
Conner: WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
All of the men burst out laughing.
Blair: What are you laughing at?
Jim: It was a tension breaker, Chief.
Sam: I want to know the same thing, Danny. Don't I make you happy enough?
Dan: You know you do, baby.
Rafe: I think one of the loudest laughs came from Henry. You thinking about having some other relationships?
Brown: Never, babe. I love you and you alone.
Sully: Simon's cut off for a month.
Simon: Sully, it was a joke.
Conner: Well, you can talk to Joel about it, cuz he's cut off also.
Joel: Meggie, it was a joke.
Simon: Maybe it's a good time to move.
Conner: You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
Blair: Jim has this on one of his t-shirts. It's way cool.
Jim: Yup, I do love it.
Simon: I think it's stupid.
Sully: Stop being rude.
Simon: I'm not. I'm stating my opinion.
Sully: Get new opinion's then.
Everyone laughed.
Dan: I talk to myself, but no one talks back, darn it.
Sam: You're so cute.
Dan: I've been talking to the stiffs for years. Way before it was cool because of CSI Miami.
Rafe: I do like that she does that.
Brown: I love CSI, but not the one in Florida. It's too muggy.
The laughter starts up once again.
Joel: I love it too. Could we discuss a show if everyone watches it?
Conner: Sure. What is it?
Joel: Six Feet Under.
Jim: We watch it.
Blair: What's bothering you, Joel?
Joel: Well, does anyone else think that that George guy is fucking bizarre? How about Ricco hanging with that slut? What is he thinking? You know his wife will find out, right?
Jim: This story line bothers me a great deal also. I've always thought Ricco was a very strong character. It's too bad they had to bring him down.
Rafe: Okay, my problem with this show is how they show the gay lifestyle. David and Keith are not real life gays.
Blair: What are you talking about? They're exactly like some gays I've met.
Brown: How about when David got a blowjob at work, from the plumber. Then he goes home that evening and tells Keith all about it. And Keith looks upset for a moment and says, "You better not think this is getting you out of giving me sex tonight."
Simon: Now that was funny.
Sully: No it's not. Would you say that shit?
Simon: Not about us. But Gay life is different. They fuck others.
Jim: What the hell are you talking about?
Blair: Jim, calm down.
Simon: You and Blair are always breaking up and talking about fucking someone else.
Dan: That's not true. Yes, they fight, but they never discuss who they'll sleep with.
Sam: Dan, would you allow someone to suck you off and then come home feeling no guilt?
Dan: No.
Simon: Maybe you should think about it, Dan. If someone gorgeous offered this to you while you were working, are you telling me you would turn her down?
Dan: Yes.
Simon: Here is another example, Rafe slept with that stupid girl. He didn't tell Henry. This reminds me of gay couples.
Sully: Simon, tell Henry you're sorry. Right now.
Brown: I have to go.
Rafe: Simon, I hate you tonight.
After they left, everyone looked at Simon. And he knew he was in big trouble.
Simon: Well, they shouldn't have started the gay talk from the show.
Joel: Simon, you will stop by and make sure they're okay. Please?
Simon: Fine.
Sully: I have to go.
Simon: Hang on, babe.
Sully: Go fuck yourself, Simon. I could care less where you go.
She flew out of the room.
Simon: We live in the same house. Where does she think I'm going?
Jim: It might be a good idea to stay with us.
Simon: No, thank you.
Dan: Stay with us, then.
Simon: Okay.
Blair: Wait a minute. You're going to stay with them but not with us? Explain...
Dan: He's really drunk guys.
Simon: Shut up. Maybe I don't want to stay in a home with gays. There.
Jim and Blair got up and left. Joel followed behind and tried to talk to them.
When Joel came back in he said, "Simon, you are a fucking prick. I will never talk to you again if you don't apologize to Rafe, Brown, Ellison and Sandburg. It's your choice."
"Fine. Fucking grouches." Simon said as he staggered to the door. "I can't find my keys."
Sam sighed and said, "Simon, you don't have keys. You're riding with us."
Conner walked over and said, "I'm leaving but I want to tell you if this ever happens one more time, you won't be invited ever again. Goodnight." She stormed out of the room followed by her precious husband.
Everyone knew this was going to be messy. Damn it all.
Sullivan's Pub Part 82 - Who Does Blair Love?
Blair was grumbling as he walked down the stairs. Megan followed and asked, "Sandy, is something wrong?"
"He acts like he's 80. He turned 44 and thinks he's on his deathbed. It's making me nuts. Now he's looking for a new man for me. I'm going to kill him."
"Ahhhh... I see. Midlife crisis. I've heard it sucks."
"Promise me you'll give us a good survey tonight."
"I promise. Now cheer up or I'll call you Jim." Conner laughed all the way up the stairs.
Jim almost ran into her and asked, "Have you seen Sandburg?"
"He was down talking to that new guy. You know the one that's so hot. Maybe you should go check it out, Jimbo."
"You are so full of shit."
"Yup, that's me. I was lying through my teeth." Conner started to walk away.
"Conner, is he really down there talking to him?"
"Yes. I just saw him. What's the big deal?"
"Nothing." Jim walked sadly over to his desk and Conner knew she was going to make him jealous over Sandy if it killed her.
When Blair came back upstairs, Jim asked, "Having fun?"
"Having fun, what?"
"Conner told me." Blair knew that Jim was angry.
Blair glanced over to Conner's desk and saw her laughing and knew she was doing something evil to Jim.
"So? What of it?"
"You like him?"
Blair glanced at Conner again and smiled. He knew their friend was trying to make Jim jealous."
"Are you about ready to go and pick up the kids. I have some errands to run. I'll meet you at home."
"Do you like him?"
"Well sure. Who doesn't like him?"
"I mean; do you want to date him?"
"Jim, am I'm nuts or what? I thought you and I were an item. Are we not? Do you not love me anymore?"
"He can probably love you more." Jim's head was almost lying on the desk by this time, making Blair love him all the more.
"I only want you to love me. Now go get the kids and make dinner. Okay?" Blair smiled his best smile and it worked.
"Okay. I'll see you at home. You are coming home, right?"
"Jim, I live there for crying out loud. Of course I'm coming home. Now get." Jim got on the elevator and Blair waited for Conner to come to him.
"Did he ask you about the cute new guy downstairs?"
"What cute new guy?" Blair asked.
"There isn't one, but he didn't know. He was big time jealous." Conner was howling with laughter.
"He asked me if I wanted to date him and I almost fell on the floor laughing. You're a demon, woman." Blair was laughing with her as they walked down to the parking garage.
"Do you really have errands?"
