I will open your heart, the lock is bolted.
You will allow me to, or know my wrath.
There is no time to be in solitude.
I will open you up, like the key in the lock.
I will see hatred and fear.
But we will lock them away instead.
Causing you ill will won't work at all.
I must show you the way out of the prison.
The bars are all confining.
We will bend those bars.
Walls are surrounding you at all times.
I will help you bring those down.
We will be as one.
Those walls are falling, and we are smiling.
Who am I? Do you believe you know?
I am love, I am hate, and I am justice.
Do not upset my Guide or myself.
Why do you think you have to know me at all?
Stay away from me, stay away from my family.
I know who you are, you are sickness, and you are disease.
You have moved into the neighborhoods.
Someone always protects you, but from me there can be no hiding.
So stay away from me and everyone I hold dear.
For I am justice, I will not listen to your sad story.
I am love, I was given many gifts from God.
I am vengeance and will protect those I love at all costs.
It is very simple, I am Sentinel.
Tasting things, hearing and smelling.
Touching things, the feeling is exotic.
Never in complete control.
Never needing to be.
He is my backup, he is my Guide.
I am overwhelmed with thoughts.
But he is helping me forget them.
I need to lose control.
I need to live sometimes.
Just like a regular person.
I am thankful I can do it with him.
He moves under me and I am aware
of how much I want him.
Always requiring more, and getting it.
We are like one, we are perfect together.
What would a Sentinel be without his Guide?
Withdrawn and isolated.
What's up with Jim these days?
He's so jumpy.
Every time I touch him, he snaps my head off.
I can't seem to do anything right.
Fear is starting to take center stage with me.
Man, I can't stand the thought of losing him.
Why would he be doing this?
He's watching me.
There's a certain look in his eyes.
It's fear.
He loves me too.
He's afraid to tell me.
Well, I guess the lights were on, but no one was home for both of us.
Well, we both see it now.
Lights are on.
We'll take care of it all tonight.
Dusk has hit and with it somber thoughts.
Can't stand the idea of closing my eyes.
Fear of bottomless pain.
Making it without you is unbearable.
I am like a man on an island.
Completely isolated and tormented.
Knowing what it out there, but not within my reach.
I lie back on my bed trying to hold in the racking sobs.
Confusion, thy name is Ellison.
I have tried to remove these thoughts from my brain.
But the hunger in me, is stronger.
I crave your smile.
I wish to see your body.
I pine for the love we might have.
I need you.
I want to claim you.
Never ever thought I would feel so impassioned about anyone.
It is pure torture, holding the tears off.
Why is this so complex for me?
I don't want to be in my solitary world anymore.
I want to join yours.
...About Jim Ellison
Dear Jim:
I hate the way you think that you always have to be so brave.
I hate how you act sometimes, not knowing how to fucking behave.
I hate the way you yell at me when you are mad at someone else instead.
I hate how you walk by me in the bullpen and whack me up side my head.
I hate the way you are grumpy each and every single day.
I hate the way you always seem to know what I am going to say.
I hate how you bitch about my hair, clogging up the stupid drains.
I hate how during dinner you will discuss human remains.
I hate your macho; I am a big tough guy, attitude day in and day out.
I hate the way you yell at me all the time, you always seem to shout.
~~~~
I love the way you smile at me, going clear up to you eyes.
I love how you touch me a lot, even in front of all the guys.
I love the way you kiss me, like there is nothing better to do.
I love the way you whisper at stoplights; I love you.
I love how you need to protect me, even when you can't.
I love how you say Chief in bed, like it is some kind of chant.
I love when you are grumpy, not just to me, but also to everyone besides.
I love how you decide who is going to drive and who is going to ride.
I love how when we do paperwork, you look over and smile at me for no reason.
I love how you ask me to go for walks, no matter what time it is or what season.
~~~~
Here are ten things I hate and love, just from me.
For I want them all to be known, for you to see.
I know this will make you smile, as you relax and read.
Let me show you how much I love you, it's you that I need.
Love,
Blair
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Acknowledgements: Thanks to Mary for betas. Big thank you to Candygram for some lovely artwork.