Blair Meets Jaded James - Patt
Blair Meets Jaded James - Patt
Blair was on his way home and was running way behind. He looked in his rearview mirror and saw lights flashing on a Motorcycle.
Fuck...
He pulled into a parking lot of a Circle K and a Car Wash. He started singing, Car Wash Yah,, talking bout the Car Wash Yah. His car was bouncing as he rocked from side to side singing and dancing.
Cop: Did you realize that you have your seat belt on wrong.
Tell me, is this any way to start up the conversation? I'm a virgin after all. Geeze.
Blair: It's not nice to pick on someone you don't even know. (Smiling, but it didn't quite reach my eyes.)
Cop: Do you know those men over there? (Points to two car wash workers staring at them.)
Blair: No, but I wish I did. (Blair thought them to be about 16. He could plead insanity .)
Cop: Could I see your License and Registration?
Blair: Here you go. It's everything.
Cop: (Ten Minutes later, and Blair was still singing Car Wash.) Okay, now all I need is your proof of insurance.
Blair: I gave it to you.
Cop: You most certainly did not.
Blair: Did too.
Cop: Did not. (He finally begins to laugh; he can't help it.) Just fax it into the office for us.
Blair: Did you drop it on the ground?
Cop: I have never dropped a card on a routine stop.
Blair: That proves that I'm not routine. No one ever said I was easy.
Cop: (Laughing again.) Are you always this happy?
Blair: NOT. This is not a happy face, believe me. I only wear my happy face when I'm naked.
Cop: Well, you look happy to me and you're not naked. I can suggest what you should do, but don't tell anyone I told you so.
Blair: So how much is this going to cost me? And I'll decide what I'm doing on my own.
Cop: I just hand them out; I don't collect. Do you know how fast you were going?
Blair: 50
Cop: That's right, but it was a 35-mile an hour zone.
Blair: That sucks. I looked at a speed sign and it said 45. I figured I was safe. And besides, look how many folks went around me going way faster. They were honking at me for being a Grampa Moses driver.
Cop: Couldn't get them all.
Blair: It doesn't bother you that I've never gotten one before. You can't just give me a frigging warning? I'm a virgin for crying out loud.
Cop: (Laughing, again.) You're going to Defensive Driving Classes. I have a feeling they're going to love you there.
Blair: (Under his breath, well aren't I just a lucky ducky?) Oh, thank you Officer.
Cop: Put your seat belt on correctly.
Blair: (Under his breath... Bite Me.) Yes sir.
Cop: Are you all right?
Blair: I'm fine, why?
Cop: Why are your hands shaking?
Blair: I suffer from tremors when I go too long without sex.
Cop: Are you joking?
Blair: No, I'm not joking. I have no sense of humor when I'm horny. I just need sex. So like, could we step this up. My boyfriend won't like me hanging with you. He's big and studly.
Cop: I thought maybe you were drunk.
Blair: Bahahahahahahahaha
Cop: Drunk driving isn't a laughing matter.
Blair: Duh. Of course it isn't. I was laughing because you thought I was drunk. I just got off work.
Cop: Well, you take care, Mr. Sandburg.
Blair: Just like that, you're going to blow me off?
Cop: (Laughing even more.) You're a pistol. I feel sorry for your boyfriend.
Blair: Maybe a certain cop would like to ask me out. I like new experiences.
Cop: I thought your boyfriend was big and studly.
Blair: I just say that. Wanna go out?
Cop: With me? I'm very married.
Blair: Figures... Well, I guess I won't get a chance to get that ticket torn up.
Cop: Drive careful, Mr. Sandburg.
Blair: (Giggling.) Drive careful Mr. Sandburg. Mr. Sandburg my ass.
The cop smiled as he walked away and started his bike. He shut it back off and came right back again. Blair had high hopes of him ripping up the frigging ticket and perhaps asking him out. Maybe even fucking him blind in the parking lot. I'm so dumb.
Cop: I don't feel good about leaving you here with those two men staring at you. I might have to go have a word with them.
Blair: (Laughing.) They work there. They can stand wherever they like. Are you worried because they're black?
Cop: No, they just seem suspicious.
Blair: If one of them asked me out, I'd go. I love black men. Have you ever seen Stargate SG-1? There is a black man on that show that rocks my world. Name is Teal'c, ever heard of him?
Cop: Okay... well... I'm out of here if you're all right.
Blair: Don't I sound all right? (I knew talking about Teal'c would lose him.)
Cop: Not really. Have a good day.
Blair: You're not gonna call my boyfriend and tattle on me are ya?
Cop: I will if you don't put that damn seat belt on right. The way you're wearing it, if you got hit, you'd get a rib right through your lung. What would you do then?
Blair: Well, maybe one of those nice black men might help me.
Cop: I give up.
Blair: Most men usually do.
Cop: (Laughing as he walked back to his bike.)
Once the studly cop was gone, the two men walked over.
First Man: (Was about 23 up close, and cute as can be.)We were getting ready to call the police on the police. Are you all right?
Second Man: He acted like you were some wanted criminal.
Blair: Well, for all you know, I am.
First Man: Nah, you look like one of my teachers.
Blair: Thanks.
Second Man: You okay?
Blair: Jury's still out on that one. I'll come by next week and let you both know.
After they were assured he was fine, (Still questionable in his mind) Blair went on home. And guess who wore his seat belt the way he wanted.
Blair Sandburg, you're a friggin rebel.
He hadn't gotten but six blocks away and he was pulled over again. The same friggin cop.
Blair: (Sighing) What now?
Cop: Can I see your License and Registration please?
Blair: Why? You just saw it.
Cop: Is your boyfriend home right now?
Blair: No, he's working a case. Why?
Cop: Want to work off that ticket?
Blair: I thought you were sooooo married.
Cop: I am, but I won't say a word.
Blair: Fine, but we have to hurry.
Cop: Oh quickies. My favorite thing.
Blair: Follow me. (I hope he falls off his bike.)
Cop: Will do. No speeding now, or I will have to come back again.
Blair took off like a shot. He was acting like his foot was attached to the pedal and couldn't get it off.
He saw the friggin lights flashing and just ignored him. He continued to rush home so he could get some sex. And with any luck, he'd get some later with Jim.
Blair parked and rushed up the stairs. When the knock came, he said, "Who's there?"
The laughter could be taken as a good thing, he thought. He opened the door and led the gorgeous man in.
When they were both lying upstairs on the bed naked, Blair asked, "What can I call you?"
"My name is James, Jaded James."
Blair burst out laughing and said, "God, I love you. You made my day giving me the ticket. But the follow up was great. Can I call you Jim sometimes?"
"Blair, you can call me anything you want. I love you."
"All right. Now, come here, I'm going to show you how Jaded you really are." Blair giggled as Jim went into his arms.