"Nope. Want to go and have coffee?" Blair smiled.
"Okay and you can see what I have planned for tonight."
"Sounds good. Maybe I could even miss dinner. That'll make him insane."
"And you called me a demon. Then you're the devil." Giggling commenced and they walked to the coffee shop.
As they talked and drank their coffee, a nice looking cop walked up to them and said, "Are you Detective Sandburg?"
"Yes, why?"
"I'm Detective Jason Mattley from Vice. I've heard a lot about your work and I admire it. I wondered if you wanted to go and have dinner with me?"
"Are you asking both of us?" Megan kicked him under the table. "Because I just know you aren't asking me alone. If you know about me, you know who I'm with. He wouldn't like it if I had dinner with you." Blair glared at him.
"So he tells you what to do?"
Blair hated this cocky shit. But before he could answer Megan said, "He doesn't have to. They love each other. Probably something you're not familiar with."
"Could I at least sit with the two of you and have coffee?"
"This is a free country, but don't think this is a date." Blair growled.
The three of them sat and talked about Major Crime and Vice for the next three hours. Megan called Joel while in the restroom, but Blair hadn't called Jim at all.
As they talked Blair found out Jason was pretty nice. He was six years younger than Blair and they studied the same things in college. Blair wondered if they could perhaps be friends. He hoped.
Blair got home at 7:30 that night and Jim already had the kids in bed. Linda was waiting for him also.
"Hi. I was with Megan. Give me a second and we'll go." Blair headed toward their room and Jim said, "You were with Megan?"
"I'm sorry I didn't call. We got coffee and then began talking and noticed we were late. We haven't had much time together lately." Blair walked through the doorway and started to undress.
"Jump in the shower and I'll get your clothes." Jim pushed him into the bathroom and Blair smiled. Everything would be all right. Or at least Jim hoped so.
The drive to Sullivan's was quiet. Finally Blair reached over and held Jim's hand. Jim pulled over to the side of the road and said, "I was so fucking scared."
"Of what?"
"Of you leaving me. Blair, you have no idea how gorgeous you are. Everyone looks at you with want. I worry all the time." Jim laid his head on the steering wheel.
"Jim, stop worrying. I'm with you. I love you. Now get us to Sullivan's or we'll never hear the end of it."
"Will do, boss." Jim smiled at his love and hoped that Blair still was.
As they walked into their meeting room everyone yelled, "It's about time."
"Sorry. It was my fault. Conner forced me to drink coffee." Blair teased.
"Is that what he said? I think it was more like, please have coffee with me, Meggie. Please."
Everyone laughed except Jim. For some reason he was upset and didn't know why.
Conner: Tonight's going to be big fun, girls and boys. Get ready to laugh. Now I'm going to say these slogans and you all tell me who they remind you of. There are 160 of them, so we'll no doubt have to put them into two surveys. Ready?
Everyone: Ready.
Conner: 1) Cover your stump before you hump
Joel: Well, this is probably all of us. I would think anyhow.
Simon: I guess...
Sully: Why do you say that, Si?
Simon: Because we don't use them.
Sully: Oh yeah. DUH!
Rafe: Same here.
Conner: Let me go out and get next week's then. Hang on. (She runs out and runs right back in.) Okay, here we go. (Without missing a beat.)
63 Ways To Piss Off A Cop
Conner: 1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?"
Jim: I'd take him to jail right then.
Joel: Same here. Don't think this is very funny, Meggie.
Simon: I agree with them.
Rafe: I think it's funny.
Brown: Me too.
Blair: I think it's a riot. I still would take them to jail, but I would be smiling.
Sully: I think it's funny. I might use it someday.
Simon: No. You. Won't.
Sully: I love when you go all cave man on me.
Dan: I don't think this ones funny because of all of the drunk driving deaths I have to deal with.
Sam: I bet.
Simon: Next?
Conner: 2. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race.
Blair: Now this is funny.
Rafe: It is funny, Hairboy.
Brown: I love to speed, does anyone else?
(Everyone looked at Jim.)
Jim: So I guess I must like to speed.
Simon: To say the least.
Sully: But Simon never speeds.
Sam: Both Danny and I have lead feet.
Blair: I bet that's hard to walk and drive with. (Howling)
(Everyone breaks out in laughter except for Jim. Thankfully, no one notices.)
Joel: I like to speed and so does Meggie.
Simon: Okay, we can run to the next one, Conner.
Conner: 3. When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf.
Blair: Cops are intimidated by handicaps.
Rafe: Takes one to know one, Sandburg. (Laughing.)
Brown: It's okay, Sandburg, don't cry.
Jim: Leave him the fuck alone. (Jim jumps up and leaves the room.)
Conner went over to Blair and said, "Does he know about the jerk at the coffee shop?"
"No. And he wasn't such a jerk as the night went on. Do you think?"
"Sandy, you are not leaving Jim."
"I'm not, Conner. I love him."
"Oh fuck, you want that guy. Fuck, fuck, fuck..."
"That would be nice." Blair teased.
Jim stood outside the room and leaned his head back. Now he knew for sure. He just had to know who it was.
Jim walked into the room and sat down. "What did I miss?"
"Nothing, I'm just getting started."
Rafe yelled across the table. "Hey, Sandburg, someone was asking about you today. Did he find you? His name was Jason Mattely."
"Yeah, he ran into Conner and I at the Coffee shop."
Jim looked down at Conner and saw she seemed upset about it and that upset him.
"So what did he want?" Sully asked.
Blair: He just wanted to meet Jim and me. He was a nice guy, wasn't he, Conner?
Conner: If you say so. I thought he was an arrogant fucking jerk.
Joel: Meggie, you shouldn't say things like that about people.
Sam: So Blair was he interested in you?
Blair: I was with Conner, Sam.
Sully: You didn't answer. Was he interested in you?
Blair: Conner, do you think he was?
Conner: I'm getting a drink. Anyone else need one?
Simon: So are we going to do the survey or not? Cuz there's a game on tonight. Anyone want to watch with me?
Everyone: No.
Sam: So Jim, you've been very quiet. I take it you're picking up on some of this. How does it make you feel? And why don't you ask Blair some things?
Jim: Fine, you asked for it. I love Blair to death, but I can't keep him happy. He keeps looking at other people two weeks ago it was a woman cop and this week it's that Jason guy. He deserves to be with someone that can satisfy him and make him feel better than he ever has.
Blair: You are so full of shit. I've never fucked around on you.
Jim: I never said you did. You look. And someday it'll be more than looking.
Simon: Jim, you sound like you already gave up.
Jim: Simon, I can't keep him happy. So why not let him go where he wants.
The door opened and Jason Mattely walked in. Jim knew this because Blair's heart skyrocketed to the ceiling.
Jason: Hi, Blair was telling me about these meetings and I thought I'd have a drink and join you. Plus I wanted to meet Ellison.
He walked over and stuck his hand out. "Good to finally meet you, Ellison."
Jim shook his hand and then looked away.
Simon finally said, "This is the problem, Mattely; we don't like doing these with strangers. So you wouldn't be welcome."
Jason: Oh, I get it. You're afraid that Blair will choose me over Ellison. I understand.
Blair: It might be a good time to leave.
Jim: Pull up a chair. You can stay.
Jason: Thank you, Jim. That's real white of you.
Simon: Pardon me???????
Conner: Ways to piss off a cop.
5. Ask if you can see his gun.
Jason: That sort of stupid, isn't it?
Joel: Shut up and leave then. (Glaring at Blair.)
Blair: The idea is to take stupid ideas and make them funny. We usually have a very good time.
Sully: Yes, usually being the key word.
Sam: I agree.
Dan: I might do this one day.
Jason: And you may be arrested.
Rafe: Are you always this fucking serious?
Jason: Pretty much.
Brown: Well, we rarely are. So get a grip. As long as it's not on Brian Rafe. He's taken.
Rafe kissed Brown and Jason said, "I didn't know you two were an item."
Rafe: And we would care, why?
Brown: Good one, baby.
Sully: I like this one about the gun. The cop might even laugh.
Jason: I'm telling you, he wouldn't laugh and might shoot you.
Simon: Are you threatening my wife?
Jason: No, sir. Not at all. We all need to be careful about what we say. Blair, what do you think?
Blair: I think my head is spinning and I need a drink.
Jason: What do you drink? I'll go and get it for you.
Jim: We'll go together. Come on, big Jase.
Jason: Sure.
They stood at the bar and he said, "I wouldn't mind a threesome, Jim. I think you're hot for an old guy."
"Listen here, you little fucker. You're not getting him. He's mine. He belongs to me and I'll never let him go. Stay away from him. You'll leave right now and never come back. Do I make myself clear?
The bartender brought Blair's drink and Jason grabbed it and ran for the room. Jim knew he was going to be busy between the two. Like I need this fucking shit.
Jason: Here you go, Blair.
Blair: How old are you anyway?
Jason: 26
Blair: I feel so old.
Jason: Your partner is old, you aren't. You're hot.
Rafe: Mattely, did you forget we were in the room? Shut the fuck up and get away from Ellison's man.
Brown: You have no idea how much they love each other.
Jason: So that's why he was having coffee with me for three hours?
Blair: I thought you could be a good friend. A person can always use a new friend. And I don't mean sexually. Right, Conner?
Conner: Sandy, you were giving off vibes.
Blair: Vibes?
Conner: You were giving off vibes of how attractive you thought he was.
Jason: You were.
Jim: Well, you are attractive. I'd fuck ya. Would you like to go outside?
Jason: I don't fuck in parking lots.
Jim: I wasn't going to fuck you. I was going to kill you and then my friends' here would help me hide the body. That's what good friends do.
Jason: You don't scare me, Ellison. You're old.
Blair: He's not fucking old. He's fucking young. He's a stud. He's more man than you could ever hope to be. I love him dearly.
Jason: Then why, were you spending time with me?
Simon: Good question, Sandburg.
Blair: Because I thought he was nice. I thought it would be fun just to flirt a little but then I realized all I would lose. It lost its appeal. Simon, I love Jim more than you'll ever know.
Jason: Well, what did you think he was going to say?
Conner: We're all going to ask some questions and Sandy is going to answer them for us. Ready?
Jason: Why do you call him Sandy?
Conner: None of your business, dickhead.
Joel: Good one, baby.
Conner: Sandy, how do you like to wake up in the morning?
Blair blushed and looked at Jim. "Do you mind if I say this?"
Jim: Go for it.
Blair: He wakes me up almost every morning with either a blowjob or a tongue fucking. What a way to start the day. And I have to say, he's really good.
Joel: Do you ever watch him in the bullpen and fall in love all over again?
Blair: All the time. He's so serious most of the time, that when he lets his guard down, I want to just kiss him right there.
Everyone smiled, including Jim. He knew Blair wasn't going to leave him.
Rafe: How do you feel when he gets pissed off at us when we tease you?
Blair: Like one of the most cherished people in the world. He loves me so much and everyone knows it. Blair leaned into him and kissed him.
Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.
Brown: Sandburg, do you want anyone else?
Blair: No. Never. I love him.
Jason: You're so full of shit.
Blair: I may be, but I'm going to be sleeping with him tonight and not you. I was hoping to become friends. You want more and I can't give it to you.
Sully: How does Jim make you feel?
Blair: Like I'm the only person in the world. He loves me no matter what I do. He forgives me for being human. He watches me through the eyes of a lover. He makes me feel alive. I love you so much, Jim.
Jim had tears in his eyes as he kissed his man. "I love you too, Chief."
Sam: I love these types of nights. Blair, do you think you would be the same type of person without Jim?
Blair: Never. He not only loves me, but makes me feel like I'm the strong one most of the time. He helped me raise children. I never would have done that alone. He helped me get through some of the toughest times in my life and feel stronger for it. (Blair put his face in his hands and began to cry.)
Jim: Come here, baby. (Jim took him into his arms and held on for dear life.)
Jason looked at the two men and realized; he lost. He had lost before he even began. Getting up quietly, he left the room.
Everyone smiled when they saw him leave.
Jim: I think Blair has had enough for tonight.
Dan: Jim, can I ask him something?
Blair: Sure.
Dan: Have you ever wanted to fuck anyone else?
Blair: No. I've wanted to make Jim jealous. But never wanted them to fuck me or me to fuck them. I have Jim. What would be the purpose?
Jim: (Smiling.) Thanks, Chief.
Blair: You have no idea how well you fuck. You have no idea how well you love. You have no idea what a beautiful person you are. So I'm here to tell you. You do, you do and you are.
Jim: (Kissing Blair.) I love you so much.
Conner: My work here is done. Get that man to bed.
Laughter broke out and they all began their hugs before leaving.
Another fantastic night at Sullivan's Pub and it had to start out a little angsty to get where they needed to be.
After Jim and Blair left, Conner held up her glass and said, "Long Live Jim and Blair."
Everyone: Here, here.
Sullivan's Pub Part 90 - Back To The Pub and Back To Fun
Everyone arrived at the same time for a change. They all stood outdoors and talked for about an hour. It seemed everyone loved this time of year. Not cold, not hot. Just perfect.
"Come on in, guys. I want to start. It's going to be fun." Conner drug Joel away from the others.
Simon said, "Jim and Blair, can I talk to you alone?"
"Sure." Blair said and stood in front of his Captain and friend. "What's up?"
Jim on the other hand, was still very angry with Simon and didn't want to forgive him.
"First of all, I'm sorry I got so drunk, but I'm even sorrier that I hurt my two best friends. Please forgive me." Simon looked sorry, Blair thought.
"Sure Simon. We all say things we don't mean now and then." Blair assured him.
"Did you mean it?" Jim growled.
"What?"
"Don't play stupid, Simon. Did you mean you didn't want to be around gay people?" Jim was looking at the ground sadly.
"No, I didn't mean it. Sometimes I live to hurt you. I'm sorry. Are you ever going to forgive me? Conner told me I couldn't come anymore if I do it again. So I'll be good, boys." He smiled at both men, but only Blair returned his smile.
"Works for me. Come on Jim." And Jim followed Blair into the room. Simon knew he was going to have to make it up to Jim, a little each day.
"It's about time." Conner yelled. "Sit down and let's get this show on the road."
Blair: What are they tonight, Conner?
Conner: Children's Books that never made it.
Sam: Interesting, get started.
Conner: Children's Books that never made it
1. You Are Different and That's Bad
Blair: (Falls on the floor laughing.) God, I didn't expect it, Conner. Warn me.
Jim: This is horrible.
Dan: I agree, Jim.
Sam: Pretty bad.
Sully: Oh where is your sense of humor. I think it's a riot.
Simon: I think it's sort of mean.
Joel: You think this is mean? Does anyone have a tape recorder?
Simon: Shut up.
Joel: You shut up.
Brown: I hope you don't expect us to grow up and act like you two.
Rafe: I agree.
Brown: Babe, you're already grown up.
Rafe: You are 'so' going to get it.
Brown: That was the plan, man.
Simon: Is it time to go home yet?
Conner: Simon do you want someone else to have your job?
Simon: Let's move to the next one, shall we.
Everyone laughed. (Except Jim, he was still pouting.)
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
Jim: I never want to hear this outside of this room. We have a hard enough time with vegetables as it is.
Blair: Who you calling vegetables?
Jim: Shut up. (Jim laughs, pulls Blair into his arms and hugs him.)
Conner: You two are so darn cute.
Joel: I think I don't want to hear about this either. I had a hard time getting Meggie to eat hers.
Rafe: Eat her what?
Joel: Shut up, Brian Rafe.
Brown: He can talk. So what did she eat?
Conner: Leave my man alone. Move this along. And I just mean to someone else, Simon.
Simon: Simone` eats all of her veggies. So we don't have a problem.
Sully: But Simon, you only eat corn, green beans and black-eyed peas. She won't touch anything else.
Simon: Well, those are all good for you, so who cares?
Rafe: We don't have trouble at our house.
Brown: Sure don't. We're always eating.
Joel: Shut up, Henry.
Simon: I think it might be time to move on.
Conner: 3. Dad's New Wife Robert
Jim, Blair, Rafe and Brown all fell to the floor in a fit of laughter.
Jim: I love this one. I'm going to write it.
Blair: Blair's New Wife, Jim. That has a nice ring to it, babe.
Jim: Fuck you. (Laughing.)
Blair: Right now? Right here?
Dan: I don't want you to do it now. I want you to wait until you get home. I love this title. I would buy it.
Jim: Would you fuck me in a car?
Would you suck me way too far?
In the bullpen, or in the house.
Fuck, fuck, I'll be quiet as a mouse.
Rafe: Look at Jimmy go hop, hop, hop.
Look at his balls go bop, bop, bop.
Watch his Chief get tough, tough, tough.
Fucking Jim a little rough, rough, rough.
Everyone laughed but Blair.
Blair: Shut up, Rafe. That wasn't even close to being funny.
Brown: See Jim's Chief go in and out.
See Jim's Chief come and shout.
Blair: Enough already. See what you started, Conner?
Sam: All of you are very funny.
Dan: They are funny, but would you buy the book?
Sam: Yes, I would. Especially if they wrote it.
Simon: Is it time to move on?
Joel: No. I have one.
Jim loves to lick, lick, lick.
Come for him now, lickety split.
Jim: Good one, Joel.
Blair: They're making fun of us, man.
Jim: I don't care. As long as I still get to hop, fuck, suck and lick with you, they can say anything they want.
Simon: Now can we move?
Conner: 4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
Rafe: Well, this one could work. Love is a four-letter word.
Brown: Kiss is a four-letter word.
Joel: Boob is a four-letter word. (Giggling at Conner's glare.)
Sully: Nice is a four-letter word. Simon has a very nice penis.
Simon: Oh for crying out loud. Thank you. Cute is a four-letter word. Sully is very cute. (Sully leans in for a kiss)
Sam: Mine is a Four-letter word. As in, Danny is all mine.
Dan: Kept is a four-letter word, as in I love being kept by my woman. (Sam and Dan begin to make out.)
Simon: This always happens. Geeze.
Rafe: Nike is a four-letter word.
Brown: What the hell? Nike?
Rafe: I love when you're naked and you still have your Nike's on. Nike makes me hot.
Brown: Lick is a four letter-word, as in I'll lick you all over when we get home, big boy. (They began to make-out next.)
Jim: Cool is a four-letter word. Blair is most definitely cool. (Jim winked at Blair.)
Blair: I totally agree. Cool works for both of us. But work is a four-letter word. No one works harder than Jim at everything. And I do mean everything.
Jim: (Growling) You are 'so' going to get it tonight.
Simon: Like this is a news flash. Let's move this on.
Conner: The second part is REJECTED DR. SEUSS BOOKS
One Bitch, Two Bitch, Dead Bitch, You Bitch
Jim: Whoa! Conner alert.
Joel: Take that back.
Blair: She can be quite the bitch, Joel.
Joel: But only if it's for work. She's a sweetie all the rest of the time.
Jim: Then why is she over there doing that Italian arm salute to us? (Laughing.)
Joel: Sit down, Missy.
Simon: Shut up all of you. I think we're all bitches from time to time.
Sully: I know I am.
Simon: I wasn't saying a word.
Sully: You think I'm a bitch?
Simon: Sully, you just said that you knew you were. (Sighing)
Sam: I'm a bitch too and if Dan agrees, I'm decking him. (Laughing)
Dan: You know I don't think you're a bitch. (They begin to make-out.)
Rafe: Well, sometimes Henry is a bitch.
Brown: And then sometimes Brian takes a turn. (Snickering and pulls Rafe into his arms for a nice long hug and kiss.)
Simon: I think we're done, Conner.
Conner: Herbert the Pervert Likes Sherbert
Rafe: Hey Jim, do you feel that way about Sandburg sometimes?
Jim: Fuck you.
Brown: Good come back, Ellison.
Blair: Hey, leave him alone. And he's the pervert.
Jim: Who?
Blair: I'm teasing, big man.
Simon: This is stupid.
Sully: We're having fun, Si.
Sam: I think it's sort of stupid myself.
Dan: Same here.
Joel: I think it's worse than stupid.
Simon: Okay, time to move on. The next one might actually be good.
Conner: Horton Hires a Ho
Joel: Okay, this screams, Blair, Jim, Rafe, Brown, myself, Meggie, Dan, Sam, Simon and Sully. I think this takes care of this one.
Simon: Did I miss a memo? That's my job Joel.
Everyone laughed.
Conner: Aunts in My Pants-that's aunts, not ant.
Jim: Pervert alert.
Blair: I agree.
Simon: We all agree. Move this to the next one.
Conner: Guess what time it is?
Blair: We get to go home?
Conner: No, one person is going to tell us what he or she is going to do to the other when they get home. Who wants to volunteer?
Brown: I will.
Rafe: Shit...
Conner: Go big boy.
Brown: We're doing something totally wacky tonight. Something we haven't done in ages. (Rafe is staring oddly at him.) We're going to strip, get naked and slide into bed. Then we'll kiss for a while and go to sleep. Remmey hasn't felt good, so we haven't been sleeping. So that's what we're doing.
Everyone smiled at those sweet men in love.
Jim: Bring the kids by tomorrow after work and they can hang with us. We just love them.
Rafe: Thanks, Jim. We haven't had sex in a while.
Sam: Do you want to have it while you're here?
Dan: Sam, stop being naughty.
Simon: We'll all help with each other's kids when we need to. But you have to mention it to us.
Brown: Bri thinks you don't like him.
Jim: Who doesn't like him?
Brown: Everyone.
Sully: Brian, honey. I love you.
Rafe: I feel like I not only let Henry down months ago, but also let you all down. I'm truly sorry.
Blair: Enough. Things will get better. You wait and see.
Joel: I agree with Blair.
Conner: Does anyone else want to talk about what they want to do when they get home?
Blair: (Standing up and waving wildly.) Pick me. Pick me.
Jim: Knock it off Chief. I'm tired tonight.
Everyone laughed with Jim.
Blair: You're so boring sometimes.
Joel: Oh Jim? I think someone is angry with you.
Jim: Oh Joel? I don't care. Where is it written we have to have sex every fucking night?
Sam: You have sex every night?
Dan: Holy shit.
Blair: I thought everyone did.
Simon: No, Sandburg, so of us are old.
Blair: Sorry, Jim.
Everyone got ready to go and talked in the parking lot for another thirty minutes.
Blair was quiet all the way home and went right into the bedroom when they walked into the house.
Jim smiled as he watched Blair. Blair stood staring at their bedroom, now filled with candles and incense. He turned around and looked at Jim and said, "But I thought you said..."
Jim covered his mouth quickly with his own lips. "I don't think that they have to know everything about us, Chief. I wanted us to have a special night."
Blair said, "Where is Linda?"
"She's sleeping in the office, so I'm leaving her be. Follow me, my guppy."
Jim gave Blair a night to remember and made him promise that he would tell no one. Blair crossed his fingers when he agreed to it. Conner was going to love hearing about this.
Sullivan's Pub Part 91 - Billboards We Will Never See
"Hurry it up." Conner yelled out to her hubby and friends.
"Must be a good one tonight. She's excited." Joel kissed his wife tenderly.
"It is a good one. Sit down before I have to knock you all down."
Laughing, everyone decided they had better sit down.
Conner: Billboards We Will Never See
Two Months Salary My Ass!
Cubic Zirconia's
Jim: Some of the Cubic Zirconia's rings are nicer than the real things. Don't you think, Chief?
Blair: Is this your way of telling me that I have a cheap mate?
Jim: No! I can hardly tell the difference.
Blair: I'm going to have our rings appraised tomorrow. (Giggling.)
Joel: Does it really worry you, Blair?
Blair: No. I was kidding. I picked the rings out with him, so I know how much they're worth. They mean more to me than anything in the world and it doesn't matter how much they cost. (He kissed Jim for quite some time.)
Conner: They're so romantic sometimes.
Rafe: I know. You have to love 'em. Henry and I picked our rings out together, so we know too.
Brown: But what they want to know is did we have to spend two months salaries to get those nice rings?
Sam: Is that what it means? In that case, hell yes. We spent a fortune.
Dan: And we're worth every penny. (They begin to kiss.)
Sully: Oh Simon, we're up next. I want some of that kissing. And yes, our rings cost too much, but we didn't want the cheap ones.
Simon: I did, she didn't. I'm a cheap bastard. (Snickering.)
Sully: And my kiss is where?
Simon yanked Sully out of her chair and slammed her into his lap. They began to make out like mad.
Jim: Whoo Hoo. You go, Simon.
Blair: Whoo Hoo. Show them how it's down, old man.
Simon pulled away and said; "I'll show you old." He led Sully into her office and slammed the door.
Blair: Wait, how can you show us old, if you're in another room?
Sam: I really hate that they have their own room.
Dan: I do too.
Rafe: I think we should move on to the next one, eh Conner?
Conner: Are you taking Simon's job, Bri?
Rafe: Damn right I am. I don't think he wants to share.
Brown: Sully?
Rafe: The room, you nut.
Jim: Let's all tease Simon when he comes back.
Blair: There are so many choices of things to tease him about, where do we start? (Snickering.)
Conner: Dude, We Totally Forgot Our Slogan!
American Medical Research On Marijuana
All members of Sullivan's Survey were lying on the floor laughing their asses off.
Simon and Sully walked in and said, "What did we miss?"
Conner told them again and they joined in with the laughter.
Jim: This is 'so' pot-like isn't it?
Blair: I like 'so' don't know about that, Jim.
Joel: Who has smoked pot?
Jim: You first, Joel and Conner.
Conner: I used to smoke a joint now and then when I was in my teens. Not anymore.
Joel: I smoked now and then until my 20's.
Jim: I've never smoked it.
Rafe: Everyone that's surprised, raise his or her hand.
Blair: Blow it out your butt, Rafe. I still smoke it.
Simon: You might want to rephrase that. (Growling.)
Blair: I smoked it with friends in college. No more. Jim gives me spankings if I do.
Sam: (Giggling.) Now that would give me more of a reason, Blair. I used to smoke it in college.
Blair: I had to say something, Sam. How about you, Dan?
Dan: I never tried it.
Brown: You and Jim need Girl Scout Merit Badges. (Falling off his chair laughing.)
Dan: Shove it, Henry. And wouldn't it be Boy Scout?
Sully: I've never used it either.
Simon: You're kidding?
Sully: Have you?
Simon: Yeah. When I was in college.
Conner: I think what they might want to know from this is do you think pot makes you stupid?
Everyone: Yes!
Simon: It's time.
Conner: Chew, You Fat Bastards, Chew!
Krispy Kreme
Blair: This could be a slogan for cops, right, guys?
Jim: No. I don't think it's funny. I eat them now and then and I'm not a fat bastard.
Simon: No, you sure aren't. You knew who your parents were.
Jim: That was so funny, I almost forgot to laugh.
Joel: I eat them too and I've lost weight. New slogan: Eat Krispy Kreme Donuts and lose all the fat you need.
Dan: I like that, Joel.
Sully: So do I.
Sam: I think it would work for all of us.
Rafe: I hate those donuts. They do make you fat.
Brown: So now you think I'm fat?
Rafe: Did I say YOU were fat? I think not.
Jim: Then what are you saying?
Rafe: I have no idea. I forgot now.
Blair: Yeah, right.
Brown: You always make remarks about my weight.
Rafe: I do not.
Brown: Last night at dinner I said, "I'm going to get another dinner roll, would you like one?" And he said, "Henry, I think you could go without the dinner roll."
Sully: Brian Rafe, shame on you.
Rafe: Did I say that, babe?
Brown: You think I made it up?
Rafe: No. I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. I love you so much. (Pulls Henry close and they make-out for a while.)
Simon: Now would be a good time to move on.
Conner: Need A Good Screw?
Ace Hardware, With The Helpful Hardware Man
Jim: I love this. I want a copy of that one, Conner.
Conner: You got it, Jimbo.
Jim: I hate when you call me Jimbo.
Conner: And like I care?
Blair: Before they start a fistfight, I agree, I want this for a tee shirt.
Sully: It's funny. I like it because it can work for women or men.
Simon: This one's stupid.
Sam: Here's Mr. Negative again. Geeze. It's friggin' funny, isn't it, Danny?
Dan: It sure is. I want a shirt too.
Joel: I want one too. What colors do you like me in most, Meggie?
Conner: Pale Coral. It's beautiful with your eyes and skin.
Rafe: I want one also and Henry needs one in teal.
Sully: Brian, we're not actually taking orders tonight.
Everyone laughs.
Simon: There's a lull. Lull means move.
Conner: Men? Who Needs Them?
Chiquita Banana's
Jim: Ow. Ow. Ow.
Blair: How do you know Ow? Have you tried it? (Giggling very hard)
Joel: I agree with Jim. I don't think it would go in at the right angle.
Rafe: I can't believe you're thinking about it. (Roaring)
Brown: I tried it once.
Sully: When you were young and couldn't decide what to do about sex?
Brown: No, they had some really nice firm ones at the market last week, so I tried it then. Right there at the market.
Rafe: Look what you did, Henry? Help everyone up off the floor. Some of them are old.
Dan: That was very funny, Henry. Thank God, I'm not old.
Sam: Wanna try it tonight? I have some firm ones too.
This was a fantastic night for Sullivan's. The laughter had been coming back for a few weeks. They all loved being happy. They also adored being in love.
Simon: Ready?
Conner: We'd Love To Be Sitting On Your Face!
Ray-Ban
Jim: Chief, don't even think about it.
Blair: Damn...
Joel: Come on, Blair, tell us.
Jim: I kid you not, Sandburg, if you tell them, I walk right now.
Blair: Don't you threaten me, asshole.
Simon: Let's not fight. Just tell us, Sandburg. (Snickering)
Blair: Well, we were out on stakeout the other night and (Suddenly Jim's mouth was over Blair's and he was kissing like he hadn't kissed him in months. Blair noticed.)
Sully: Okay, I would say this and wouldn't want Simon to say it.
Sam: I say it all the time. (Laughing hard.)
Dan: Whom are you saying it to?
Sam: Very funny.
Rafe: H and I use this now and then.
Brown: We do.
Simon: Time to move on and Jim leave Sandburg alone. You've practically got him naked over there.
Conner: Get Some Balls!
Wilson
Conner: I have to show you something. (She leaned into a bag and pulled a shirt out that said:
Get Some Balls!
Wilson
You Can Find Them In Major Crime!
They have some to spare.
They were all laughing so hard, they could hardly get their breath.
Jim: Are you going to surprise them?
Joel: I already put one in every locker in Homicide. So the deed is done. This is going to be so much fun.
Blair: You think they'll know it was us?
Rafe: No. Never. (Howling with laughter.)
Brown: They'll get even, and it will just give them something to do. Right, Simon?
Simon: Right. I think it's funny.
Dan: I love when they come down to my world and start bossing me around.
Jim: What do you mean?
Sam: Can I tell them Danny?
Dan: No.
Sam: He got punched from one of the Homicide dicks last week.
Jim: Is that where you got that shiner? You said you ran into a door. I'm such an idiot. I believed you.
Dan: I mouthed off to him while I was in the middle of an autopsy. My hands were busy, so I couldn't fight back.
Simon: I want to know who it was right now.
Dan: Simon, I'm fine.
Simon: We'll talk about it later. We can't go punching each other out every time we're in a bad mood.
Dan: (Head hanging.) It was Marsio in Homicide.
Sam: Thank you, Simon.
Dan: Excuse me. (He walked out the door.)
Jim listened and heard Dan drive off.
Jim: Dan left, he was upset, Sam.
Blair: We'll take you home.
Sam: Are you mad at me, Jim?
Jim: A little. You embarrassed him and made him feel like he wasn't a man.
Rafe: I agree.
Brown: Same here. Sam, I love you, but you can't make your man feel like he's not in control.
Sam picked up her phone and called Dan.
"Wolfe."
"Danny, I'm so sorry. I promise I'll never do anything like that again. I love you so much." And then she began to sob.
It wasn't but two minutes and Dan was back holding on to his wife.
Dan: Sorry, everyone. It was embarrassing that I didn't get a punch in. So I didn't want anyone to know.
Simon: We'll talk more about it tomorrow. Conner, move this baby.
Conner: We're Proud Of Our Organs!
Hammond Organs
Joel: I love this one.
Jim: I do too.
Blair: I think it's a riot.
Jim: So does that mean you like it?
Blair: No, I meant, I wanted a stampede to start.
Sully: Blair, you are so funny.
Jim: He always gets the attention.
Sam: He's so cute.
Dan: He just looks cuddly.
Rafe: I'll tell ya; we've wanted to take him home many times. He's a keeper.
Jim: Fuck all of you.
Simon: I guess you're going to be busy then. (The laughter starts again.)
Conner:
Gold's Gym
Big Ego's!
Big Bicep's!
Little Winkies!
Blair: This isn't true. You've all seen Jim naked. He looks wonderful, including his winkie. Where the hell did they come up with that name?
Jim: Thanks, babe.
Brown: Rafe looks great naked and he has a fantastic pecker.
Sully: Simon looks gorgeous naked, wanna see? And his penis is quite nice.
Simon: (Kisses Sully) Thank you, baby.
Sam: Dan, would you like to model for the boys? He's perfect in every way.
Dan: Thank you, honey. I love you.
Conner: Have I ever mentioned how gorgeous my husband's cock is?
Sully: And is it big? (Giggling)
Sam: And is it Hard? Like right now? (Laughing her fool head off.)
Simon: All right. Knock it off.
Sully: His penis? Never.
Joel: You girls make me blush every single week.
Simon: Maybe we could go to the next one and blush some more.
Conner: Speedo!!!!
Making us all wish we were blind.
Jim: (Bangs his head on the table.) Conner, where do you find this?
Conner: From my friend, Kris. She's a hoot, isn't she?
Jim: I hate Speedo's.
Blair: But you would look good in it.
Jim: What it? There's nothing fucking there.
Joel: If I were thin, I would wear one.
Blair: There you go, Jim.
Jim: Sandburg, I don't see you wearing one.
Rafe: I wear one on the beach.
Brown: He does and everyone stares. Women. Men. Animals.
Rafe: I just find them comfortable.
Simon: It would be like having my ass flossed.
Sully: (Choking.) Si, you are too funny tonight.
Dan: I would wear one if I were the only person alive in the world. Then I would.
Sam: You're so cute. Would you wear one for just me?
Dan: Of course I would. Two people alive in the world. (More Kissing.)
Simon: Time to move.
Conner: I Did What With My Sister?
Jack Daniels
Jim: Ewwww.
Blair: I second that.
Simon: I vote we go to the next one.
Everyone: Here... Here...
Conner: Small Penis?
Buy a Corvette!
Jim: Guys, we're safe. None of us have a Corvette. (Snickering)
Blair: But I'm thinking of it.
Jim: Why?
Blair: Guys will ask me out, so they can find out if my dick is tiny.
Jim: (Pulled Blair into his arms and just held him.) I know you're kidding, but I don't want to even joke about sharing. All right?
Blair: I love you, big man.
Simon: So we can move on?
Conner: That's it, kids. Goodnight to all of you. Next time, is part 2.
As they walked outside, they laughed and talked and Jim looked around at all of them. He realized he was the luckiest man on the face of the earth.
It was another extraordinary night at Sullivan's.
Sullivan's Pub Part 92 - Billboards We Will Never See Part 2
Conner: Come on gang, the meter is running.
Jim: Joel, is she always this pushy?
Conner: I want to finish up these lines that Kris gave me. They're so much fun. So sit down.
Everyone did just that and the evening began.
Conner:
Billboards You Will Never See.
Hallmark:
Face it you'll never come up with anything clever on your own.
Jim: See, this one makes sense to me. I can never think of anything good.
Simon: Me, either. It's not as easy as it sounds.
Rafe: I make cards for Henry all the time.
Brown: He does and they make me melt.
Blair: I make them for Jim all the time, too.
Sam: Dan makes them for me. He's good with words. I'm only good with legal words. What could I say? The judge made me do it?
Dan: (laughing) You crack me up, Sam. I love everything you do for me.
Sully: I get them from Simon.
Blair: Get out of here.
Simon: She doesn't have to leave. (Snickering.)
Joel: Give us an example, Sully.
Simon: Don't even think about it.
Jim: Why?
Simon: I don't want you guys making fun of something I do with her.
Sully: My breath comes in short pants
I've never witnessed such beauty
Love and tenderness pour from you
Hold me
Make me stronger
Show me the man I could be.
Jim: Whoa. That was beautiful, Sully. Thank you for sharing it. Simon, I'm impressed.
Blair: Same here.
Dan: It was great, but he made us all look bad.
Conner: I have to share one. Here I go.
Beauty and kindness, so simple so true
This is one reason that I love you.
Simon: Very nice, Joel.
Sully: (sniffing.) I love romance.
Simon: Boy, did you marry the wrong man.
Jim: You're romantic sometimes.
Blair: With you?
Jim: (Smacking Blair on the back of the head.) No, with Sully.
Brown: Can I tell them one of your poems, babe?
Rafe: No. And I mean, no.
Jim: Well, now I'm curious. I could have cared less before. Now I have to know. Tell us, H. Don't let him boss you around.
Rafe: I'll tell you what Henry left for me this morning.
I love to see you nude, on the way to the shower.
You are the best thing in the world, giving me power.
I want to touch you softly and make your dick grow.
I want to do this all, and do it slow.
I love you now as I did then.
I want to make love, please tell me when.
Jim: Very nice, Henry. Now tell us Rafe's.
Rafe: Fine, tell them. (Sighing)
Brown: I love you in the morning.
And in the afternoon.
I love you when you wear my shirt.
I need you to take it off, now.
I love to fuck you, Henry.
I love to fuck you hard.
I love to see you naked
And I love to taste you.
Fuck my mouth, baby.
Fuck it deep.
You're the sexiest person I've ever met.
I love you, Henry.
I need you, baby.
I want you, lover.
I'll have you soon.
Blair: Well, I'm hard.
Simon: That was nice. Oh who am I kidding? It was fucking hot.
Rafe: You think?
Everyone: Duh. (Laughter is heard by all.)
Joel: Every time you enter me, I feel born again.
You're so deep inside of me, I want to sob.
You fuck better than anyone has ever fucked me.
I love you dearly, Joel.
Not only do I thank you for the children,
But I thank you for making me feel good.
All the time.
Any time.
Every time.
I'm very, very happy.
It's all because of you.
Jim: Very nice job, Conner.
Conner: Honey Bear, I didn't know you even remembered that one.
Joel: I remember all of them.
Dan: Sam left me this one yesterday.
Wake me with your tongue.
Wake me with your voice.
Wake me with your cock.
Wake me with your need.
Just wake me.
I need you.
Now.
Jim: So did you go and wake her?
Dan: Of course I did. I'm not a dummy.
Blair: That was a great poem. I loved everyone's so far. Here is the one I got from Jim in the bullpen today.
Jim: Chief... Not here.
Blair: (Ignoring him.)
Fuck me.
Fuck me hard.
Fuck me long.
Fuck me forever.
Fuck me until I scream.
Fuck me until you scream.
Fuck me.
Fuck me now.
Soon we will scream again.
Forever.
Simon: I see a pattern here. Everyone's talking about getting fucked, right now. By the way, Jim, keep it out of the bullpen.
Jim: Yes, sir.
Blair: He gave it to me at lunch. I'm sorry. I said it wrong.
Simon: It's okay, Sandburg, but please don't do these thing at the station.
Jim: If he fucked me at the station, everyone would know. Hell, everyone would see.
Simon: You know what I mean.
Joel: Maybe you could write them a little poem.
Simon: (Laughing.) Up yours, Joel.
Jim: I have one. I have one. (Visions of Blair went through his head.
You're a prick.
A mighty fine Prick.
You're a dick.
A mighty fine dick.
You're a cocksucker.
A mighty fine cocksucker.
Would you please use it on me?
'Like' now would be good.
'Like' later would be good too.
I love you.
You're my prick.
You're my dick.
You're my cocksucker.
Mine.
Always.
Forever.
Everyone: (Bursts out laughing.)
Sully: Oh that is so darn sweet.
Simon: It's funny and I wish he would write more of them to share with us.
Jim: He wrote it to me, Simon.
Simon: So you don't share?
Jim: (Standing and looking very angry.) No!
Simon: Jim, I'm talking about the dumb poetry.
Jim: Oh. Sorry.
Blair: You are so cute. I love you. (Pulls Jim into a very passionate kiss.) I love when you get all primal.
Sam: Okay, here is Dan's.
What do you see in me?
Your beauty makes me insecure.
I think you could do better.
I don't want you to.
I know anyone would love you.
I don't want them to.
You are mine and I am yours.
I will show you what you mean to me.
Every day of our lives.
I love you.
Simon: Very nice, Dan.
Jim: Dan, why would Sam not want you?
Dan: She's so beautiful. I think I'm not good enough for her.
Sam: But he is. And I just have to keep beating that into his head.
Blair: She adores you, man.
Dan: Thank you, Blair.
Simon: Wait a minute. We said nice things too.
Dan: Thank you, everyone, for being my friends.
Simon: Are we doing this survey or what?
==========================================
Conner: Sushi. Still Your Best Bet For Intestinal Worms.
Jim: This might be true. I don't know. I don't eat raw fish.
Blair: I love Sushi. Do you, Conner?
Conner: Oh yeah. Would you like to go one evening? Joel won't eat there either.
Blair: Sounds good to me. Anyone else like Sushi?
Simon: We're not here to plan an outing, Sandburg. We're supposed to talk about Sushi being dangerous for us to ingest.
Sully: You know, you suck the fun right out of this.
Simon: What?
Sam: I love Sushi. I want to go. Dan doesn't like it.
Dan: I say, the evening they go, we have a barbecue at Jim's.
Jim: Thanks for volunteering me. (Laughs)
Joel: I'll go to Jim's.
Simon: So will I.
Dan: Me too. How about Henry and Rafe?
Brown: I don't eat Sushi, but Rafe does. I'll go to Jim's.
Rafe: And I'll go with the people who have good taste.
Simon: I think we've all answered. Is it time to move on?
=========================================
Conner: There is life after substance abuse.
It's just no fucking fun.
Lee Medical Center
Joel: Oh, I don't think this is true.
Jim: I would hope it's not true.
Blair: Well, it's true for a drug user.
Brown: I think this is true.
Rafe: I agree.
Simon: I think this ones stupid.
Sully: I think it should read, There is life after Sullivan's Pub. It's just no fucking fun.
Sam: Oh, I love that. Write it down, so we can have tee's made up.
Dan: I want one too.
Simon: I think there is a lull. You know what that means.
==============================================
Conner: Want To Earn Money; Hand Over Fist?
Call Cryogenic Sperm Bank.
Jim and Joel fall out of their chairs, laughing.
Jim: Warn a person, will ya?
Blair: I agree. This was a riot.
Joel: I want this on a shirt.
Simon: You must be joking?
Joel: Of course I'm joking. Geeze.
Blair: You have to handle him with kid gloves. He's a virgin to humor.
Jim: Oh fuck you.
Blair: Right here?
Dan: Well, I think this one's dumb.
Sam: So you don't ever use your hand over fist?
Dan: That's not what it's asking.
Sam: So you do whack off?
Everyone bursts out laughing.
Dan: Sometimes.
Sam: Don't I take care of your needs?
Dan: Well, if you have to know, sometimes I think of you after you've called me at work and I have to whack off right then.
Sam: With the dead people?
Now everyone is on the floor howling.
Dan: (sighing) No, in the bathroom.
Simon: Well, I never whack off unless Sully makes me.
Sully: (Laughing.) He's so cute, isn't he?
Jim: That he is.
Rafe: I whack off every chance I get.
Brown: You do not. (Leans in for a nice kiss.)
Rafe: No, I don't. But I knew I would get one of those sexy Henry kisses.
Blair: You two are just too cute.
Simon: Before this gets sickening, can we move it along?
====================================================
Conner: Entenmann's
We Put The Lard In Lard Ass!
Joel: That's not true anymore. They make those low-fat ones now.
Jim: I still think they're bad for us, Joel.
Joel: So you never eat them?
Jim: Nope, I'm busy eating Krispy Kreme Donuts. No room for Entenmann's.
Blair: He's not kidding.
Simon: I'm not either. I love Krispy Kreme.
Sully: So do I.
Sam: I like them okay, but I don't have to eat them. Dan, on the other hand, has to have them.
Dan: It's written in some rule book at my work.
Jim: (Laughing.) Same here.
Dan: See, honey. I told you it was a rule.
Rafe: I never eat donuts. And I don't understand how Jim can eat them daily and still look as good as he does.
Jim: Just lucky, I guess.
Blair: Yeah, right. He has to run about eight miles a day to keep that donut off.
Brown: Babe, does it bother you that I'm not thin?
Rafe: (Sighing.) H, I love you just like you are. It bothers me when I'm not thin. That's why I'm such a fanatic about it.
Simon: I think it's time to move on.
Conner: That was it. You're free to go. Everyone have a nice evening and we'll see you next week.
They all said their goodbye's and were on their way. Another happy Sullivan's Pub. Can't beat that with a stick.
The end.